Wild Cards: At this stage of the year, supporters of every club lstart looking at the one that got away, the"if-only' result that could've changed the season. To tackle this head on, we propose the introduction of a Wild Card fixturing or result that can be played by a club or coach at any time. Nominate the Wild Card for each club.

Coodabeens, "Wild Card" If only Collingwood could invoke the "MaGuire life-line" The MaGuire wild card is similar to the 'go back 3 spaces' in monopoly, except all teams would go back 15 rounds so they could play the finals in mid-April. The magpies would have a double chance, Buckley would win the Brownlow and Essendon would no doubt miss the G/F after finishing on top the ladder for the second consecutive season. Yours Sincerely Disgruntled Saint fan. WILDCARD COMP (ENTRY NO.20 FROM 3366 FACTION- DUE FOR A WIN THANKS ) 1. For all Teams minus Essendon - They would go back to Games when they were playing either Carlton or the AAA Kangaroos. The Wildcard they would play would be for a resitting of the Umpires video review of the previous weeks game involving Carlton or North where the Umps would see the error of their ways and cite either no 43 for Carlton or no.18 for North. This would see either of those players rubbed out for the clash against your team. As for the Bombers they have already had at least 3 wildcards a) Clearly they were allowed to choose the ballet loving John " nureyev " Harvey as the officiating Umpire for the Swans Vs Essendon clash where Joe Misiti was allowed to get away with "34 pirorettes" in a tackle before kicking a match winning goal. b) James Hird was not recently injured. He received a Wildcard for Wimbledon and managed to reach the Semi Final posing as "unknown Russian" Alexander Volchov c) Expect to see the Golden boy Matty Lloyd on the winners podium on the Champs Elysee after a stage victory at the Tour de France 2. Wildcard for St.Kilda - Combine the points from the AFL and VFL ladders. This makes the eight : Essendon 112 Carlton 108 Melbourne 104 Geelong 94 Hawth 84 Dogs 83 Roos 72 Coll 60 St.K 58 Clearly this is unacceptable as Essendon and Carlton still dominate. So we subtract a point for every mention the teams get in the footy pages of the Herald Sun. The ladder now reads : Essendon 112 -80 Carlton 108-76 Melbourne 104-60 Geelong 94-40 Hawth 84-30 Dogs 83-30 Roos 72-35 Coll 60-60 St.K 58 -1 (Watson's resignation) Consequently the new ladder reads : St.K 57 Geel 54 Haw 54 Dogs 48 Swans 47 Melb 44 Briso 39 Rich 30 with Essendon, Carlton and Collingwood battling it out for the spoon. From Paul Russo/John Clements (3366 Faction) Losers for the last 19 weeks. Is this the longest losing streak in AFL/VFL/COODABEENS history ? WILD CARDS ADELAIDE: The "J. Shanahan" - This wild card compels the opposition coach to put a big slow, ungainly backman on a slightly smaller but much more mobile forward and leave him there no matter what. BRISBANE - The "Hot Stuff" - When playing in Melbourne or Adelaide on a cold, wet night enables the Bears, sorry Lions, to replace the globes in the light towers with powerful heat lamps. Also includes the "Muggy Buggy" - a massive portable humidifier designed & built in Kuala Lumpur to provide a stifling 98 per cent humidity in any weather. CARLTON - The "Jack-Pot" - In times of crisis renders the salary cap & transfer rules null & void and generates huge piles of money to entice any well performing opposition player to switch to the Blues, where he is placed "on ice" below the Legends stand. COLLINGWOOD - The "Life Line" - Enables club president to place phone call to powerful mate "Kerry" requesting that he "sort this mess out, and fast". ESSENDON - N/A FREMANTLE - The "Now-you-see-me-now-you-don't" - Causes colours on jumpers to emit a brilliant green & purple light, blinding baffled opponents and umpires alike. Only works when in possession of ball. GEELONG - The financially struggling Cats are only able to afford a large "Detour" sign which is placed by the Geelong Road just before the Werribee turnoff, sending opponents on a long and frustrating journey through Hoppers Crossing, Melton, Bacchus Marsh and finally Ballarat, by which time they have more or less lost the will to live. HAWTHORN - The "20 Man Rule/Tardis Sub-clause" - Enable the Hawks to play 2 extra men and furthermore travel back in time in order that those extra men can be eg Dermott Brereton & Peter Hudson in their prime. KANGAROOS - "The Great Sydney Experiment" - Brings into play a little known by-law which states in effect that for a match result to be legally binding said match must be witnessed by over 20000 paying customers. MELBOURNE - Also use the "20 Man Rule/Tardis Sub-clause". And many more which escape me at the moment. RICHARD HALL Collingwood Wild Card. To be played prior to the draft. The team finishing bottom has 2 priority draft picks. Instead of picking 2 players to be added to your list permanently, Mick Malthouse uses his draft picks on a weekly basis. This is done by adding to the Collingwood side, two players from their opponent's list. The selected players must be at the peak of their form, fully fit and play for nothing. Failure by them to be in the top 3 players for Collingwood means an automatic 4 weeks suspension and their club forfeiting all the daily takings which go directly to the Collingwood players end of season trip fund. If, under this system, Collingwood by some quirk of fate fails to win the game, a further priority pick will be added per week until they do. An example of how this works would be: Round 6. Essendon 15.10.100 defeated C'Wood 15.9.99. Collingwood best - Hird, Lloyd, Buckley. Round 