The Coodabeen Champions Competition
Round Nine:
Something to Play for
The Inaugural game at Homebush is being played for The MarnGrook Trophy
Lots of other games are now honoured by especially named Cups and Trophies.
But there's not enough.
Date: Sat, 25 May 2002 13:36:01 +1000
Essendon v Carlton The Grumpy Old Men Cup
James Crawford
Date: Sat, 25 May 2002 14:18:58 +1000
The Sasquatch/Yowie Trophy: Sturt v Port Adelaide Magpies To honour two
legendary sides which no one really cares if they exist or not.
The John Farnham Trophy: Essendon v Carlton Brought about to honour the
presidents of these two great clubs. Both of whom think they are "The Voice" of
the competetion.
The Methuselah Trophy: Geelong v Melbourne To honour Australia's two oldest
clubs.
The Kit Kat Trophy: Collingwood v Sydney A beautiful trophy in the shape of a
"Big Finger".
The Cold Chisel Memorial Trophy: Sydney v Richmond @ Stadium Australia Round 22
2002 is the Inaugural Cold Chisel Memorial Trophy match which represents Rodney
Eade's imminent departure. This trophy was brought about to remind Rocket that
the last train out of Sydney is almost gone.
Aaron Russell
Date: Sat, 25 May 2002 18:07:42 +1000
Coodabeens
The newest (and I predict, hardest fought for) cup for the AFL season will be
...
The "Carey Cup". Lest you think that this is some sort of crass reward for
wife stealing, it goes as follows.
The cup will be presented at each Saints/Freo match during the year and will be
awarded to the umpire who takes the most marks in the match. Unlike last year,
when the marking was limited to Field umpires, goalies and boundary umpires
will be eligible to race onto the field and take screamers at any stage of the
game. Players who attempt to make contact with any umpire taking a mark will,
of course, face the Tribunal.
Jill Brewer
Date: Sat, 25 May 2002 20:51:22 +1000
This will be given whenever Essendon and Hawthorn clash.
The LOSING Team has to play Paul Salmon in their side the following year.
Date: Sun, 26 May 2002 16:21:21 +1000
Dear Simon,
I will be sure not to spend 3 hours on this entry for fear of not
getting a mention again.
Carlton V Collingwood - play for "A Drink Card" - for blokes who will
end up locked up for the night in the slammer after a night on the sauce
Matty Lappin/Trent Hotten-style.
Adelaide V Port Adelaide - play for the "IBF Junior Welterweight Oceania
Title"
Port Adelaide V Collingwood - in future encounters should play for the
"Lock them in the stadium and throw away the key Cup" - for obvious
reasons.
Brisbane V Hawthorn - will this year battle it out for the "Mediocre
Shield" named after the mediocre John McCarthy who represented both
clubs
Brisbane V Melbourne - play for the "Karoake Cup" in memory of the great
vocal performances of Mark Jackson & Richard Champion
Collingwood V Western Bulldogs - will now play for "A Set of Dentures"
awarded to each team's supporters upon entry to the stadium
Carlton V Melbourne - will play for the "Jenny Craig Cook Book" in
memory of great weight loss stories of Dipper & Jacko. The best on
ground will receive the chance to join Jenny Craig and lose 6 kilos in 6
weeks - this prize will be perpetually awarded to Lance Whittnall &
David Schwartz in subsequent years even if they fail to gain a
possession
Cheers
"The Man in White" - Anthony F Edmonds
Date: Sun, 26 May 2002 19:43:47 +1000
Face it Simon,
Stuart McArthur versus Doug Long for the "NAKED, COVERED IN NUGGET AND
HANDCUFFED TO A LAMP POST" trophy. (The winner will be the one with the
less effective entry that you choose to read out anyway. Then we'll
finally settle the question of who was best man at your wedding.)
Cheryl Critchley versus Cheryl Harvey for the "NEARLY THE NEXT JO
BAILEY" trophy. (Although CC seems to already have a foot in the door of
the media career.)
Oliver Kysela versus the 3366 faction for the "PAUL SALMON"trophy.
(Veterans making a comeback.)
The Bush Battler versus the Hoysteds for the "COMMUNITY CREDIT UNION"
trophy (because we're both from the country and we know that you don't
listen to us at B**K street.)
Incidentally, The Hoysteds already have an internal trophy which we
compete for on a regular basis. It's common to many other couples and is
called THE REMOTE CONTROL.
Greg and (the one with the remote) Sue Hoysted
Date: Sun, 26 May 2002 07:48:20 -0400 (EDT)
Dear Simon,
Thanks for your encouragement about last weeks entry. I am so thrilled to
almost have won (I am only saying that because the children are listening),
that I have added the competition address to my "Address Book".
I thought at first that the following would sound good:
Brisbane V Sydney The Whyte/ Capper Cup
but that would forever unnecessarily demean the lesser mortal of the trade
swap, who, trhough no fault of his own, was unable to reach the heights of
his trade opposite number.Not to mention of course, that it would forever put
hard working and vigilant recruiting offficers in the spotlight.
Instead , the following are a few examples of trophy names that could live
forever:
St Kilda V Essendon The Dale Kickett Cup
These names will thus forever glorify the Fitzroy Football Club, in naming
these contests after Fitzroy draft picks that later went on to great glory
with both clubs.
v
Regards
Pat Lockie
Date: Mon, 27 May 2002 08:16:38 +1000
Game In Honour of.... Title. l.com>
You think I don't research, Simon (and Tony)?
