Footscray beat Essendon on Friday night. For this week's competion, tell Essendon's excuse for losing....

Simon, I have decided to take the answer to this question from the very politically correct point of view. That is, not actually blaming or acknowledging any one individual or group. The Bulldog's tactic of flooding their backline with players did not create a problem for the Essendon forwards, it created an area of opportunity for the Essendon forwards to explore new possibilities and discover solutions. In beating Essendon, the Bulldog's allowed the Essendon players to experience the feelings of "not winning". The word "defeat" is a negative word and never used in politically correct language. Kevin Sheedy would know how character building "not winning" is and be using this experience to make his players better individuals both on and off the field. Chris Grant's final goal was not an extraordinary effort by an individual it was simply the final act of a group of players working as a team. Remember there is no "i" in team. I hope this entry is not a "not winning" entry. Yours in all positiveness. Peter "Trash" Treseder Dear Coodabeens, Unlike the other sycophants who claim to have bought your album to earn bonus points from you, we from 3366 faction have NO INTENTION of buying, listening to, throwing or even look at your album. In fact if it was the last CD on earth we would not play it, much in the same manner as if Justin Plapp was the last player at St Kilda we would not play him. On with our entry........... CONVERSATION HEARD BETWEEN A FATHER AND HIS SON FOLLOWING THE ESSENDON LOSS. SON(S) : What's wrong Dad ? FATHER(F): We lost son. S : That's an oxymoron isn't Dad ? F : No that's Damien Monkhorst. S : So what exactly is a loss, Dad ? F : That's when the opposition kicks a bigger score than your team. S : So why did we lose Dad ? F : Don't know son. S : Could it be because of the martians that Mr Sheedy is always talking about. F : It might be son. Those martians are always against us. S : Could it be Dad, because Jimmy Hird wasn't playing ? F : Maybe son but then we have won without him before. S : Could it be due to bad Feng Shui, poor biorhythyms or the alignment of the planets ? F : Crikey boy what are they teaching you at the Grammar ? S : Did the nasty scratch and match Bulldogs spike our drinks ? F : Mmmmm there's a thought...plausible but probably not the real reason. S : So Dad, what reason is it ? F : Well young Johnson, fear not, there is a valid reason. Due to the Olympic torch relay getting all the publicity in the meejia, Sheeds figured the only way the Bombers could toss the torch off the front and back page of the Herald Sun, and to assume their rightful position in that paper was to actually lose a game. from Paul Russo/John Clements 3366 Faction Dear Simon, I am not an Essendon supporter so in order to properly investigate why the Dons lost to the Doggies I borrowed an idea from the atomic physicists from last century - The Thought Experiement. People like Einstein had difficulty in performing experiments at the subatomic level and so had to imagine them as a "thought experiment" to get results. An example is Schrödinger's cat where Erwin S. wanted to investigate the dual states of certain particles. He imagined a cat in a box with a lethal device which may or may not have killed the cat. With the box closed the cat has a dual state which collapses to a single state when the box is opened - the cat either alive or dead. [insert obligatory Geelong joke here] I "imagined" myself as an Essendon supporter and watched a videotape of the Essendon/Western Bulldogs game. And the result (I am very pleased to announce) is the the Dons lost because they DO get a lot of very poor interpretations from the umpires. regards bob merlin DEAR SIMON, Reasons why the Bombers lost I am not a Bombers supporter but do work in an office in the north west part of town and 90% of my colleagues support Esse-don. Times have been pretty tough for them this week; some have battled depression, others went for a ³substance outlet²; many who believed in an unbeaten season have sought crisis financial counselling. (One guy has had to explain to his young son that it is possible for the Bombers to lose.) But the most common form of coping with the drama has been rationalisation. ³Better now than in the Finals² ³The best thing that could have happened² ³This has really sharpened us up!² ETC. Then there is the validity of the record. This needs explanation as well: ³It is better than Collingwood in 1929 as this is a 22 game season² ³It beats Geelong¹s 23 on end as we won 26 (including the Ansett Cup)² ³A win against the Pies this week will beat Carlton¹s record of 20 for a season² But for the real reason, we should turn to the master coach himself, who last weekend made reference to having signed up Craig Bradley in the mid 80s as a Bomber before Carlton somehow enticed him away. That, my friends, is why the Dons lost last week. ******************************************************** Special Note on amended Grand Final dates. Due to the Olympic games scheduling, the following are the year 2000 dates for the GF: Eastern States: Sept 2 at 2.30PM WA: Sorry, but you have already missed the Grand Final. This occurred last Sunday and was a thrilling ³knock ¹em down, drag ¹em out and then rub ¹em out² affair which Freo won by a point. All interest in footy in the West has now officially finished. SA: Congratulations; you are in time. The Grand Final is on tomorrow at Foo-ball Park. Any subsequent AFL finals scores can be found in the Adelaide Advertiser in very small print between the Classified ads and the lawn bowls results. D Long By the way, great new CD. I bought ten copies just in case I lose nine of them. Bomber loss excuses: #1 Since top spot had been sewn up we decided to have a kind of emergency drill where players, coaching staff, administrators and fans have the opportunity to practice excuse-making along with emotions such as sadness, anger, despair, and bitterness under proper match conditions. #2 It was the only way of finding out how well we rebound after a loss. #3 Just like the game against Carlton was "a game we had to have", this was a "loss we had to have." (If we lose this year's Preliminary Final again we may well be looking at "the membership recession we had to have"). #4 We needed a loss to boost our confidence going into the finals. #5 We wanted to ensure the Bulldogs make the finals so they can knock the blues off again. #6 We were offered a deal in return Colonial Stadium ground condition and weather reports. #7 Sheeds told the players that if his prematch motivational tactic worked (i.e., quote from Bulldogs website) then they'd all have spend the week studying the Collingwood website. #8 We wanted to prove that arrogance is not "winning dependent." #9 We knew it would give the Coodabeens a great topic for the competition. #10 How else could we give the coaching staff practice at dissecting a loss? #11 Our psychologist told us that all sportsmen need a degree of anxiety to produce their best and without a loss, our boys were finding it increasingly difficult to develop the mandatory pre-game nerves. #12 We didn't want to set an unbreakable record just yet. Next year we plan to set a new record of 21 home & away matches in a season before losing our first match in Round 22. This will set us up beautifully in 2002 to yet again break the record with our goal of going undefeated through the home & away season. Steven