7. C'Wood 25.15.165 defeated Carlton 8.8.56. Collingwood best - Koutafidies, Silvagni, Hickmott, Buckley. Round 8. Collingwood 28.15.183 defeated The Kangaroos 3.8.26. Collingwood best - Carey, Archer, Buckley etc. If 2 Wild Cards were possible, Collingwood would have the right to send 2 of their players to their opponents team, and they must be given at least 80 minutes playing time per match. The Rocca brothers would be automatic selections for this Wild Card, unless one (or both) show some form and/or fitness, in which case they will be retained in the Magpies VFL team and 2 other players (preferably earmarked for delisting) transferred. Regards, Bill Cowan P.S. St. Kilda's Wild Card would be similar, but require each opponent to supply their Coaching Panel, in the hope they might actually find one they like! DEAR SIMON, The Wild Card. (even if this doesn’t get a run on radio, please give Tony a quick look) Sometimes a team is looking down the barrel of a tragic season; they have battled manfully all year, have a tough draw and, to make things worse, key players cop injuries as the finals loom. This was the Bulldogs lot as they prepared for the recent Blues game. These tough times call for a champion. Someone who will suffer for the team they love when all looks lost; a person who will stand in the gap and save thousands from misery; someone who may look like Jane but play like Tarzan. etc. A decade ago, that person was Irene Chatfield. Please picture the Bulldogs planning session for the Blues game: Terry Wallace (in his once fashionable leather pants) talking to his match committee: No Grant, no Hunter, no Darcy, no Ellis; and Southern retired! Where’s Chatfield when we need her this time?” he would have groaned; “If only Irene could save us just once more!” A seemingly defeated group blankly stared back at Terry. Then on match day, Wallace (now with more conventional trousers, of course) steps onto POO (Princes Optus Oval) with defeat looming as large as the nose of that famous Blues identity {small pause while audience guesses which name will come next): Luke O’Sullivan! The season is as good as gone! But wait! There is a change on the Blues team sheet. OUT: Bradley IN: CHATFIELD. A small glimmer of hope rises in the collective heart of the faithful little coaching group. Irene appears briefly on the field and exerts a strange influence over the game; and the men in white. The free kick count (usually dead even at this ground) is in the visitors’ favour. And when the blatantly obvious free is awarded to Trent Bartlett late in the game, he seals the win for the Dogs. Irene has prevailed against the odds once more. And like the selfless champion that she is, she has already stepped back into obscurity and made way for Bradley this week. (While many would expect Parkin to be devastated, his scholarly mind has already begun composing a thesis on the role of women in football.) So, you see, Simon, the wild card DOES EXIST and HAS been played. Doug Long For any team, the wildcard would have to be: Rd10 1999. Give the Saints a season turning win. Stan Alves is back in favour and no longer has the full support of the board. The Saints continue on their way constantly being rated by opposition clubs as "thereabouts" and "one of the contenders for the finals" And end in the season in 10th place. It is a seldom remembered fact that Kevin Sheedy was looking a little shakey at this point. The Essendon board, in an unprecedented move, throw their full support behind Kevin Sheedy and apoint the then unsigned and untested Tim Watson as coach. Surprisingly Tim finds that player conflicts and keeping a gameplan together are not problems unique to St Kilda and drags the bombers down into mediocrity.... Bruce Hardie Dear Coodabeens, The wild card game for Richmond was whatever game made them decide each week to vote somebody off the island. The moment Collingwood would like back was when the eager words used by Eddie McGuire to describe his next project were misheard by spa maintenance staff as "Who wants to be a legionnaire?" (If, as I suspect, others have arrived at that gag before me, please disregard and I apologise for wasting your time.) The decision Melbourne would like back was having Red Symons represent them at the 1997 draft. Anybody else would have phoned a friend and got the answer to the 50/50 question "Travis Johnston or Brad Ottens?" right. Regards, Stuart McArthur Dear Coodabeens, The following are my suggestions for your `Wild Card' competition, with coaches being offered cards and opportunitys used in Monopoly. Essendon: Kevin Sheedy will be given a Go to straight to `Grand Final' card, do not pass the prelimanary final, do not collect narrow loss. Carlton: With hotels on May Fair and Park Lane the Blues don't need much luck. Nevertheless, everyone knows Aaron Hamil recieved a `get out of tribunal free card'. Kangaroo's: Mick Martyn once again recieves the `second prize in a beauty contest' card. Who knows, the $10 could come in handy after the Sydney experiment. Hawthorn: Recieve the go straight to Fraser Gehrig card. After refusing to sell it to Collingwood, they later discover the catch. If owned, pay owner twice the ammount. Western Bulldogs: Bulldogs unfortunately land on Carlton's May Fair and Park Lane (Optus Oval) and are forced to pay the excessive rent. Like Fitzroy and Hawthorn before them the Bulldogs look like having to pay back debts to Carlton for quite a while. Melbourne: Land on `free parking' just in time for finals at the MCG. The Range Rovers should take advantage of this great offer. Collingwood: Mick Malthouse recieves the `Go straight to