You think I go "Inner Gadda da Vida honey" – near enough - that'll do?
You think I don't make my staff check every detail of my entries with a fine
TOOTHCOMB before I hit send?
Well I do Simon, because I'm proud and because I'm Australian. You think
after Juan Antonio said ours was the best games ever, that I'm gonna drop
the ball and let my country down with a lacklustre Iron Butterfly rewrite?
Because can I just say, Tony, fair dinkum, ya can have your mighta been
this, and ya can have your mighta been that, but just wander down to
www.geocities.lyrics.com and you'll see, and I quote..
Inner gadda da Vida HONEY, don't you know that I love you - Inner gadda da
vida, BABY, don't you know that I'll always be true....repeat, various
solos, repeat...words and music - Doug Ingle (clearly a genius)
And yes I could've worked the easier "inner gadda da vida - baby" line,
using the "9-month pregnant woman drawing attention to her sudden crisis"
device, but audience-testing of the honey-challenged Chinese takeaway store
proved IT to be the funnier option.
And IF you start sending signals that easy gags are okay by you Simon,
you'll soon start getting "Stephen King played a shocker" type entries each
week - and nobody wants that, DO THEY?
So Tony, can I just say, insofar as criticism is concerned, it's a bit like
Malcolm Johnston on Kingston Town in the '82 Cup – you went too early.
Comp entry:
Richmond / Bulldogs: The Paul Hudson Cup
and to mark the match that's avoided by sartorially savvy fans, ie. Hawthorn
vs Fremantle (a nausea-inducing flurry of brown, gold, red, green, white,
and purple):
Cheers Simon (and Tony)
Stuart McArthur
Date: Tue, 28 May 2002 05:49:16 +0000
Dear Simon, And you Australians you have to have a trophy or cup for everything, I mean you've got the Beaumaris Under 10 Blue Tounges playing the Highett Horned Toads for the Ronald Frump Trophy who was someone's Form 5 teacher in 1957, and that's in a pre-season practice match. My 8 year old daughter is playing for the Bob the Builder Cup in the school badmition competion. What is with you Australians? I can see it now any combination of Richmond, St Kilda, Geelong or Sandringham playing each other will be for the Rex Hunt Cuppa, any South Australian team playing Carlton will be for the Kernahan/Bradley Trophy, games between Hawthorn and Brisbane will be played for the Find Me Some Shade Sash, games between the Western Bulldogs and Essendon will now be played for the Eyewash Cup and games between the AAA Kangaroos and Geelong will be fought for the Puckapunyal Memorial Shootout Cup. Come on Australia keep it simple in America we have 4 WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS and only 2 of them have named cups The Vince Lombardi Trophy and the Stanley Cup. I hope that bloke out in the Eastern Suburbs doesn't blame this peculiar Australian fetish on the Yanks too!!! Bob the Yank
Date: Tue, 28 May 2002 17:00:36 +1000
G'day Coodabeans,
It all begins at Rd 21, close to finals when say Collingwood is sitting pretty in First position after numerous 1 to 6 point victories. They win the clash against Carlton, a traditional rival by yet again 1 to 6 points thus creating absolute hysteria in AFL finals ticket sales the likes of which have never been seen before.
Rd 22 match v Essendon , another traditional rival, Collingwood win , yet again by 1 to 6 points! All Collingwood finals matches are now sold out and even bias football commentators/Presidents seen purchasing tickets through scalpers!
Ist Final Collingwood lose!
Name of Series: The Collywobble Cup.
Peter Begley
Date: Tue, 28 May 2002 18:50:30 +1000
I know the Ramsgate Hotel has been overdone the past couple week.....
But when Adelaide play Port Adelaide.....win, lose or draw....give all
participants complimentary drink cards for the Ramsgate Hotel
Kind regards
Mark Robson
Date: Tue, 28 May 2002 20:08:54 +1000
Dear Simon,
I have had to do as the AFL does and rig the drawer to come up with my trophies
based on Round 9.
As a result I have the following
Michele Blight
Date: Wed, 29 May 2002 11:33:09 +1000
Dear Simon and The Bank Street Eight
Well want a big week it's been in the competition with threats of legal action
from Simon's Bank Street
Eight unless I apologise for accusing him of bias and favouritism. Don't you
guys have anything better
to talk about at your weekly soiree's at Sweethearts Cafe as you dip your
Yo-Yo's into your Double
Decaffe Latte's. Well sue away if you must. However my job as a sorter at the
Dead Letter Office whilst
interesting, doesn't pay much
To this weeks competition. I propose that we have a new award called
"The Phil Carmen and Umpire Graeme Carbrey Memorial Medal"
This will be given to any player reported for bumping into or touching an
umpire during the course
of a game. The umpire who is interfered with will also receive the medal. I
suggest that the medal be
presented immediately after the tribunal has announced the penalty for the
player involved. I can see
the ceremony going something like this.
(Bondy reporting from the tribunal)
"And its bad news for Carlton as Greg Williams has been given nine weeks for
pushing umpire
Andrew Coates. However both Greg and Andrew are all smiles now Brian Collis QC
comes forward
and presents them both with their Phil Carmen and Graeme Carbrey medals. I'm
sure Diesel will place
his medal in the cabinet right next to his Brownlows. "
If a player is found Not Guilty , no award is given.