Watts It's good that Essendon lost and what's good for Essendon is good for Football! The pressure of the winning streak is off the players and off the coach. The torch of innovation has been passed to Terry "the tactician" Wallace, his new age footy worked well on that boutique ground. Wasn't it good for football taht 42,000 saw the game at Docklands and 2 million watched it on the telly, rather than 70,000 going to the MCG. It was good that Footscray won, it keeps the dream alive, gives them a chance to build on their "tragic history". Isn't "zoning" good for footy, midfielders can now rack up 50 possessions and it means absolutely nothing. Let's see how "the tactician" zones the G, because that's were Essendon will beat Footscray by 3 points in the Preliminary Final before going on to thrash Carlton to restore order in the Football world. Tom Hennessy Dear Simon, There are a number of reasons why Essendon lost to the Bulldogs the first two are obvious : The Bulldogs followed the process Essendon didn't follow the process Another is a little more obscure The 28th was the last date for compulsory superannuation contributions to be contributed to a superannuation fund on behalf of the players. Given Essendon's previous problems with salaries and financial matters, their focus was not on the game. Then there are the conspiracy theories If a team went through undefeated in a year there is no challenge left, ie Everest has been conquered, therefore the AFL determined that Essendon had to lose. In a freak turn of events a Bomber win would have exposed who shot JFK therefore the FBI and CIA had to ensure a Doggie win. Finally, and I am not usually one to bag the umpires, but..................(Tony knows the rest from a typical talk back caller) Sincerely, Matt Cronin My top 5 1. We wont be playing our finals at Colonial anyway ! 2. I did hear a comment post match along the lines 'that dirty Scotty Wynd' 3. That should've been Kolyniuk's kick, not Grant's ! (referring to the free kick awarded after Fletcher's fatal last kick) 4. We gave the boys had a light run tonight in the lead up to the big match in 5 weeks 5. Even with the roof closed there still appeared to be a lot of seagulls Rohan / East Ringwood WHY DID ESSENDON LOSE??? You know I thought about this for ages and I could not come up with any logical reason for the Bombers defeat. So, in order to submit this week's entry, I pretended to be a 3AW reporter and asked some well known political, business and sporting identities the exact same question... *Jeff Kennett believed that the Bombers lost because they were "too arrogant". *Paul Keating felt it was "the loss they had to have". *Of course Mr Beasley and Mr. Howard blamed each other. *Christopher Skase thought the Essendon players just ran out of breath. *Alan Bond admitted watching the game but couldn't actually remember anything about it. *Mark Phillipoussis was shocked by the result as he had just given the players a motivational talk on the importance of "doing it for the team" *Roland Roccacelli said he thought the Bombers were "soft" *Hansie Cronje claimed that "the Devil" made them do it !! (He was reportedly seen collecting at Sportsbet after the game). *Professor Alan Fels refused to comment other than to say "that after defeating both Carlton and Essendon in recent weeks, the ACCC. is investigating whether the Western Bulldogs have improved by more than 10% since the 1st July 2000." PS. I also tried to call Shane Warne but for some reason his mobile phone was constantly busy...(I wonder why???). Great Show Guys David Moss The reason Essendon lost is explained two fold. Essendon is a "EVIL EMPIRE" (fact) & "Evil empires do not last" The following Evil empires have faulted with the significance being the magical number 22. The Hun Dynasty under the mastery guise of Atilla, put together a 20 year streak between the years 433 to 453, smashing all those before them. Another excellent streak was the The Mongol Dynasty - Ghengis Khan in (1206 to 1227) Ghengis Died, bringing an end to a very evil Empire. The Third Reich was oh so close. The feel badly at the last hurdle bringing to end is ruthless evil empire began in (mid 1933) and terminated in early 1945) falling just short of that magical 22nd year. Another Evil dynasty still in the running for the magical 22 is the evil empire of Iraq. If numbers don't lie they are on the verge of collapse purely because their Evil leader is in his 21st year of rule. He should have by now seen a replay of last weeks game, realised the significance of the numbers and empowered one of sons (that he hasn't shot). All the best, Jason North PS...Tough Comp, as I really hate the Bombers. Greetings Coodabeens Recently there has been 2 astronomical events that many pundits predicted would destroy civilisation as we know it. These 2 events have now occured and passed unnoticed to mainstream Australia. I am of course referring to the recent lunar eclipse and prior to that the lining up of the planets. Mathematicians and physicists the world over spent years calculating the potential carnage that would follow these 2 monumental happenings.They couldnt agree! Nostradamis ( who has a pretty darn good track record) only predicted to mid 2000 when civilisation would cease. The ancient Egyptions incorporated their visions of the future into their pyramids and these predictions have proved incredibly accurate. They cease suddenly mid 2000! Many years ago, a relative of mine embarked on an expidition to Nepal, but turned left out of the airport instead of right and got hopelessly lost. As fate would have it, she stumbled across some ruins tripped and broke her leg. Fate again dealt its hand. Well caused her hand to slip between a crack in the rocks to find a parchment. I have had this parchment passed to me via being first born male son. The day the planets lined up, I had the parchment translated by a Nepalise baker that I know.. The translation was something along the lines of 2 sheep for sale. Cost 4 oranges and a bucket of goats milk.. Imbecile translator. Couldnt read a map, but then again, neither could my relative! I sent it overseas and it came back with a meaningfull translation. loosly interpreted it reads " A refined machine is precise in its operations and will not faulter. A time will come when such a machine is not made of human hand, but touched by the hand of one known as SHEEDS. Many will witness the glory of its operations and gasp at its beauty. None will find fault. The gods will take offense to such a machine and the planets will rise against it. A subtle shift in the Earths structure shall resultl creating a hairline fracture in the machine rendering it penetrable. A force known only as the DOGGIES shall penetrate the machine and all will pronounce the creator of the Doggies, a god.He will be known only as PLOUGH" The parchment was unfortuntly incomplete as my relative was a chain smoker of roll your own cigarettes. She couldnt access papers in Nepal so slowly used the bottom of the parchment. I have no doubt it told of many wonderous things including teh winner of this years grand final ,the outcome of the beer strike and the fate of the human race. perhaps its best we dont know Regards Phil Benedick Dear Coodabeens, COODABEEN CHAMPIONS FOOTBALL COMPETITION ENTRY 29th JULY 2000 WHY ESSINGTON LOST In a rare one-on-one interview with Mr. Oleg Karansky of Ukraine State Television, Bomber coach Kevin Sheedy gave a rare insight into the mind set of the Essendon Football Club. When asked to comment on his side¹s recent loss to the Western Bulldogs, Sheedy told Karansky: ³Satan made us do it!! We took our eyes off Jesus!!