nearest utility card'. Lets hope they don't trade it for Steve McKee. Fremantle: The boys from Old Kent Road don't even deserve a card. Tim Wood Yarrambat. Gentlemen and Rabble (Tony), Wildcard Player: Their Wildcard: Peter Schwab - IF ONLY Nathan Buckley hadn't had his jaw broken in 1999 and missed 5 games, he would have taken Charlie home and Shane would not have had to play each game this year being tagged by both Charlie and the opposition. Clubs Savaged by the: IF ONLY they'd slotted in a train line out to Waverly. Docklands Occult Coodabeens Listeners: IF ONLY 3AW wasn't the No.1 broadcaster of tram interference, we'd get to hear the whole show each week. Oliver Kysela Yarra Valley OB v Uni Blacks, 1st vs 2nd in the "other" blockbuster this weekend Adelaide - Haven't & Won't play their wildcard until 1st week of the finals. They will start beating everyone on their way to the finals and push the Bombers all the way. Brisbane - Lions Coach Leigh Mathews will implore his team all get a peroxide hairdo and practice their gymnastics. In an attempt to get the once perocial Brisy crowd back on side and influencing results. Carlton - The Blues had their chance last week and blew it. With the late withdrawal of 2 players, Carlton should have given Ronny " White Line Fever" Deluio a chance to add to his illustrious career. His complete stupidity would have been a welcome respite to what was otherwise a very frustrating game of football. Collingwood - Played their wildcard early. The pies odviously were on the juice for the first 5 rounds. Rumour has it Ben Johnson was their fitness couch early this year (they will be suspended from using a wildcard for 2 years). Essendon - Kevin Sheedy will play his wild card in the last round of the year. He will refuse to coach the team, and sit in the stands with his staff claiming the " This team can coach themselves" (ala the Beatle's claiming they were bigger than Jesus!) Fremantle - The Dockers are a tragic tragic case, as sure as they are getting better, they are certain to trade them to other clubs for dud experienced players. I'm afraid that this season they were not dealt a wildcard and have been dealt a deck of jokers. (Tone & young Haselby excluded!!!!) Geelong - Geelong haven't played their trump card and it could come anytime soon. The once mercurial Derek Hall is due to burst into the team, kick a swag of goals and take the Cats to an improptued victory. Rumour has it Mench hasn't broken his jaw and that it is a ploy to get Derek back into the fold. Hawthorn - The Hawks attempted to play their wildcard against the Bombers. The great Fish himself, build up and all, just wasn't able to get his Hawks across the line. I can still hear the crowd yelling "win it for Fish" the problem though it was the Bombers supporters. Kangaroos - The Roos will play their wildcard in the 1st week of the finals. They will request their home final to played in Wagga Wagga where the majority of their supporter base live. Melbourne - The Dee's under the urging from Joseph's hip pocket will sign up sponsor the last round of the year as their wildcard. The Dee's will be known as the Melbourne " Land Cruisers" and will wear a Blue leather jumper with a red trim. Port Adelaide - Mark Williams in round 4 should have had a complete nervous breakdown in front a packed media conference. Another poor umpiring display had finally got the better of him and he breaks down weeping and raving. This in turn would gel the team together and cause the Power to surge to many vital wins emulating the feets of last year. Alas it was not to be and Mark is staring down the barrel. Richmond - The Tigers too, played their wildcard early. They tried to convince the footy public and the media that the Tiger's were a better outfit without Richo. A few months on the jury is still out, however I suspect it maybe a short post season for the Tig's & I doubt very much whether they will trade him. St Kilda - The wildcard was played when they convinced Timmy to fall on his own sword. The net result was a win. However the card was only half played as Tim's shadow Mr Plympton missed the sword and decided hang around to see how wildcard played. The net result is they haven't won since. Sydney - All hail the wildcard of wildcards, the resurrection of the dead. Paul Kelly was a masterstroke, it should have resulted in an immediate win and has resulted in several since. If the cards fall right, we just may see Swans come finals time. West Coast - The Eagles are in diabolical mess, an aging list, their best players are over 30 (it sounds like Carlton all over). The Eagles unfortunately lost their wildcard early. Little do we forget that young Wirpunda was the Brownlow favorite early on when the Eagles where 4/9 on the make the eight. Western Bulldogs - The Bullies played a masterstroke last week. I thought my eyes were deceiving me when I saw 12 no 14 Bullies in the backline and a lone Simon Garlick in the forward line. He proved the match winner. I only hope they can pull it off next week against the Bombers. All the Best, Jason North ***Collingwood*** should have invoked their Wildcard early in the season. Recent history has taught them that the 4 points become very elusive after Round 5. Therefore their Wildcard should have been a slight variation to the rules that results in the Finals commencing immediately after Round 1. Then with 4 weeks of Finals they may have been a chance to revive their glory days......... by being Runners Up !!!!!! **Essendon** in the game they looked most like losing against the Swans in Sydney in Round 14. Trailing by 3 goals at 3/4 time, it was almost time to play the Wild Card. They decided to hang on to it for a bit longer. 