Have a happy week all and whistle for your apology
< , I got mine this one not to be missed".
Hey, steel cage around Football Park, that actually sounds quite logical big
crowd, and that annoucer who introduses the fights you know "Ladies and
Gentleman boys and girls, LETS GET READY TO
RRRRRRUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMBBBBBLLLLLEEEEE!!!!"
Where's Wayne Jackson, where's Eddie, where's Kerry Packer, what television!
Thats all.
Bruce McAbee
Date: Wed, 29 May 2002 09:07:16 +1000
Kangaroos -v- Essendon could play for the 'Marshmallow Cup', this would be
represented by a large hot chocolate with marshmallows around the outside
of the cup with the winners names on them.
Geelong -v- Melbourne could play for the 'Barwon-Yarra Regatta'
trophy. The trophy would be a tailgate of a Range Rover with a picnic
basket and obligatory travel rug.
Western Bulldogs -v- Port Adelaide (or Collingwood) could play for the
"Moccassin' , the trophy being a large moccasin with the winners name
written on it in texta.
Brisbane -v- ? (2002) , the 'Premiership Cup' because it seems inevitable!
Nic Valpied
Date: Wed, 29 May 2002 21:37:44 -0500
You shouldn't make fun of all these new cups. For the supporters of
some clubs, and you're one of them Simon (so am I), it's their only
chance of winning something in the next millenium!!!!!
Anyway, here's some newies to ponder:
THE ELVIS PRESLEY CIRCA 1977 CUP: Carlton V Richmond. Two clubs
teetering on the edge of oblivion - not a pretty sight.
THE MAXWELL SMART "MISSED BY THAT MUCH" CUP: Sydney V Collingwood
Guaranteed close finish.
THE GEORGE W. BUSH CUP: Essendon V Brisbane. Powerful but everyone else
thinks you're boring and full of crap.
THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST CUP: St Kilda V Fremantle. For the young up
and comers.
THE I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER CUP: Melbourne V Geelong. The battle
of the pretenders who think they're something they're not.
THE HOME BRAND PAPER CUP: Kangaroos V Western Bulldogs. Because they
can't afford to have a real one made.
THE EDWARD BEALE CUP: Hawthorn V West Coast. For services to
hairdressing.
THE MICHELLE AND FERRETT CUP: Adelaide V Port Adelaide. Named in honor
of our favorite bogans from Fast Forward - something for Crows and Power
fans to aspire to.
Go (It Can't Get Much Worse) Tigers,
Date: Thu, 30 May 2002 12:16:35 +1000
Dear Simon,
1. Fremantle and St Kilda will henceforth battle it out for the " Rachel
Hunter Pantene Platter".
This trophy is the trophy of encouragement , the trophy of promise for
the future.The victor will take home a lovely
silver platter inscribed with those now famous words of hope and
inspiration :
2. Sydney and the Western Bulldogs will play for the " Noah's Ark Cup "
Struck in recognition of the outstanding contribution made by these 2
teams to the most influential football stategy
of the new millenium, the winners will take with them the Cup and the
confidence of having 'survived the flood'.
3. The third trophy has been specially struck for Carlton / Sydney clashes.
A trophy with a difference. A unique 'reverse'
trophy that is sure to be a crowd pleaser and one that will generate
marvellous publicity and marketing opportunities
in the lead up to the game. A trophy that will offer particular appeal
to Sydneysiders ( and let's face it, we all know
that the game will not be truly national until it is embraced by the
people of Sydney ).
At the end of the match both coaches will be invited onto the arena
where the winning coach will present to the
losing coach the " RHEEM CUP" - a ceremonious handing of the baton to
the coach who is now without doubt
the coach in " the hottest of hot, hot water you've ever seen "
Cheers !
Mark Farrelly
Date: Thu, 30 May 2002 13:05:05 +1000
Dear Coodabeens
My suggestions for the current round are as follows:-
1) Kangaroos v Essendon The Pink Marshmallow Award
2) Geelong v Melbourne The Whiskas Bowl
3) Richmond v Western Bulldogs The Crouching Tiger/Barking Bulldog
Trophy
We might have to wait until Round 19 for the most prestigious award of all:-
v
The inaugural M & M Cup - between, of course, Carlton and Port Adelaide.
v
Colleen West
Date: Thu, 30 May 2002 14:25:18 +1000
1. The game that reminds us of the true status of the Collingwood F.C. in
the lives of us all. Played annually as the last pre-season practice match.
Collingwood Probables v Collingwood Possibles
2. Geelong v Western Bulldogs for The WERRIBEE THRONE.
3. Essendon v Manchester United for The Dow Jones Index Trophy.
Cheers
Graeme Mills
Date: Thu, 30 May 2002 14:19:56 +1000
Simon, I have only two trophies for the Comp.
As a Bulldog supporter I know that the Bulldogs play for a number of cups or
trophies. But there is one trophy I would like to see the Bulldogs play for:
The MORAL Premiership Cup.
One other trophy to be played off for would be the JUSTICE Cup.
In round 22 every Richmond and Collingwood play for 8th and 9th position on
the ladder. It doesn't matter where on the ladder they were in Round 21, the
ladder is changed accordingly to ensure that the winner will make 8th spot
by percentage only. Two cups are presented, one to each club. It is JUSTICE
for the team who makes the eight, and it is JUSTICE SERVED (as seen by the
rest of the AFL team's supporters) for the team which came 9th and missed
out.