² 1Ž4. (whispered) ³the 5 to 1 odds on the Doggies weren¹t bad either!!² The Corruption in Sport Commission is investigating. With Kind Regards, Andrew McDonald PS: I hear that a certain German prestige car manufacturing company is bringing out a new line of cars to be known as the TBT series. Apparently the new car is already known colloquially along the corridors of power in Munich as the ³Tony Leonard². Confused!!?? Well the car will of course be called the BMW TBT 1Ž4. Still confused!!?? 1Ž4. BMW TBT (Big Man Who Travels By Train!!) Ouch, sorry!! G'day boys, Q. Why did Footscray beat Essendon? A. It's very simple. They were just "better on the night" Cheers, Sarah, Ballarat. PS BRING BACK DIGGER!!! Simon PRESS RELEASE SOCOG / AFL in Match Fixing Allegations Melbourne Thursday 3 August In an event that finally put the nail in the SOCOG coffin, and launched a further round of examinations into match fixing, it was today revealed that the recent Footscray defeat of AFL powerbroker Essendon was tarnished. In an episode that put the recent defection of Stan Grant to the Tracy Holmes camp back onto the social pages of the Sydney press, it was revealed that SOCOG powerbroker Mr Kevan Gosper had approached AFL commissioner Mr Graeme Samuel, requesting that the undefeated run of Essendon be "terminated". A leading official within the SOCOG organisation today revealed that he was aware of a clandestine meeting that took place during the week preceding the match in a leading Singapore Hotel. Both men were returning from Europe, where it is rumoured that Mr Gosper was reviewing prospective Olympic sites for the 2020 Olympics, while Mr Samuel was advising the British Government on its options for the grossly unpopular Millennium Dome, as well as advising on work surrounding the upgrading of Wimbledon. It is alleged that with only 7 weeks to the Olympics, Mr Gosper and other members of SOCOG are extremely concerned at the lack of demand for tickets for the myriad of events to take place in Sydney. The last cut of the SOCOG budget revealed the substantial shortfall in ticket revenue could cause the budget to fall into deficit to the tune of $1 billion. Drastic action was required to curtail this loss, that if crystallised, would see Tasmania sold to the New Zealanders and the Great Barrier Reef sold to the Disney organisation, in order to recoup the funds required to cover the deficit. After a SOCOG board meeting in early July, it was determined that three events were currently taking the limelight from what should be pre Olympic media saturation. These are, the Middle East peace talks, the US presidential campaign and the undefeated Essendon run. SOCOG believed that in order to assist ticket sales, it had to divert the interest of the public from the most important event, the Essendon unbeaten run. The unnamed source from SOCOG advised that many phone calls had been made to the White House, to enquire if Kevin Sheedy was required to assist in the Middle East peace negotiations. Madeline Allbright was very keen to get Sheedy to the table, but her move was thwarted by Yassar Arafat, who was rumoured to be unpleased with certain gestures made by Sheedy in recent encounters. Sheedy was also unable to run for American president, due to his status as an Australian citizen. This left only one option for the SOCOG committee, end the run of Essendon by other means. To do this, it is alleged that a deal was brokered between Mr Gosper and Mr Samuel, that saw Essendon capitulate at the Colonial Stadium last Friday. In a deal that benefited all involved, it is alleged that SOCOG would benefit via increased ticket sales, as Essendon's loss almost ensures its victory in this years Grand Final, thus quelling the public's interest in AFL. Footscray would be compensated financially via a special one off payment of $10 million, under the guise of "compensation for one off effects of attendance's at Colonial". Mr Samuel would receive his standard commission for a deal of this nature. Essendon would be allowed to relocate to the MCG, where its throng of supporters would actually be able to attend a game live, without fear of lockout. It is also expected that for home games at the MCG, the MCC members would be handed over to the club for its use for corporate functions and seating for its burgoning social club membership. The AFL would benefit via obtaining the catering rights at Sydney's Homebush stadium. It is expected that a statement from SOCOG operating boss, Mr John Clarke will be issued next Monday at 8.00pm. Both Mr Gosper and Mr Samuel were unavailable for comment, as they were both engaged in the torch relay in Tasmania. Phil Thomas "What ever happened to the Fort Report" Faction Dear Coodabeens Entry: Essendon's excuse for losing. Essendon didn't follow the process. What Process was that you ask.... The Kevin-Sheedy-go-to-any-lengths-to-find-opoosition-bagging-Essendon process, that's what process!! Kevin got all the media tapes from the Bullies representatives over the past three years, looked at the Bullies web sites, scoured through players and officials rubbish bins, etc. and came up blank. We should have known then that without this form of motivation, what hope did the bombers have? Who would have thought that the Bombers needed more motivation than going through the season undefeated. Kevin bloody Sheedy, that's who. Michael Fry last year essendon went into the finals on the back of a fourteen game win streak, and we're hot favorites, so this year when they fall short(choke) at the last hurdle like last year, the streak will be 2 or 3, so it will be less of a let down as supporters have already felt a loss around finals time. Rocket, from Bundoora........... Dear Boys, This is my first venture into entering the competition, yet I listen every Saturday, after first listening to my old worn out cassette of ³The Coodabeens in the Super box², and singing along to such classics as ³I learnt my skills down at Windy Hill² and Hate that Warwick Capper. Keep up the good work Regards Brett Ritchie Why did Essedun lose???? Now boys, let me tell you, I watched the game Friday nite, BUT, my usual ritual of watching the footy on channel Rex, with the volume down, listening to The big man who travels by train, Shags, Daics, Hookesy and whoever else turns up on the nite on 3A double U, and slurping a few cans of bourbon and coke, and consuming a home made pizza was disrupted. I arrived home to find the house empty (wife and kids out at friends), fantastic I thought, so I put the heater on, turned on the radio to listen to the end of Rex¹s fishing show, got the frozen pizza out of the freezer, placed the bourbons in the fridge and was just about to open the first can, when the phone rang and it was the wife telling me to drive to a friends house and bring down the pj¹s for my son who was staying the night. I explained to her about her timing and she just said bring them down NOW. Anyway I ended up at the friend¹s house, and was forced to endure the game in a hostile environment. I had to drink beers and eat fish and chips and listen to people supporting those dirty rotten Western bulldogs. SO THAT¹S WHY ESSUDUN LOST! Why did Essedun lose???? Dear Boys The reason Essudon lost was obvious. It goes back to 1983 when the number 13 jumper was given to a young Vermont boy by the name of Darren ³DAISY² Williams. After a magnificent