20 minutes in to the last quarter and they're still trailing by a few points. As they were playing the Swans they decided to appeal to evryones's sense of nostalgia and invoke their Joker with the use of the little-known "Bloods Rule". As a result, all Bloods players' spirits left the field and the Bombers came home over the top of them. **St Kilda** Tim Watson proved once again that the Wild Card concept is a reality and has been for several years. The Saint's coach played his Wild Card in the leadup to Round 17. "I hereby play my joker !" he declared. And then, almost as an afterthought... "Oh, by the way, I'm also announcing my resignation". The forces of nature then conspired (as they so often do) to produce a win for the hapless Saints. It could result in teams rorting the Wild Card rule, by starting the season with 22 coaches-in-waiting. After each week, the coach for that Round would announce his resignation (effective immediately). A perfect season beckons. Perhaps Essendon have been dong this in-house !!!??? Regards Brendan Saunders Dear Coodabeens, In an attempt to even the competition several wildcards must be introduced to lesson Essendon’s dominance. Several wildcard rules could be played by opposing coaches in any given quarter against the Bombers. The Staging Wildcard Every time Matthew Lloyd stages for a free kick, the umpire would award a kick against Lloyd plus a 200 metre penalty to his direct opponent. Justice would finally be served for opposing fans to see Lloyd dragged after conceding 8 goals to the likes of Prestagiacomo, Harley or Kretiuk in a quarter. The Lucas Wildcard Scott Lucas would only be permitted to kick on his right boot, the resulting 3 metre kicks could be easily intercepted by the opposition. Any left foot kicking or handballing would result in the obligatory 200 metre penalty. The Barnard Prior Wildcard In Netball only the goal shooter and goal attack can score. In any given quarter, opposing coaches can nominate that only Paul Barnard and Michael Prior can score for the Bombers. In the remaining quarter, Essendon goals would be worth only 2 points. In addition, each club would be given one "It’s a Knockout" style joker that would enable sides to gain 8 premiership points for a win. It would be interesting to see Mick Malthouse’s reaction to most clubs playing the joker against Collingwood. Have a bewdy, Cam and Al McDill Coodabeens, THE "MELBOURNE - HAWKS WILDCARD" Can be played once during a season on a first come- first merge basis. This is a supporter initiated wildcard. The conditions are if at any stage during the club's AFL/ VFL life it - proposed a merger, - had merger talks or - there were rumours about it merging then it's supporters qualify for the "MELBOURNE - HAWKS WILDCARD" ("MHW"). The use of the MHW will mean that for the remainder of the season (in the supporters eyes) the club will merge with the club that at one time it was 'gonna' merge with. As this is a supporters only Wildcard both teams will continue playing their normal fixture and the club may even be oblivious to the MHW having being played by its supporters. THe supporters then have rights under a MHW to - Bask in the glory of the others success - Attend both games and refer to the club by its merged name. - Disclaim the merger actually took place, if the 'other' half of the merged club is losing - Be able to buy new jumpers with combined colours (note if turned inside out the jumper will be the original team colours if the above disclaimer card is played) Malcolm Blight will coach the merged team from the stands without actually talking to the players and will give interviews after the game as to how 'his' players went whilst making outlandish demands on the AFL to change the rules which inherently prejudice merged clubs. A further condition is that the some supporters at the start of the season will be given (by random ballot) what is effectively the 'Reverse' Uno card to the negate the effect of the MHW. This is the Don Scott Block ("DSB") which the supporters can play by calling a public meeting in the clubs home town, town hall. Note, Don Scott must be in attendance to qualify for the use of the DSB . Daniel Taylor Dear all, I realise there will be many entries similar to this one as no team should have to face the ignominy of being slaughtered twice in a season so I have added a smaller contribution at the bottom. Carlton....................Vs Essendon North Melbourne....................Vs Essendon Melbourne....................Vs Essendon Brisbane....................Vs Essendon Richmond....................Vs Essendon Geelong....................Vs Essendon Collingwood....................Vs Essendon Footscray....................Vs Essendon Hawthorn....................Vs Essendon Adelaide....................Vs Essendon West Coast....................Vs Essendon St Kilda....................Vs Essendon Port Power....................Vs Essendon Fremantle....................Vs Essendon Sydney....................Vs Essendon Essendon....................Vs Essendon (in a intra club practice match when they were really pushed for the only time this year. or possibly Essendon vs Melbourne when we only won by 13 points in what could only be described as a dark day for the Red and Black. Also the Galapagos Islands have decided to use a wild card Vs Australia in the lead up to qualifying for the Soccer in Sydney as they just missed out being beaten 17/0 despite having the BOG in their team. Sorry to waste your time with such a pathetic entry Yours Kevin Nolan Dear Coodabeens, The following wildcard nominations do