Kevin
Date: Thu, 30 May 2002 16:02:39 +1000
When St Kilda play the Swans they can play for a trophy called the "AFL
PREMIERSHIP CUP". This way after about 5 or 6 years, the Saints may be
equal with Essendon/Carlton with 15 premierships.
When Carlton plays Collingwood they can play for "THE WOODEN SPOON". Soon
the Blues will have 27 spoons and bypass the saints.
When St Kilda plays Geelong they can play for the "Teal Cup" as their teams
are full of kids.
>From Faction 3366 (Paul Russo/John Clements)
Date: Thu, 30 May 2002 19:38:12 +1000
DEAR SIMON,
Doug Long
Date: Thu, 30 May 2002 20:09:54 +1000
Dear Mr Whelan,
I understand that it's Maree from Brunswick's turn to win this week, but I'm
hoping that my entry will be considered worthy enough to be afforded that
highest of honours: "it should have been the winner" and I am therefore
considered (although with a less worthy entry) for a victory later this year.
You may assume that I am a first time entry, and you can't have two of those
winners in a row, but let me allay your fears - I have entered (without
victory, but with a mention) in season's past!
In future, Carlton and St Kilda will play for the
Jesaulenko/McConville/Marcou/Perovic/Glascott (he assistant coached
there)/Rice/Lappin/Devonport/Anstey/Hamill/Cranage Cup.
from a bitter & twisted Carlton supporter
Date: Fri, 31 May 2002 08:49:17 +1000
Simon,
Apparently the quality of the entry now has some bearing on who
wins, so rather than mentioning Matty Lappin or the teachers pets let us go for
quality.
The following trophies should be played for ;
Collingwood v Kangaroos to play for " the ASHES" - an urn full of the burnt
remains of the Arden St and Victoria Park grandstands (since they are no longer
good for anything)
Essendon v West Coast to play for the "GOLD JACKET" - the players from the
winning team to each receive a gold jacket , and run a lap of honour waving
them around their heads
StKilda v Bulldogs (close to your hearts Simon and Tony) to play for the "JOHN
ELLIOT TROPHY" All matches between the 2 clubs to be played at Optus Oval, the
LOSER of the game to be presented with a 15 minute public critique of their
players and administration by Mr Elliott himself, after which he will present
the trophy - a bronzed mounted cigar with the words "PIGSEAR" (or similar)
engraved on the side.
Hoping this hilarity is moving us ever closer to the holy graille (which
incidentally could be the trophy played for by the Saints & Demons).
Jac & Pete Kilgour
Date: Thu, 30 May 2002 21:52:49 +1000
* Adelaide v Brisbane; The triple c Cup. C.C.C. Translated as the
Cobb and Co. Cup. Traveling has got to get better for all concerned.
Chris Thompson, Aspendale.
Date: Thu, 30 May 2002 08:34:17 -0400 (EDT)
Hi Simon,
This week we see Fremantly battling Carlton for the Stephen O'Reilly
Silverware - to be retained by the Loser.
Richmond take on the Bulldogs over 4 x 20 minute rounds (plus time on) for
the AFL Middleweight Title Belt.
Cheers,
Nathan Sims.
Date: Thu, 30 May 2002 23:32:21 +1000
Geelong V Melbourne
Footy's "oldest" two clubs, born from cricketers keeping fit in the off season.
Past form?
Current form?
So today, what are they playing for?............. The Fleming Miller cup.
Let the winner take the spoils this afternoon, then delist them both.
Regards,
Paul Martin.
Date: Thu, 30 May 2002 17:30:52 +1000
COLLINGWOOD v PORT ADELAIDE - THE FOUR 'N' TWENTY CUP
WESTERN BULLDOGS v GEELONG - THE HUGH WORTH TROPHY
RICHMOND v BRISBANE - THE MOWGLI MUG
There should be a trophy for whichever team of the following finishes highest:
SYDNEY, WEST COAST, HAWTHORN, ADELAIDE - THE GOULD CUP
Hugh Saunders
Date: Fri, 31 May 2002 09:00:16 +1000
G'day Simon and Crew,
One cup that has been played for for many years now but receives no recognition
is the 'Timmy Trophy'. The 'Timmy' or the 'Timster' as it is affectionately
known, is played pre season in a Collingwood Intra Club Practice match. Two
Teams are picked from all Collingwood players and coached by Collingwood
Coaches and Assistant Coaches. Only Collingwood supporters are allowed into
Jock McHale Stadium (People parking in near by areas are warned not to leave
valuables in their cars!) and the all proceeds from gate takings, refreshments
and merchandise are donated to a fund to find out what debilitating growth
disease 'Timmy' has. I have been listening to this program since I was 17 or
18 years old and will be 35 tomorrow (Sunday) and in that time the young lad
'Timmy' that's rings Tony's talkback has yet to pass 6 and get to 7 years of
age. The money raised from this match will go into research to not only find
out what is keeping this boy, who should be at least 23 years old, in primary
school. Some think it's the psychological damage caused by the long absences
his Dad and Uncle Jack spend with the Queen (At her Majesty's Leisure), others
feel he has the will to live long enough to ensure 1990 wasn't a fluke. The
good news for young Timmy is that as it's an intra club match, the Timmy Trophy
always ends up at Collingwood, best on ground, which is invariably Nathan
Buckley, now that Craig Starchovich has retired, receives a Silver Cutlery set or a TV and Video or a Microwave or a
second hand car or what ever Uncle Jack and Timmys Dad turn up with. Most
B.O.G prizes are 2nd hand. The game is umpired by the great, great, great,
great Grandson of an old Collingwood stalwart named
Digger (Who incidentally has been following the Pies for 156 years!) and the
Umpires NEVER crucify them!