career of just over 100 games, injury cut short his career and the number 13 jumper was given to a young Michael Long. Injury has been synonymous with that jumper over the past 17 years, and if Daisy had of been able to play for another couple of seasons, then Longy would have not got the number 13 jumper and wouldn¹t have had the injuries associated with that unlucky 13 jumper, then he wouldn¹t have been as tired as he has been over the past few weeks, and he would have kicked that goal which would have given us the win. So that why Essudun lost last night. Why did Essedun lose???? Boys, this a transcript of Sheeds¹ pre game address on Friday night. Sheeds¹ Now boys, tonite we are playing those rascally boys from the Western suburbs with the tragic history. Don¹t worry about Martians or seagulls or any othe type of creature from the sky, tonite we are dealing with the most dangerous of all creatures, Bulldoggieusmissiusfinalus (Latin) or the Greek version which is Bulldoggieustragicushistoriusmaximus These creatures are most dangerous when their backs are to the wall (ask Smorgo), and they will do anything to win, so be careful. Sheed¹s to Barnesy ³Now John if you get the chance, just give Braddy a little nudge to fire him up. Barnesy to Sheeds² Ok Sheeds, but does this mean I will actually get on the ground tonite?² Sheeds to Barnesy² Don¹t be a smart #$%^ John or you will be off to Adelaide with Gary² Sheeds to the team. ³Now if there is any rough stuff tonite, just remember that we have 20 other blokes that can walk into this team, so if you are suspended by those Martian lovers at the tribunal, don¹t think you can just walk straight back into the team, except you of course Matthew, Dustin, Blake, ( then reels off the rest of the 19 players names and then the rest of the Essudon list). Now if a melee starts, I probably wont see it, but I want you to all know that I¹ll support you as best I can ( indicates throat slitting gesture and smiles evilly). Now get out there and play football, and remember, we are the underdogs here tonite. (as the players head down the race Barnesy is heard to say to another player ³What the hell was he talking about in there² player just shrugs and says ³who ever knows what Sheeds talks about² So that¹s why Essudun lost, they didn¹t understand him. Entry By: The Darren Wheildon Sue Your Hairdresser Action Faction Hi Gang, If this is read out please give it the Letterman treatment from 5 - 1. With a bit of a drum role between 2 and 1 please. These are the top 5 excuses given by Essendon Supporters 5: That Sheeds, he's coaching too well, I think he out coaches himself sometimes 4: Lloyd was down and any bloody wonder all this controversy over staging for 3: We would have won easy if it wasn't at there home ground 2: Bloody Strathmore bookmakers 1: Down here at Essendon were lovers not fighters After Essendons loss last week I happened by this advertisment in a well known newspaper. All supporters are looking for an answer but one in particular has taken drastic steps. Here is the resultant article: " We at "REBMETPES" received this cry for help this week. K.S. of Strathmore writes, "Recently my well-oiled machine,which has been running really well,has started to show signs of a virus. Late last Friday night it caused me great concern when it finally broke down and caused great upset to many people. I am at a lost to know where to go as I need to get it back to full strength, NOW!!!!!! CAN YOU PLEASE HELP, REBMETPES ? ". Well,thanks for your letter K.S. Yes, we do hear your cry and we feel we can help. Recently it has come to our attention that a Mr Rod Nee of Sydney had created a virus that has infiltrated your well-oiled machine and perhaps some others. We at "REBMETPES" would like to introduce you to A.F.L.K. -ANTI FLOODING LOGISTICS KIT . This kit can stop the flooding effect that is cutting off supply to the forward section of your machine and if used as directed can free up your machine and have it running as smothly as it was before. Obviously, we cannot give away much information now but be assured K.S., we know it will work and in seven days. K.S.ring now for your exclusive first hand look at this remarkable product. Remember the last big flood we had,that's right, see what trouble that caused. K.S., WE KNOW YOU ARE NO FOOL, as you came to us,so act NOW. We will also include a dozen steak knives to throw at critics of your current sluggish machine!!. PHONE NOW 1300-AFLK2000. or e;mail rebmetpes@martians/marshmellows.bats.com -REBMETPES thats SEPTEMBER spelt backwards and thats where you'll be if you don't act NOW. You'll feel like slashing your throat if you let this opportunity slip K.S.. CALL NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! REBMETPES- hard to pronunce but very satisifing. Kevin McAloon Hi Coodabeens. For your info my name is Mark Snell and I'm from Bendigo. I listen to your show all the time on 3BO FM. Great stuff. Pity you still aren't on on Sunday nights. Miss it heaps. Anyway, I am a first time entrant to your competition. Picture it. Kevin Sheedy is God, and his captain James Hird is Noah. Noah didn't play because he was too busy trying to find 2 animals of all kinds. (2 Tony Liberatore's!!!!! Don't think so.) All the other Dons are still required to play. I could have sworn that after the game, all 22 Essendon players went to Hird. Essendons excuse for losing to Footscray. "Noah, you said it was going to flood for forty days and forty nights. Not just 4 quarters on a Friday night." Hope you enjoy boys. Keep up the good work. Mark SNELL Dear Simon, Sorry this entry is so long but I¹m hoping to turn it into a mini- series for Channel 10 starring Lance from Lara as Matthew Lloyd and Meryl Streep as Kevin Sheedy. ŒThe Boys from Windy Hill¹ (In the tradition of The Boys from Brazil) Why did Essendon lose to the Doggies on Friday night? It is a little known fact that Kevin Œthe mad scientist¹ Sheedy has been experimenting with genetics in order to create super human players. Unfortunately, like any good horror movie, the monster is beginning to turn on its master (think Frankenstein or Jurassic Park). Note the following: * When Gary Moorcroft was created, Sheeds accidentally used DNA from Gladstone Small, robbing Gary of a neck. The Doggies have now caught on to the fact that they can tackle him high without fear of having a Œround the neck¹ free paid against them. Worse still, Gary has finally realised that he is Œdifferently-abled¹ and it is effecting his confidence. When he heard the cry Œget a neck Moorcroft¹ from the outer for the 80th time this season, he found himself unable to kick straight, missing two easy goals in the third quarter. (Note: Moorcroft was going to be Sheeds¹ original Frankenstein¹s monster but he couldn¹t find anywhere to put the bolts). * When Sheeds created the ŒBobsy Twins¹ (Lloyd and Lucas) he meant to use twice the amount of intelligence and half the amount of looks. Unfortunately he accidentally reversed the recipe and ended up with two good-looking half-wits (a recipe otherwise known as the ŒWarrick Capper¹). Note the evidence that these guys are as Œsharp as bowling balls¹. Firstly Lucas, after going for goal from 150 metres out (always a smart move), allowed himself to be brought down in a tackle by a (relative) midget resulting in a match- winning goal to the Doggies. Way to go Einstein! Secondly, Lloyd managed to get himself involved in two potentially reportable incidents on the eve of both a lay-down-misere premiership and