not prejudice teams that have deserved to win matches, or alternatively do not advantage teams that are not good enough to win matches. The wildcards suggested are available in situations where, for one reason or another, a team did not deserve to lose, and given the appropriate circumstances, would have won. Therefore, all in all, they are good for football. The situations in which a wildcard will be available are: The good kicking wildcard - used where a team has more scoring shots but still loses because their opponents just appear to be kicking goals from all angles. We all know that 'Bad Kicking is Bad Football' and should not be rewarded but no-one ever mentioned that 'Good Kicking is Good Football' therefore the wildcard would not be seen as being unfair. The last minute replacement wildcard - where an opposition team replaces a player in its selected side and that replacement kicks more than 2 goals, a last minute replacement wildcard may be used. This wildcard could have possibly been used by Dennis Pagan had the Kangaroos lost to Melbourne in Round 17. The Demons' had 2 last minute replacements - 20 year old utility Peter Walsh and classy left footer Brad Green. Green kicked 3 goals and Bruce 1 giving a total of 4 from replacements. This wildcard could bring new strategies into the game such as leaving the replacements unattended to enable wildcard usage, a ploy not too dissimilar from the 'off-side trap'. The sacked coach wildcard - this is available to teams who are playing a side whose coach has announced his retirement during the week leading up to the game. This would have been gladly used by Bomber Thompson in Round 17 when they met St Kilda and by Tim Watson last year when Tony Shaw announced his retirement. The last round grand final wildcard - This is available in the final round of the season to teams who are in the eight prior to the last round of the season and are playing a team which has no chance of making the finals. A team not participating in the finals often refers to the last round as 'our grand final'. With no fear of injury or suspension to the team outside the eight, it is only fair that the potential finalists be given a wildcard. The injured player wildcard - this is available where a player leaves the ground injured before half time seemingly destined never to return (eg hobbles into change rooms with the assistance of a trainer), and it is imperative to the availability of this wildcard that a central commentator or the boundary rider, say that "it is unlikely that [player's name] will see any further part of the action today", only for that player to re-emerge some time after half time and be influential in turning the game in his team's favour. Notable example this year was Michael Voss who hobbled off the ground against Collingwood at the Gabba only to come back after half time and kick a 60m goal which turned the game Brisbane's way. The Garry Lyon wildcard - this is available where a team recalls a veteran who is past his prime into the side from the reserves and that player's presence "lifts" the rest of the team. Examples of where this wildcard would be used is any time Garry Lyon pulled on the boots for Melbourne in his last few years, and Gavin Brown's recall from the VFL for Collingwood's third round match against Carlton where he kicked 3 goals in the first quarter to set up Collingwood's victory. The star player coming back from suspension wildcard - this is available where a star player for the opposition, who has been suspended for at least 3 matches, happens to return for the game against your side. Knowing that the wildcard may be used in such circumstances may prompt teams to leave such players out effectively turning the suspension into a much longer ban. This will assist in "cleaning up the game". The Steve Allessio wildcard - this is available where a player who only plays, on average, one good game a year, plays that game against your side. Named in honour of one of the best at this caper. An example of where this wildcard would have been available was in Melbourne's round 2 victory against the Kangaroos when the recently retired James Cook kicked 6 goals. To signal the usage of a wildcard, a protest siren will be sounded after the final bell. To avoid confusion with the second siren allowing people to run onto the playing arena, the protest siren will be immediately followed by Deni Hines' 'It ain't over till it's over'. The use of a protest siren will ensure that no matter how bad your team is playing, supporters will be encouraged to stay at least until after the second siren. The Martinelli Bros Dear Coodabeens - Wild cards by club. ADELAIDE - as Champs well knows, Adelaide have played Carlton at the Phone Box every single season since they joined the league, whereas the Blues have hardly racked up the Frequent Fliers returning the favour. Should Adelaide miss the finals by a small margin, they are allowed 3 bonus "Collo-points" in honour of the man who dreamed up such a fair and equitable draw. BRISBANE - The Lions wildcard should be known as the "mercurial Daryl White" card. After all, consistency should be rewarded, and playing a good game every second week is consistent in it's own way. CARLTON - Have used their "Hamill" card at the tribunal this week. As they did in 1999. COLLINGWOOD - Their wildcard is called a "lifeline". The AFL should immediately recast the final 8 to be based on a teams best 5 consecutive matches. ESSENDON - If Essendon go through Rnd 22 still unbeaten, they get to call on their "Collingwood 1929" card, and when they inevitably lose the Preliminary final by a point, get the right to challenge