Kevin Nolan (Formally Bump Terry Daniher up from King to God Squad)
Date: Fri, 31 May 2002 10:09:17 +1000
Simon,
You always ask for brief entries, well here it is nice and brief.
Any team Geelong plays against they could award a best a field award called
the Geelong Falcons Award. Of course the award would go to the best
performed ex-geelong falcons player. Which no doubt will nearly always end
up going to their opponents.
Paul
Date: Fri, 31 May 2002 10:42:59 +1000
Simon,
In the interests of brief is better, I haven't made suggestions for all
games this week, but inspiration did hit me for a game last week. Don't be
bitter and twisted should my mentioning of the Sainters cause you pain.
Essendon V Kangaroos - Two possibilities depending upon your feelings about
past encounters
"Lazarus Cup" - Honouring the greatest comeback
"Bridge Trophy" - Yeah, the game last year was good, maybe the best ever
maybe not, whatever, get over it!!
Geelong V Melbourne
"Grass Roots Shield" - The two oldest AFL/VFL teams you can't be more grass
roots than that
"Goldrush Trophy" - In the goldrush days, there was great competition
between Melbourne and Geelong wanting to be the main city in Victoria, to
the extent that maps were drawn showing that Ballarat was closer to
Melbourne than it was to Geelong.
Richmond V Bulldogs
"Stromin Norman Schwartzkoff Shield" - Named in honour of all that is
inspirational, each team can look at past games and inspiration will just
flow.
"Mel Gibson Cup" - Payback
Adelaide V Brisbane
"Who Cares Cup" - Two manufactured interstate teams, no tradition, no
history, no interest
St Kilda V Richmond
"Graeme Wood Cup" - In honour of indecision and the classic Graeme Wood call
of "yes, no, wait, sorry". This trophy is most fitting to the two clubs
that have made indecision an artform.
Peter Treseder
Date: Fri, 31 May 2002 13:07:07 +1000
Si
A few years back, I was watching a Round 3 clash involving Collingwood as an
impartial observer, hoping that football would be the winner at the end of
the game. As I watched the ball sail into the forward line, who should be
on the end of the pass, but one Shannon Gibson.
WHAT IS HE DOING THERE??? WHEN DID WE GET RID OF HIM???
As a learned observer of the game, I was mildly disappointed that a trade
had passed me by, and had embarrassingly exposed me as being someone who
didn't quite know as much about the game than what I had led (and continue
to lead) others to believe.
Immediately, I reached for the corresponding Hawthorn senior list in a bid
to reconcile back to a new Collingwood recruit and hence flush out the trade
that threatened my credibility as a student of the game.
WHAT IS PAUL SHARKEY DOING THERE???
And with that, my Collingwood mates and I award the Gibson-Sharkey trophy
each year to the most inconspicuous pre-season trade that escapes even the
most learned of supporters, and fails to make it off the edit room floor of
the major newspapers.
Oliver Kysela
Date: Fri, 31 May 2002 13:33:02 +1000
Hi guys, this is what I've come up with.
Carlton and Collingwood can play a best of five matches for a
trophy called the "Ashes". This trophy will consist of the
accumulated contents of John Elliots matchday ashtray from all
five rounds.
Wcoast and Brisbane can play for the "Bells" award. The winning
captain gets to hold the BELL up above his head and on the count
of three 'ring' it.
P.S. the umpires can also have an award between themselves.
It's called the "Booker Prize". no need to explain.
Regards Gary Clark.
Date: Fri, 31 May 2002 11:54:40 +1000
After their recent successful years of sharing the wooden spoon the STKILDA
football club and the FREEMANTLE football club have got together and burnt all
the spoons to make their own ASHES.
Brett Turner
Date: Fri, 31 May 2002 14:05:00 +1000
Simon,
1 Kangaroos v Essendon - THE MONARO SHIELD
2 Geelong v Melbourne - THE HEAD OF THE RIVER / RANGE ROVER PLATE
3 Richmond v Bulldogs - THE NOODLE BOWL
4 Collingwood v Sydney - THE AGE / SYDNEY MORNING HERALD TROPHY
5 Adelaide v Brisbane - THE MARK MICKAN MEDAL
6 Hawthorn v Port Adelaide - THE CHRISTIAN DIOR RIBBON
7 Fremantle v Carlton - THE BLUE COLLAR / WHITE COLLAR CHALLENGE
8 St Kilda v West Coast - AFL RISING STAR CUP
regards, Lance from Spotswood
Lance Jamieson
Date: Fri, 31 May 2002 14:13:08 +1000
well there have been so many trophies we have forgotten trophies for the
numerous interclub matches that have been so successful.