reaching his first 100-goal bag. Way to go Dr Brains! (Note: have you ever noticed that the Lloyd Œspunk-o-meter¹ drops whenever he opens his mouth to speak?). * After too much exposure to radioactive material in the lab Darren Bee-wick has lost some of his desire to kick goals. On Friday night he actually gave a handball in the forward line. This upset team balance and was a major factor in the loss (although it must be noted that he did handball it to himself). Other signs that all is not well at Windy Hill: * Michael Long is showing side effects from his ŒEric Cantona¹ genes. He¹s developed a disorder which causes his leg to fly up at the opposition player¹s head every time he goes for a mark; * Several new players were created with DNA from Zeke Steggle. It now appears that they have been downhill-skiing for some time without anyone noticing ­ a fact that will become more obvious as the finals get underway (ala 1999); * And Wally Wallis? Well, the less said about him the better other than to emphasise that Sheeds will never mess with chromosomes again. And that is why Essington lost to the Doggies on Friday, and why Peter ŒThe Brain¹ Everett was correct when he said they wouldn¹t even make the Grand Final. Epilogue The final scene of this horror movie will be played out when the team bus arrives back at Windy Hill after another one point loss in the Preliminary Final. The monsters (the players) will be hunted like dogs through the streets of Moonee Ponds, while Frankenstein (Sheeds) will be crucified on the nearest goal post. Cries of Œwhy did he do it Dad?¹ will fill the air. Maree from Brunswick Some reasons Essendon lost : Kevin Sheedy says : "In a world of process and results, of cause and effect, of ends justifying the means, we had to change the result, just to be sure that the PROCESS was correct !!!" So that Kevin Sheedy could once again mention the fact that they have twice been beaten by 1 point in Preliminary Finals. In the clash of the birds, the Chicken Walkers were always going to beat the home of the Martian Seagulls So they could use it as a bargaining tool in negotiating contracts with players. "you don't deserve $1 Million, 21 wins only deserves $900,000". Brendan Saunders W hat are we doing not wearing orange? H ow can we win with John Barnes? A t what point can you explain Mathew Lloyds voice on television? T o who do I ask if Kevin Sheedy will return to Richmond? W e must follow "the process"... E ll will freeze over if we win a big one whilst not following "the process"... L ong live John Barnes!!! O h dear.......we lost... who did that... S ay Brad Johnsone got how many - bloody AFL!!! T o say we lost is a disgrace.... it's not "our process" ....bloody AFL...... Not "the process" again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Roger Gerny Obvious...............A Canadian sprinter of past note has given hints on running a sub 10 second 100 metres whilst not using ..."The process"..... it isn't the sides fault we lost... it isn't the players.......bloody Ben Johnson.....he didn't follow "the process!!!!!" Roger Gerny The Process.......... In line with last week's winner, I feel there is a "process" response....... Essendon lost one game last year when it counted...they followed "the process"......... They lost it by one point..."they followed the process"....... Essendon followers obviously didn't want to follow "the process" through for the entire season..... "the process" has already won ..... God love "the process" ahhhhh... "the process"... we must move to Fiji and create a new "process"...... Unlike other supporters who would find "the process" boring (or should I say "New South Wales Population Olympic Boredom Committee" (NSWPOBC") Essendon supporters and their players have decided "the process" can now not be beaten in that they have now failed "the process" and next year will bring better things..... What is that "better thing"....... St.Kilda to take on "the process"........... Saints by 1 point... Love.... Gough Whitlam (and bugger the process)....... It's simple,Simon (no pun intended) but God has his/her ways of repaying those boring Bomber supporters for their rude, obnoxious,loud,gloating, noisy, behaviour. Let this be a warning that the next time will be GF day. From frustrated CAT fan first time entry. Garry Chilcott STOP THE PRESSES ­ WHY ESSENDON GOT DONE! After talking to several sources, "close to the club", this reporter has gleaned that the Dons defeat was not due to any one particular aspect. Rather it was the result of a combination of a number of different excuses. As the sources wished to remain anonymous they cited excuse numbers 1, 4, 5 and 7 from the AFL publication: Excuses to Trot Out When Your Team Gets Done Unexpectedly. plus an original excuse that should be included in the above publication and another that was completely unexpected. Excuse # 1 We were due for a loss and it will do us good in the long run. Excuse # 4 We wuz robbed by the b_____ umpire (in this case 10 frees for and 20 against) Excuse # 5 We were still suffering from the tough game the previous week. Excuse # 7 We didn¹t need to win and we were saving ourselves for the finals. Some of the Œexcuses¹ in the publication that could NOT be used were: Excuse # 2 We were affected by the loss of several key players due to injury/suspension. Excuse # 3 We never play well in the wet. Excuse # 6 We took it easy because we were thinking of the next game (this is against Collingwood, so enough said!) Excuse # 8 We only had a 6 day break and Œthey¹ had 7(it was atually the other way round) The excuse that should be included in the publication is the following and allows the dejected supporter to go on the front foot: "How could anyone support a team like insert Western Bulldogs is beyond me. They played as if they were playing insert relevant comparison such as soccer, rugby, netball, etc. There were two teams out there but only one was playing Aussie Rules." The final excuse ­ the unexpected one ­ and probably the one that really tells the true story of the Bombers first loss for the 2000 season: "The Doggies played well" Chris Geehman When the moon is in its seventh house and Jupiter aligns with the mars, Then the Dogs will rule the planet and the Bombers will lose their stars This was the cause of the downfall The cause of the downfall Gary Bourke Dear Coodabeens, Despite this being the last chance to win a nosh up at Bill Ferg's wonderful Lobster Cave (North Concourse, Beaumaris), and a berth at the Convention, I will refrain from sucking up, bribery and overt ego massaging, and inform the entire Footy community WHY ESSENDON LOST. The answer lies in the Sunday Herald Sun stats. Simply put Essendon had 41, Bulldogs 29. Yes 29 to 41 CLANGERS! How can a team that Clangs 12 times more than its opposition possibly win? That averages out to an additional Clang three times a quarter. As an excess Clang is worth 1 point (less 10% for possible statistical error), it follows that 12 Clangs - 10% = 10.8 points rounded to the nearest whole point = 11 points - Exactly the winning margin!! Bill Cowan Simon, The Top 10 Essendon excuses for losing last weekend... a game which will henceforward be referred to as the "weight loss". 10. Fighting Weight. They weren't at it, the Bullies were. 9. Weight of Cash. The cash rolling around in the Bomber's pockets. 8. Weight of Expectations. The Don's players' expectations! 