their conquerors. FREMANTLE - Unfortunately, Freo will delist or trade their wildcard, which will bob up at the AAA's next year. Rumour has it that this year's wildcard is known as the "Callaghan". GEELONG - Have already sneakily played their wildcard during the H&A season. As many pundits picked them to prop up the ladder this season, their likely finals appearance suggests they played their card, although it obviously wasn't the night Bizzell just missed bombing it through from well over 90 metres out against Collingwood. HAWTHORN - If Hawthorn miss on percentage, they get to play their "Holland" card. Every shot that Nick Holland missed during the year, Brodie Holland retrospectively gets a shot at, and the Hawks percentage is adjusted accordingly. AAA's - Their traditional "Harvey/Goldspink" wildcard hasn't been used yet this year, where an interstate team gets stuffed by the umpires in the last minute of a game at the MCG to allow the AAA's to snatch a late winning goal (Adelaide, 1998; Port Adelaide, Brisbane 1999). Now that the AAA's are a defacto interstate club, their wildcard is now valid against a Victorian club. Watch out Essendon in the preliminary final. MELBOURNE - Like Geelong, Melbourne played their wildcard early. By using their power in the IOC to have season shifted forward a few weeks, MCC members will get some skiing in after the Grand Final. PORT POWER - Get to play their "tradition" card this year. Traditionally, Port Adelaide qualify for the finals. By missing out, something has gone horribly wrong, and they should just be allowed to play in the finals by rights. If this card doesn't work there'll be a huge rally down at Alberton and Jack Cahill and Russell Ebert will be re-installed as co-coaches. RICHMOND - Still have the "Ottens/Daffy" card available. If they miss the finals, they can replay the matches against Freo with Nick Daffy playing, and against Hawthorn with Ottens included, to see if that makes a difference to the season. ST. KILDA - their 2000 wildcard is the "John Kerr" card. Nothing can help the Saints this year. SYDNEY - it's grossly unfair to the Swans that only the AAA's and the Bulldogs played away games against them at the SCG this year. If Sydney dip out, they should be allowed a challenge match against whichever team finishes 8th this year, at the SCG, with the game being called a "home" game for the 8th side. WESTERN BULLDOGS - The Bulldogs cashed in about 10 years worth of wildcards last Saturday. How else can it be explained that they were the first team in over 100 years not to be absolutely crucified by the men in white at the Phone Box? WEST COAST - get to play their "Hawthorn 1996" card next year. After so many years of being written off, and so many years of making the finals, it seems odd to have a finals without the Eagles. Next year, a merger betweeen West Coast and Freo will be mooted, to form the "Freo Eagles", wearing Freo colours and a Freo jumper with an Eagle on the chest. At an angry meeting at Subiaco town hall, Steve Malaxos will rip the Eagle from the new guernsey in protest at the merger. Later that week, in Round 22, the Eagles will win the XIVth derby to scrape in to 8th spot. Regards, Steve As an Arden(t) AAA's supporter (pardon the street gag) my wildcard would be played retrospectively. Why not I say. I ask you, ... isn't it one of the great beauties of our game that we do not let bygones be bygones? My wildcard, boys, would be played in the 1950, Essendon vs. North Melbourne Grand Final, previously attributed as a win to the Essendon Football Club. By playing my wildcard in such a manner (ala the old 'It's a Knockout') a psychological advantage of never having lost to Essendon in a Grand Final would be gained, a possibly crucial factor come September. Other possible wildcard games are: * Adelaide: The 1997 & 1998 Finals Series - well, ... if they were to play their wildcards like this there would be few complaints, if any. * Geelong: The 1992, 1994 and 1995 Grand Finals (1989 Grand Final they'd keep as they 'got' Dermie and that's worth more than a flag). * St. Kilda: The question should be rephrased to say 'which game from the 2000 season wouldn't the St. Kilda Football Club wish to play a wildcard in to alter the result?' * Sydney: Rather an event than a game here. A wildcard would be played to keep a certain player, formerly of an old Sydney recruiting zone, and now at the AAA football club, from being discarded by Sydney recruiters (hint: his no's between 17 and 19). Yours hopefully yet unexpectedantly. Andrew of Mulgrave. Entry By: The Darren Wheildon Sue your hairdresser action faction (Travis Bull) The game is so obvious for Melbourne Fans and Fans of an even competition Round 1 Melbourne V Richmond If this game was reversed and melbourne had they would be sitting on top of the ladder with 15 wins on percentage. You See the next week Melbourne beat North however if they had won the week before against Richmond they probably would have lost against North because the passion to win against the odds wouldn't have been as strong. After a crushing defeat in this game Melbourne would have won 6 out of the next 7 as demonstrated after the Carlton loss in Round 13 this year. North on the other had would have reversed there form slump and continued the good form of 1999 and won the next 11 straight which would have meant that they would have beaten Essendon in round 13. Both sides from this game would have been in trouble. Essendon new form slump would last for the remaining 9 weeks as collingwoods did. If you cast your memory back to Round 5 this year when they were sitting undefeated and then lost 9 directly