Richmond- each tiger team vies for the Pretender's cup- unfortunately
the material it is manufactured from renders it useless by the end of
the season
St K- the peroxide cup- all blonds & wanna bee blonds play the non
blonds for the trophy donated by one of the many nightclubs frequented
by players prior to visiting Spud Frawley's house
Magpies- the Eddie- until the 2004 AFL premiership is re-named the
Eddie Mc Trophy
Melb- the silver spoon
Carlton- The wooden spoon
Sydney- the AFL assistance cup
Terry Sheehan
Date: Fri, 31 May 2002 16:30:57 +1000
Adelaide v. Port Adelaide : The Ramsgate Hotel Trophy (a fist with "ROO"
tattooed across the knuckles)
Essendon v. North Melbourne : The Pascall's Trophy (a marshmallow)
St Kilda v. Sydney : The Skinny Dog Trophy (a greyhound with Plugger's face)
Essendon v. Hawthorn : The John West Trophy (a big fish with Paul Salmon's
face)..."the ruckman Essendon rejected"
Individual awards
Andrew Walby
Date: Fri, 31 May 2002 16:45:08 +1000
G'day Simon,
The Melbourne footy club, not content with the 'Nugget' Darling trophy
(awarded to clubs who score the most points from the types of the cars they
own in the carpark at home games, ie: Bentleigh 50 points, Range Rover 20
points, BMW 7 series 10 points, horse float 50 points, HR Holden minus 10
points) the club has come up with another trophy to be awarded every week to
teams playing against Melbourne, not specific to any one opponent.
This silverware is to be called the HERITAGE Trophy and will be awarded to
the team whose players' parents live in a suburb with the highest digit
postcode, ie: Armadale 3143 (11 pts) as opposed to Werribee 3030 (6pts).
Get the picture?
Obviously a team whose mothers and fathers travel from Portsea (20),
Brighton (18pts), Glen Iris (14), Sandringham (14) and the Healesville
Country Club (24) just to watch their sons and heirs play will always beat a
team whose parents travel from Sunshine (5), Footscray (6), Coode Island
(5), Seddon (5), Glengala (5) and St Albans (6).
Naturally, all WA, Qld, and SA teams are excluded, although there is
provision to 'play' against the Swans.
Jeff (from Kilsyth) Salton
Date: Sat, 01 Jun 2002 00:46:50 +1000 (EST)
ESS V WC Play for the Wing Nut Cup
in honour of: James Hird, Danny Jacobs
Brett Heady
GEEL V CARL Play for the Red Nut Cup
in honour of: Tim Mcgrath, Cameron Ling
Adrian Hickmont, Jim Plunkett
ROO'S V SYD Play for the Rough Nut Cup
in honour of: Mick Martyn, Byron Pickett
Tony Lockett, Barry Hall
ADEL V CARL Play for the Nude Nut Cup
in honour of:Nigel Smart,Andrew Jarman
Mill Hanna, Andrew Mckay
Date: Fri, 31 May 2002 17:19:22 +1000
Simon,
With the ever-changing terminology being used, sometimes commentary sounds
like double-dutch. So I thought some anagrams might suit for this week's
comp.
Using this week's Round of matches :-
Roos v Dons.
The "DR NO SO SO" Cup. Sheedy always has been inscrutable!
Cats v Demons.
The "MASCOT ENDS" Trophy. The end of that pesky Half-cat??
vTiges v Bullies.
The "LISTS BEGUILE" Perpetual Award. For perennial teaser teams par
extraordinaire!
Pies v Swans.
The "PASS WINES" Bowl... of course, really only appropriate in Sydney!
Crows v Lions.
The "IRON SCOWLS" memorial. For two of the hard teams.
Hawks v Power.
The "WE WASH PORK" Cup. Simon... I have no idea why, and will leave a reason
for this pathetic attempt to your ever-humorous self!!
Saints v Eagles.
The "EASE AT SLINGS" Cup. With the Eagles injury troubles last year, and the
Saints' this year, never were truer words spoken.
Freo v Blues.
The "BEERS FOUL" Tankard. No comment.
Mark C. Trescowthick
Date: Fri, 31 May 2002 17:45:29 +1000
Dear Simon,
When the season reaches Round 17 and a finals berth is still
mathematically possible - even for those dwelling at the bottom of the
ladder - the only award any team really cares about earning is those all
important 4 premiership points.
So what better time of the year to introduce the GENERIC GONGS !
These no frills awards won't distract the spectator from the main prize,
but would still provide outstanding value - with every winning team
collecting a bonus set of steak knives.
So when Essendon meets Richmond at the G on Friday night - they'd be
playing for the Savings Cup.
On Saturday at the G - the Hawks and the Lions would battle it out for
the Home Brand Laurel.
Over at Subiaco, the Plain Label Rosebowl would be decided when the
Eagles and the Magpies meet.
Saturday evening would see a double-header. Sydney and Carlton would
struggle for the No-name Plate at Stadium Australia. Meanwhile, Port
Adelaide and the Demons would exchange tax returns at Footy Park to
settle the winner of the Economy Line Cross.
Sunday at Skilled, the Cats and the Crows would spill their guts in the
grab for the Black and Gold Trophy.
Over at Optus, the Saints and Freo would thrash it out to determine
whose name gets added to the Buyer's Choice Shield.
v
And finally, the glory of the Cheap as Chips Medallion would fall to the
winner of the Western Bulldogs and the AAA Kangaroos when they meet at
Collo.
Wishing you a happy no-frills Round 17.
v
GO SAINTERS !
Jenny of Brunswick.