7. Weight of Coaching Panel. Sheeds was distracted when the Don's 100-member panel looked like causing structural damage to the box at Colonial. Coincidentally, this was also the reason for the Blue Baggers' loss to the Bullies at Optus. 6. Weight of shot. Scott Lucas took a shot with his right foot... no weight, no shot! 5. Weight Watchers. The Dons had one too many. 4. Weight of responsibility. Weighed down Hirdy so badly he couldn't play. 3. Weighty matters, like getting a bigger gambling sponsorship than Pagan, distracted Sheeds. 2. Weight of numbers. Is anyone really telling us that the Bullies had only 18 on the ground? I counted more than that at CHB during the third quarter! 1. That old fox, Sheedy. Just "wait" until the Finals! The David Mensch Action Faction Dear Simon, Bill Ferge and the Coodabeens Unbeknown to many of the fans at Colonial Stadium on Friday night was the presence of 2 Hollywood Stars Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny. I have it on good authority that Scully and Moulder were in attendance for research purposes in planning a future episode of the X Files. Since Kevin Sheedy¹s accusation that it was the Martians who are in control of our great game, Scully and Moulder have worked closely with the Bomber coach observing the extra terrestrial forces that ultimately decide the outcome of matches. According to Sheedy the setting for Friday night¹s game was ripe for the Martian and cosmic forces. On a dark, misty night lured by the saucer shape and glowing lights of Colonial Stadium and the presence of a pack of dogs the return of the Martians was immanent. No more was this evident when the demon of the doggies Libber straggled, tugged, pulled, poked, lynched in what appeared to be a trance of some inner spirit releasing his anger at the ever conquering bombers. The half time melee was merely a releasing of cosmic energies generated by forces of the unknown. This was the match the bombers had to lose. Nothing to do with skill level, ability, or positions on the ladders this was the return of Sheedy¹s Martians. Scully and Moulder would have walked away satisfied that another X Files show would soon be in full production. All the best andy robertson Greetings coodabeens! I know you are expecting the usual sob stories as to why those mighty Bombers fell to those bullies like seagulls, martians, etc. Well there Well be none of that. Well I have the theory and reasoning behind the last 10 minute lapse. In a masterstroke by Kevin Sheedy thinking ahead it the next week's game against the pies, the best way to fill the stadium is to give those Collingwood fans some semblance of hope, why not something novel like a Bomber loss and breathe some new life back into the competition. The message was sent out, operation Maggies. The players responded adirably and at least now the pressure is off finally having a loss under their belt and they can resume the underdog tag Kevin has used so well this season. Apart from the Essendon supporters, the rest of the football world (including you Tony) were getting bored with the monotony of Essendon's winning streak. Sheeds couldn't have scripted the weekend's results better. The top 3 have lost unexpectantly and there is a fight to the death for the last 3 or 4 places in the final 8. Now that Essendon have finally lost a game, Collingwood supporters will flock to the MCG on Saturday under the illusion that they have a chance. We all know better than that but let's not spoil the surprise. Ina Mikelsons Blonde Bomber We have been travelling very very comfortably. Too comfortably, more likely, so it was" that time" when all the troups had to take a spell,regroup,have a breathier,and once again listen to the master's words of wisdom that will rekindle the desire to take the flag for 2000. That's what a typical Bomber supporter thinks. But wo betide the Apprentice coach's Daniher Demons, who shall creap up behind the sleeping Giant in - August. From Dashing Daniher fan. Ian Sauvarin Simon Essendons ''excuse '' for losing to those Bullies last Friday lies in their quest for AFL Competition Donination for the decade to come. The AFL has systematically tried to foil the Bombers Grand plan in so many ways in the recent past. Remember they tried to stop the Grand plan by imposing recuiting restrictions after some cock-a-mamy trumped up Salary cap breach. Remember they coerced the Bombers to go to a 2nd rate home ground venue,and collo-uded with Channel Rex/Dermie to exclude valuable practice at the peoples ground. Remember way back when they (yes the sinister Martians) forced Neville Fields away from Windy Hill and made them take the untried tribe from Ungari in return?? They even turned off the airconditioning at Collo stadium so Lloydy would look silly throwing the grass in the air! Remember???? Well the Bombers do ! So they took the odds Simon , and why wouldnt they. The Vanuatu go between Mr Handy Crosno put the entire salary of the Bombers for year 2000 ON !! At 5 to 1 Simon, the best price for the whole season ......5 to 1 times the salary of $3.5 Mill , well you work it out........that buys alot of satisfaction,oh yeah! You want an excuse ......We were just waiting for the price! Oh how sweet it is.To lose and still win BIG thats the Bomber way. Now we can afford the Domination Plan. We were just waiting for the price! thank you. The ''killing me softly with handball''Action Faction. President : Gerard from Leopold. no reason...it's better now than if we don't win the BIG one...aaahhhhhhh Cathryn Curtin The South African cricket board paid them to "try" Colonial out for them. Heather CArroll Dear Simon, I am back after a lengthy period brought about initially by the run up to the end of the financial year then three weeks touring Queensland and New South Wales golf courses. I can report to all Coodabeens listeners that indeed they have no idea about the game in New South Wales but my Kangaroos Premiers Shirt did draw comments in Queensland. In relation to this weeks entry, I was wondering how I could get myself into a bitter and twisted frame of mind to impersonate an Essendon supporter, then my beloved Kangaroos solved the problem by losing as well. My entry is as follows: "AS an Essendon supporter I cannot begin to say how disappointed I am in this WEAK EFFORT by the players of only winning 20 games in a row. I blame Dustin Fletcher for his errors in the last quarter which were typical of his weak efforts this year. As for our captain Hird he is one week on then three weeks off and wimped again. Then you have those useless boys Lloyd & Lucas. I blame them for not having right foots." Michele Blight Simon, As a Saints supporter it is quite common to be confronted with opposition supporters at a loss to why they lost (when we do manage a win). Even though I wasn't at the game I have a clear vision of the following conversation. Scene: At Colonial after the game. Jack with his 5 year old son, who has been to a bit of footy over the last 2 years and never experienced a Bombers loss. Jack's 9 year old nephew is also there, and so follows the post-mortem. Travis: Why did we loose Dad? Sam: Don't you know nuffing Travis. Its cause they hurt Johnson in the first quarter, isn't that right Uncle Jack. Dad (Jack): Yeh Sam. Travis: But Dad it was Hardwick. Dad (Jack): It doesn't matter Travis, he's as good as a Johnson. But what can you expect if they don't give Sheeds the players. Travis: What do you mean Dad? Dad (Jack): Look how bad they done in the draft last year. They should have traded Misiti to Adelaide for Johnson and Bewick to Collingwood for Johnson and Caracella to