after that. North would have developed a right good premiership hangover after beating the unbeatable only to lose there next 6 games. Melbourne would then go on to win the flag with only Geelong and Carlton any oposition. This entry is sent in on behalf of the Shadow Minister For Sport who has quite rightly identified a conflict of interest and has therefore got me to send this in on his behalf. The entry is as follows: Never mind the "what ifs", "if onlys", and "maybes" for this season...... We are GEELONG, and we are still complaining about 1997! About... Playing North Melbourne On a Sunday At night At the MCG In the rain and then (in Adelaide), That Colbert mark! It's just not fair!, It's just not fair!, It's just not fair! Never mind a joker. It's more like a joke. Keith Payne Dear Simon, I believe the clubs/coaches of the following teams should play the following "Wildcards" to ensure the ultimate success in 2000. This competition closely follows my entry for the new Football show on Channel 10 called "If Only" were each week the host would go through each rounds "If Onlys". I realise you were away for that week of the competition so I have attached a copy of that entry for your perusal in hindsight. AAA Kangaroos "Alphabetical Listings" model. With the drop in literacy levels being highlighted in the education system, the AFL should not compound the confusion by basing ladder position on performance. Back to the three "R's" and an alphabetically correct ladder. Adelaide Can't play their "Wildcard" as they have already played it twice. In 1997 and again in 1998. You can only go to the well so many times. Brisbane "Capitalise on the work already done" wisdom. Great in-roads have been made In the north and to stop them now by not giving the Lions a finals berth will undo all the good work in making the AFL a "true" National competition. Carlton "It's good for football" premise. Giving Carlton a position in the finals means not only are Carlton fans satisfied but the rest of the footy public wants to see them beaten, this must be good for football. Collingwood "Media Exposure" rationale. The more one is exposed to the media the greater the interest generated by the public and therefore the greater the pressure applied to the Club, therefore special compensation must be given to the most exposed (over) Club. Essendon The "Back to Grassroots" theory, in the early years of the VFL/AFL, the club that finished on top at the end of the season won the premiership. It is all over already, no need to drag the season out any further and shorten player's careers. Fremantle "Inverse Media Exposure" rationale. There must be a contrary view to all rationales. This Club will argue that lack of media exposure actually puts increases the pressure applied to the Club, therefore special compensation must be given to the least exposed Club. Geelong "Rural Recompense" Having felt politically abandoned and suffering the high costs of living associated with living in the country. Country based teams should receive special dispensation to the finals. Hawthorn "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder" Even though the proposed merge with Melbourne occurred some years ago the mental anguish can last for years to come. Compensation in the form of a finals position should help to alleviate the crippling effects of this perpetual handicap. Melbourne "Because Daddy didn't buy me a Beema" philosophy. If a young fan can't get a "Beema" they surely must be given adequate compensation, ie a finals berth or even the flag. Port Adelaide The "But" dynamic. But, we always won the flag. But, all of Adelaide use to love us. But, the AFL said we would succeed. But, we do have support in other states Richmond "Indigenous Australian Reconciliation" policy. As the team does not include any indigenous Australian, this Club has been disadvantaged. In following with reconciliation, equity must be given to any other team that has indigenous representation. St Kilda The "Rule of 1944" when even the bottom placed side competed in the finals and won the flag. Sydney The "Olympic Factor". Sydney is the focus of all things sporting therefore they should be "given" the premiership. Sophie Gosper to present the flag. West Coast The "Averaging" concept. Year by year performance should count, the long term average over the past 10 years should dictate positions on the ladder Western Bulldogs "Economic Rationalisation". The monetary effect on the most socially dependant fans requires special dispensation. The economic strains placed on the average supporter means that grass root supporters cannot attend matches to support their team, especially at high cost venues. This produces a lower crowd motivation effect therefore limiting the teams ability to succeed. Peter "Trash" Treseder As a Richmond supporter our wild card this year will be used in the final round (v. Carlton). At 2:00pm on matchday Spud will notify Jacko that we'll use our wild card. The wild card is that Kouta will play for us that day. Hey Daffy Kick it to Koutafides Hey Campbell Kick it to Koutafides Hey Bowden Kick it to Koutafides We want to see you keen as mustard, better win you Carlton bastard cheers Mike Honeychurch Dear Coodabeens, For your Competition - Rodney Eade uses his Wild Card - Captain Kelly back in charge With cunning retrospectivity, under the new, radical, refreshing 'Wild Card' innovation, Swans coach Eade has chosen to change the result of Paul Kelly's medical test on his knee earlier in the year. With an amended result - ALL CLEAR - Kelly was able to play on. And, fully-fit, as he is conservatively worth 3 goals each game on the