Date: Fri, 31 May 2002 18:23:59 +1000
Dear Simon,
It seems every time I submit an entry, this automatically guarantees that my
Internet link to 3AW on Saturday will not be working. Therefore, I never
know if my entry has been read out. On the other hand, pronunciation of my
surname by brave individuals may better not be heard.
In this day of political correctness, my awards are actually presented to
the LOSING team.
Awards for this weekends round are:
Sydney v. Collingwood who will play for THE FINGER TROPHY. The Four
Corners of the football world was searched before Richard Colless personally
provided the mould from which this trophy was forged. Awarded to the losing
President for contribution to inter-club mateship.
Kangaroos v. Essendon - will play for THE POTTY TROPHY. Based on an
Essendon President family heirloom, this Trophy will be passed around the
crowd during the game to collect donations. Essendon President McMahon
was quoted as saying: Essendon does all it can to help struggling
Melbournian Clubs we really do care and this is just another token of our
humility?
Richmond v. Western Bulldogs will play for THE PORN STAR TROPHY. Presented
to the team who needs to learn how to rise to the big occasion.
Fremantle v. Carlton will compete for THE COOKING UTENSIL TROPHY.
(otherwise known as THE OL FELLA PACIFIER Trophy). Closely resembling a
wooden spoon, this Trophy is presented to the team that is demonstrating
premiership droop. A very ceremonial and emotional hand over.
The remaining clubs will not be playing for trophies this round, as some of
them just couldn^? afford to, whilst others have won the ONLY trophy that
counts.
Basil Czerwaniw
Date: Fri, 31 May 2002 19:06:16 +1000
Simon, I have only one suggestion for this weeks comp.
Carlton shall play every week for the grand ol TOTS cup. It shall
commonly be referred to as the "Too Old, Too Slow" Cup
Darren Brookes
Date: Fri, 31 May 2002 19:18:30 +1000
How about we have a three-way play-off between the "Speed Kills
Bombers", the "Wipe Off Five Magpies" and the "Drive Drive, Bloody Idiot
Tigers", for the TAC sponsered "Stay in your driveway with the engine
turned off Trophy".
Or you could just have the "Speed Kills Bombers" and the "Wipe Off Five
Magpies" playing for the "Keep one eye on your pace Mace", which would
give the AFL a chance to try and top the riduclous looking "mace-style"
trophey the Australian Cricket Team has to stand behind everytime they
win anything.
Carlton and Port Adelaide could play off for the "M&Ms memorial
chocolate box" twice a year, and just think of the parade of lovely new
jumpers they could come up with.
Essendon could play North wearing their short lived away strip for the
"Orange Bowl".
The non-Anzac day clash between Essendon and Collingwood could be called
the Gulf War Trophy, representative of the enourmous "Gulf" between
these two teams and the rest of the competition regarding supporters,
sponsorship, etc (just ask them). Perhaps this could also be know as
the "Bore War" Cup depending on which supporters you ask.
Western Bulldogs vs Geelong could play for the "Bureau of Meteorology
'Cats & Dogs' Memorial Rain Guage".
And finally, given that most of these trophys are just a means of adding
media interest where there was previously none, we need to turn to the
masters of this practice, Collingwood. Week in, week out Collingwood
could award this trophy "in house", regardless of who they were playing
or what the result of game was. Collingwood could award the "Ashes" to
whichever group of supporters (Traditionalists or Splitters) was deemed
to have won the day in the stands. The Ashes, of course, being in
memory of that fateful day at Victoria Park, when the second cheer squad
set fire to their floggers in protest of the Pies on-field performance.
Christopher Hardie
From: Lyn Williams
Geelong v Western Bulldogs The Westpoint Cup
Brisbane v Sydney The Visyboard Cup
Kangaroos v Melbourne The Claytons Cup
Adelaide v Port Power The Ramsgate Cup
West Coast v Fremantle The Flying Fox Cup
Hawthorn v St Kilda The Politicians Cup
Promising for years, without delivering
From: A & M Russell
From: Walter Gerardi
From: paul kerambrun
From: shag@alphalink.com.au
From: Greg & Sue Hoysted
The need for clubs to invent trophies to play for was because of the
near impossibility of winning the "Big One" in a 16 team competition.
How then are comp.entrants to win "the big one" in your comp, especially
in weeks like this when you've already allocated the winner because of
an even greater injustice in the judging than normal.
As a result, the B**k St Eight have established their own competition
and will play for their own trophies from this week on. In this round
the following will be up for grabs;
From: LockiePatrick@aol.com
Adelaide V Freo The Mcleod/ Groom Trophy
Brisbane V Hawthorn The Ogg/Jarman Plate etc etc.
Brisbane V Collingwood The Molloy Cup
West Coast V St Kilda The Dale Kickett Cup
Richmond V Port Adelaide The Rombotis Cup
Essendon V Freo The Dale Kickett Cup
Brisbane V Nth Melbourne The Pike Cup
West Coast V Essendon The Dale Kickett Cup
From: shanlon@hagemeyerelectrical.com.au
Games are often named after players who've been stars at both clubs.
So, jumping ahead to 2008, I see the following -
Richmond / Freo: The Matty Richardson Cup
St Kilda / Port Melbourne: The Tony Lockett Cup
The Graeme Teasdale Cup
(only gagging)
From: Bob Crain
I am really POed now, my entry from last week was infintely better than the winning entry (humours as it was) in both content and quality but it didn't even get a mention because some bloke out in the Eastern Suburbs who has probably never played in the "Comp" at the highest level has a responsibility problem and blames not only his but the entire world's problems on the Bloody Yanks. Well I have only one thing to say, WHAT'S THE BLOKE HAVIN' A GO AT ME FOR I DIDN'T KICK IT.