Melbourne for Johnson and Moorcroft to Hawthorn for Johnson and Rioli to Brisbane for Johnson and Blumfield to the Bulldogs for Johnson and Heffernan and Prior to Geelong for Hocking Sam: Why Hocking Uncle Jack? Dad (Jack): We could have got sponsorship from Johnson & Johnson, get him to change his name and we would have had two more Johnsons. That's why we lost boys, we just ran out of Johnsons. Lets get out of this dump of a ground. Eugene Van der Westhuizen Essendons response to losing. WE DIDN'T LOSE! FAR FROM IT, WE WON!!! We won more on Friday night that we have the previous 20 weeks. We won the hearts of footballing mothers across the country for our courage and humility in the face of defeat. We won the admiration of footballing journalists (either out of the game along time or well versed with the tribunal) who said all along we couldn't possibily go all season undefeated. We won the respect of every one who has ever stared a record in the face and stumbled at the final hurdle. We won the empathy of every one who has failed to win a game they could not possibily lose. And finally, we won $578,000 at the TAB having backed the Bullbogs under 2 goals @ 5-1. The winning streak continues. Glenn from Newport Dear Coodabeen's, Essendon's excuse for losing... ...4 words "End of season trip......" Yours Sincerely Hansie C 30 REASONS WHY FOOTSCRAY BEAT ESSENDON from an actual Essendon supporter 1. The umpires paid 19 frees to FFC whilst only paying 10 to EFC 2. FFC reverted to unethical and excessive defensive tactics 3. FFC started the brawl prior to half time which unsettled the fair ball playing Essendon players such as Moorcroft, the Johnson brothers, Hardwick, Solomon etc. 4. When Chris Grant kicked the winning goal he actually played on whilst out of bounds and the umpire should have played the rule to the letter of the law and called for a ball-in 5. Simon Garlick was awarded an absolute gimme about 10 yards out in the 3rd quarter 6. The Carlton game took a lot out of the Essendon players 7. The EFC players had psyched themselves up for the Carlton game and therefore were due for a let down the following week 8. The game swung like a pendulum so if there was a further 3 minutes Essendon would have won 9. Brad Johnson gave John Barnes severe concussion which affected the teams performance 10. Despite it being an EFC home game, we all really know Docklands is the doggies home ground 11. Damien Hardwick was injured early 12. Dean Rioli was injured during the game 13. James Hird did not play 14. Jason Johnson injured his leg during the vital last quarter 15. Dean Wallis was out injured 16. Chris Heffernan was returning back from injury 17. Peter Berbakov is out with an injured knee 18. Illija Grgic was out with a back injury (clutching at straws now) 19. All of the injuries obviously unsettled the EFC line-up as players had to play out of position and we all know that Sheeds likes to keep his players in their set positions 20. Stephen Alessio started in the ruck 21. Scotty Lucas doesn¹t handball 22. The 4500 who reserved seats for the stadium but did not show up to the game due to the live coverage were all Essendon supporters and this subsequently reduced the roar of the EFC fans 23. A team that trains at a place called Windy Hill is always going to struggle in an in-door stadium 24. The lights got in the Essendon¹s players eyes 25. A Pakistani identity named John was seen at Windy Hill during the week before the game 26. Terry Wallace was telling scurrilous lies during the week about how it would be an attacking game which misled the poor old Essendon coaching team 27. Docklands does not contain a wind-sock that Sheeds can tie down 28. We planned to lose this game as it will do us good prior to the finals 29. The players realised that dropping a game against Footscray meant that only 1/50th of the supporters will harass us for a week as compared to the last game we lost whereby Carlton supporters have never stopped harassing us 30. Footscray has despised Essendon since Allan Stoneham crossed over. Footscray supporters forget that they picked up Max Crow around the same time. Glenn Smooker The team had done everything they could have done as a unit. There was nothing left to prove. Now they will split up to pursue solo projects. James Hird is developing his hair into a series of theme restaurants. Matthew Lloyd is recording a solo jazz fusion album incorporating more challenging material than he could pursue in the group context. Kevin Sheedy will concentrate that amazing mind on his own pet project: teaming with colleagues Lex Luthor and Braniac to destroy Superman. LEAPSTER Greetings Coodabeens Essendons loss to the Bulldogs is easily explained. The Bulldogs played better football on the night. It was magnificent to watch. The best part was that pathetic charade Sheeds put on by addressing his players on the field. Ive never thought Sheeds was patronizing before, but that was as patronizing as you could get. every finals side should watch it before playing the Bombers. then go out and hit em hard! Flambouyant quincy patsies! Ahhh if only it could happen again and again. The best part would be for it to happen Grand Final Day. Who cares why they lost. They did lose and it was the gritty Doggies who made it happen. If any club deserves to win the flag, Its the HAWKS, but Ill settle for the Doggies. Regards Phil Benedick First time so here goes. Here are the ten most consistent excuses l have heard this week. 1. Essendon were tired and they needed a loss to sharpen their focus. 2. Kevin Sheedy forgot to take his jacket. 3. The lights were too bright. 4. The roof was closed so the martians and seagulls were in effect locked out. 5. With their rotatation system the boys were confused and turned the ball over thinking they were at training. 6. The whole round consisted of contrived results for the good of football. 7. Western bulldogs thought they were playing Bledisloe cup and flooded the backline. 8. Kevin had his mind on going to the snow for the first time. 9. We are that far in front it doesn't matter. 10. Hansie made us an offer. Regards Tony Caia. ESSENDON LOSE!! Dear Simon, I believe it is possible to win your competition, even when the entry is a little bit "off brief". I hope to God this is true, as I have been promising my wife, who loves seafood, a night out at the Lobster Cave for some time now. I spent a "considerable" amount of time on this entry only to check this week's topic and find that what you are asking for and what I have written are not quite the same thing. Anyway, I hope you will show some lenience. (Scene: A platform above the docking bay of the Death Star. Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are engaged in a frenetic lightsabre duel.) Vader: Give up, Luke. You can't win. Skywalker: Never! (In a flurry of swordplay Luke's lightsabre is knocked from his hand, landing three or four feet away from him. He stares, frowning, at it, apparently in deep concentration. The lightsabre rises in the air and flies swiftly back to Luke's hand) Vader (Thinks): Hmm, the Force is strong in this one. (They fight some more) Vader: Luke, come over to the Dark Side. Skywalker: Never! Vader: It's your destiny, Luke. Skywalker (Momentarily confused): N-Never! (They fight some more) Vader: Luke, I must tell you something. Skywalker: I don't want to hear it, Vader. Prepare to die. (They fight some more. Vader's lightsabre is knocked from his hand. Skywalker kicks it over the edge of the platform and raises his own lightsabre, ready for the kill) Skywalker: Ha! Vader: Listen to me, Luke. I'm...I'm your father. Skywalker (shocked): Wha...N-Never! (Skywalker lowers his lightsabre) Vader: It's true, Luke. Skywalker: No! I don't believe you! Vader: Think about it Luke. You know it to be true. (Tears are forming in Skywalker's eyes) Skywalker: No! It can't be! Vader: It is, Luke. (Obi-wan Kenobi appears in miniature, hovering above Skywalker's right shoulder) Kenobi: Listen to him, Luke. He speaks the truth. Skywalker: No! (Princess Leia appears in miniature, hovering above Skywalker's left shoulder) Leia: Obi-wan's right, Luke. Vader's my father, too. It's not so bad. Skywalker (finally accepting, to Vader): So...so you really are my father? Vader: Yes, Luke. Skywalker: I-I can't believe it. Vader: It's true, Luke. (Long pause) Skywalker: You know...those umpires didn't give us much of a go last night, did they...dad? Vader: Son, they flippin' CRUCIFIED us. THE END Richard "I need this" Hall. It was the Seagulls, according to coach Sheedy. The Seagulls that are fed to Footscray via the Williamstown Seagulls..i.e the Ben Dooley's the Cox's and I think that Brad Johnston may have been listed to play for the Seagulls at some stage during the season,though it appeared he may have been attacked by a Seagull right on half time,dangerous things those Seagulls. With the roof shut its the only way those Seagulls can get into the Corporate Stadium. David McNiece Dear Coodabeens After entering this competition on and off for around 14 years, I have finally woken up to the fact that you take the theme of the competition and loosely run with it. So this week, instead of making up excuses, I will give factual accounts of what was ACTUALLY said at the footy on Friday Night and what was said to me over the weekend. At the game...... My wife refused to acknowledge that Steve Kolyniuik was a league footballer and said he "looks like the sort of fat bloke that should be in the forward pocket in the 2nds at Devon Meadows" (He kicks 2 in the final 1/4) I bumped into a mate of mine that I have grown up with, Dave. Dave is a large boy, 8 axe handles across the shoulders, covered in Tatts, Mullet haircut and a Horn hanging out of his nose. Despite his menacing appearance, he's quite a nice bloke and we engaged in some gentle ribbing 1/4 time 1/2 time and 3/4 time when he pretty much conceded defeat. At the end of the game I went over to him to congratulate him where he grabbed me in a bear hug and crushed every bone in my upper body, he then put a hand on each shoulder and looked me in the eye and said " Say what you like, but we were 22 points behind the best team in the land 10 minutes into the last 1/4 and we still beat you!" At this point I had no excuses left!!!!!! He then introduced me to his mate Kenny, also a bulldogs supporter, who couldn't speak due to the torrent of tears that were flowing down his cheeks........its nice to see people happy! I then went to the toilet as I was leaving, the bloke next to me was full of idiot soup and doing a bit of line dancing as he screamed "Well they may as well engrave that cup now, those bulldogs have taken the pressure off us, we will never let that happen to us again, we are to good for that rubbish......................but that wont help me get the 6 grand I was going to win if we went through undefeated!" A young girl was crying her eyes out as we walked down the stairs, I said to her "Dont worry about it, I'm sure we'll still make the finals" Her father said "She's crying because she's had an argument with her uncle" Her mother interrupted with "Yeah......her stupid drunk Uncle" and from behind them both a bloke was muttering "Stupid Bulldogs, hate the Bulldogs, Bloody Bulldogs" and on and on he went. On the train.......... A somewhat quiet train ride home with the only conversation coming from a very nice young man who was somewhat intellectually challenged. After dissecting every remaining game in the round and the Brownlow he told me that the Essendon Scarf he was wearing wasn't his...."its my Mums" he said "I'm a Collingwood supporter......we wouldn't lose if we were that far infront!" It wasn't till later that I realised there were no Footscray supporters on the train, they were all still at the ground singing! At Home.........Got home to Cannons Creek around 1/4 to 12 and there was a message on the answering machine, hit play and was greeted with the entire Bulldogs theme song sung by the Wainwright family Choir, friends of ours with 3 young Daughters who are all fanatic Bulldogs. I thought I might wait till around 1 am and ring them back to congratulate them, but decided against it..........they were happy My 6 yo Daughter wakes up at around 3 am feeling sick and hops into our bed, I tell her that the Bombers lost.......'Really???????' she asks quizzically "How come Dad? Did James play???" My 4 yo Son is awake before I get up for work so I tell him the bad news "How did that happen Dad?" he asks and then follows up with "Dont worry Dad, I'll play for them next time and we will never lose" At Work....... My Dad rings me at work and wants to know if I'm feeling OK, I kinda expected a call from him, he barracks for Footscray. He drops into work a little later and relieves me of a $100............its always good to see your Dad so happy! At Golf........The secretary manager screams at me from one side of the putting green to the other "Hey Kevvy ........CARNA DOGGIES!!!!!!!!!" as he waves his Bulldog tie at me grinning from ear to ear. Later on that day I lose the Comp on a count back, the Secretary/Manager announces that "There is no way a Bomber was going to win anything this weekend!" still grinning from ear to ear and waving his tie at me, I think its nice to see people so happy On Sunday........we venture out to Glen Waverley to see my Brother carry the Olympic Flame, my Dad still wants to talk footy, my 2 best mates barrack for Carlton and are looking somewhat despondent, some bloke in a Collingwood scarf is smiling, my brother has the best day of his life and the whole Olympic flame experience is fantastic and I go to bed with the Bombers 5 games clear on top..........and I smile.....its nice to be happy! Kevin Nolan Dad, why did the Bombers lose to the Western Bulldogs? The Umpires, Son, the Umpires All season we've been getting the short end of the stick from those Umpires but this time they've gone too far. This time they decided to only pay the free kicks that were actually there. Can you believe it. They'll do anything to cut down the tall poppies Son. Peter O'Sullivan Dear Coodabeens, Being front and square with you all, I'd like to run through my lines why Essendon lost to the Bulldogs. 1/. It was good for football. (what an original quote, someone should use it!!) 2/. We needed to lose one before the finals to set us up for that one day (that's barely)in September this year. 3/. We had to beat Carlton last week to maintain an edge on them and losing to Collingwood this week would be just plain intolerable. Kevin Chambers. Dear Coodabeens love the show the reason essendon lost friday nite is simple, dustin fletcher is hansi croje's brother, coz there is no other reason he could have been so good for one half and so bad for another. He liked the odds on offer for draw half time doggies full time double and did all that was in his power to make sure he got the money. Joshua Pask Why did Essendon lose? Simple.... IT'S ALL JUST PART OF THE PROCESS! KEITH PAYNE

Home | Competition | Ask Tony | Guru Bob