basis of courage, skill and influence, it will be a Win-Win-Win-Win outcome: Win for the Swans - six more victories and sitting comfortably in third place. Win for Essendon - loss suffered in round 14 - the loss they 'had to have' in preparation for the finals Win for non-Essendon supporters - not having to witness the relentless arrogance of supporters, and constant search by TV commentators for obscure records broken by the winning streak. Win for football - self-explanatory. Good news all round I'd say. Regards, Peter Beilby Dear Simon, Given the mighty Dons' supremacy this season, the powers that be (and T.K.W.T.A) have decided to give their opponents a wildcard. As such, the team that plays Essendon may play the "We don't want him there" card -effectively barring James Hird from their chosen section of the ground. It is envisaged that this will even up the competition and restrict Essendon's average winning margin to less than 30 points. It's got to be GFF. Leanne Collingwood could have used their wildcards in their rounds 6&7 against the AAA'S and Essendon. Having one of the emergencies run onto the ground in the opposing jumpers at the 3/4 time huddle with the current opposing bench players.Have them then sit in a pocket as a "loose man" then have a count instigated which relieves the"scoreboard pressure" In turn Collingwood go onto 7 wins in a row, beat Freo the following week due to the exuding confidence, sneak into the eight, get beaten in a preliminary final and are third favorite to win the flag next year due to the rebuilding coming to fruition.Bring on the wildcards!! Sean Marshall Adelaide v Essendon If only Michael Long had got the yips Brisbane v whoever they play every second week If only we could win 2 in a row Collingwood v Hawthorn v Adelaide v Carlton v Sydney v Bulldogs If only we hadn't won the first 5 losing the next 9 wouldn't have looked so bad. Essendon N/A Fremantle v Geelong If only that white maggot new the rule book Geelong v St Kilda If only we hadn't been so SOFT Hawthorn v Carlton If only more than Kouta had had a day off Kangaroos v Port Adelaide If only we hadn't won maybe some one would have been interested. (RIP Sydney experiment) Melbourne v Kangaroos If only the carpark at Colonial was above ground we could have intimidated the Roos with our Award winning cars and got the Dees home. Port Adelaide v Fremantle If only we'd won we would have retained the Blue Singlet Richmond v Fremantle If only Daffy hadn't been on the turps Sydney v opposition Rd 4 to 7 If only we hadn't lost each time by under 10 points St. Kilda v Sydney Rd 1 A win in the first game might have set a trend.... Western Bulldogs v Collingwood If only we could have made it 10 in a row! OR v Carlton It would have been tragic if we'd lost West Coast v Essendon If only we'd heard Kevs message. Good work boys, Ross Slater Every teams "if-only" ADELAIDE v Essendon Rd 10 How did they blow that lead BRISBANE v Essendon Rd 8 If only it hadn't rained CARLTON v Essendon Rd 5 If only the Bombers had faded more in the second half COLLINGWOOD v Essendon Rd 7 If only lack of class meant nothing FREMANTLE v Essendon Rd 4 It was in Perth GEELONG v Essendon Rd 11 Lead at half time HAWTHORN v Essendon Rd 19 If only we still had that team from the mid 80's KANGAROOS v Essendon Rd 13 If only the Roos had kicked a gaol in the first quarter MELBOURNE v Essendon Rd 9 They got close PORT ADELAIDE v Essendon Rd 1 If only it hadn't been played at Colonial RICHMOND v Essendon Rd 17 If only we'd stopped Allessio, Hird, Lloyd, Long, Mercuri, Lucas, Moorcroft, Bewick.... they would have had no one to kick to. SYDNEY v Essendon Rd 14 They got close St KILDA v Essendon Rd 12 How did this one get in here? WESTERN BULLDOGS v Essendon Rd 6 Umm WEST COAST v Essendon Rd 15 If only we hadn't been out sign languaged by Kev at half time Slater Family Collingwood - 1966 Grand Final If only Collingwood had won the 1966 Grand Final The "Collywobbles" would be a skivvy wearing children's band and life as we know it would be totally different. - Barry Breen retired from VFL football at age 28 and gone on to become the king of Lifestyle Television with his perennial ratings winning programme Breen's Backyard - Ted Hopkins, after suffering a long term bout of depression would have realised fame and fortune as the producer / manager of Kylie Minogue. - Kerry Good would own a chain of Pizza Haven franchises. - Twiggy Dunne, having sealed a 47 point victory in the 1977 Grand Final with a raking torpedo punt would have been appointed chairman of the board of WESTPAC in 1988. - Wayne Harmes would be just another fat bloke with short arms from Oak Park. - Kevin Bartlett would have retired after 362 games and gone on to coach Richmond for 16 seasons. Fitzroy and South Melbourne would have merged in 1980 to become the first interstate team (the Harbour City Harlequins) currently in 6th position - just outside the final 5 on percentage Footscray would have moved to Perth in 1984 to become the Western Bulldogs - the first interstate team to win a Grand Final in 1986 Essendon would have moved to Queensland in 1986 to become the Brisbane Bombers currently sitting in 8th position on the ladder. Melbourne and Hawthorn would have merged in 1993 on the proviso that the new team (the Melbourne Chosen Ones) never be required to play games on a Saturday Victoria Park - now Jock McHale Stadium would have been transformed into the first indoor AFL stadium / multi purpose venue in 1996. In 1999 Nathan Buckley would have become the first player to win four Brownlow medals. Peter O'Sullivan

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