From: Peter Begley
You could argue that it has been the last 2 Home and Away matches of the season that have shaped the finals season,rounds 21&22. I would propose that instead of naming one match, the AFL would name Rds 21&22 and significant finals matches as the .......series . To explain this point further let me paint the The Ideal Scenario!
2nd Final Collingwood lose!
From: Mark Robson
From: Michele Blight
Melbourne v Geelong The Public School Cup
Kangaroos v Bulldogs The intraclub Trophy (as a North supporter it pains me to
say that)
Richmond v StKilda The Rexy (he played for both clubs)
Fremantle v Port Adelaide The Corrigan (He hade a huge influence on the docks
something Port & Freo share)
Adelaide v Carlton The Blue Chip Money Cup
Sydney v Essendon leave that as is The MarnGrook (why think of something when
the AFL have done it for you)
West Coast Eagles v Hawthorn The Waverley in memory of the only Premiership Cup
decider played there.
Collingwood v Brisbane The Eddie (just to boost his downtrodden ego) and this
time Brisbane wins!!!
From: David
(Stuart Mcarther, Cheryl Harvey, Cheryl Critchley, Doug Long, Greg Hoystead,
Sue Hoystead, Bob the Yank and Tim Goddard)
From: Jodi Valpied
From: Cheryl Critchley
Cheryl Critchley
From: Mark Farrelly
I have 3 ideas for trophies that would give the participating teams that
little something extra to play for.
" It wont heppen overnight but it will heppen "
From: Colleen West
From: Stewart/Mills
Trophy? The WORLD CUP (what else !)
Coming soon ...
From: Kevin Hoey
The team that would play off against the Bulldogs for the MORAL
Premiership Cup is St. Kilda...Every year we can watch the Bulldogs and
Saints battle it out to see who really should have won the regular, ordinary
1997 Premiership (Note the Bulldogs won the MORAL Premiership Cup in 2000
against Essendon for being the only team to beat the Dons that year).
Remember Moral victories are much better than regular victories.
From: paul russo
From: D Long
The WASP and the CAVE have merged to form the ATCHEU.
That is: the Whinge About Simon Party and the Coalition Against Virtually
Everything have combined to become the:
Amalgamated Team of Comp Hardened Entrants Union.
Now ATCHEU is nothing to be sneezed at!
We are angry.
We are REVOLTING;
And we are about to take action.
If you insist on awarding winners a week in advance, we will all go on
strike (by not entering the next week). You should be aware, Simon, that the
thought of winning the comp is the ONLY JOY in the life of some of our
members. Their whole week revolves around it. This basic human right has
been cruelly denied by you this week.
To emphasise my protest, I am submitting an entry SO BAD (I hope it reads
worse than the entry last week!) that it could not even win in one of your
^?FF^?weeks.
In honour of Danny Frawley, the Saints and Richmond should play for a plate
with a boot stuck to it. Yes, they compete for the STEPPED UP TO THE PLATE
plate. End of entry!
I urge all entrants to join this union. Membership is free. To join, just
include ATCHEU in your next entry. The union will protect you and respect
your opinions ^?and there will be no woosie SECRET BALLOTS when we vote,
Simon.
ATCHEU Here to stay (PS: our union needs a slogan writer)
From: wendy moore
Wendy
From: Jac & Pete
From: Prue & Chris
* Fremantle v Caaarlton; The Grange Cup. T.G.C. The battle between
1st Class Cellar Dwellars.
* Collingwood v Sydney; The Collo Seeum Cup. C.S.C. Collo really
wants you to come and see this one, because many wont.
* Essendon v Kangaroos; The Iced Vovo Cup. I.V.C. This is for the
marshmallows with a bit of crunch.
* Geelong v Melbourne; Eeminem, or M.M. The Misnomer Medal. It doesn't matter what you call it this year, because it will be changed by next
year. Or, Geelong v Melbourne; The Snappy Tom Cup. Guess the reasons?
Snappy Tom cat food, Whiskas naming rights, blah blah blah. And Snappy Tom
Roper, the previous minister of the ever changing cabinet. That should suit
Cove wrong thinking mind, sorry, right thinking mind.
* Richmond v Bulldogs; The W.O.W. Cup. The War Of the Wounds, given
recent history. Or the C.A.D. cup. Take the name as said. Also, the big Cats
And Dogs scrap. A little ribbon, a la primary school sports days, will be
the trophy for this one, given current financial circumstances.
* St. Kilda v West Coast. The C.S.C. again.
* Hawthorn v Port Adelaide. A.A.C. Affirmative Action Cup. Pretends
to be good for football, but has no real affect on anything. Alternatively,
the P.C.C. the Politically Correct Cup. Easy for the engravers, and despite
the tyranny of distance, still has no effect on anything.
From: Sportslover82405@aol.com
From: Paul Martin
Yes, there have been moments of finals brilliance,
Yes, there have been moments of finals brilliance,
yet it has been a combined 76 years since their "back to back" premiership
years.
Sadly, over the last eight games these grand ol' clubs could only manage a mere
two wins between them.
From: HUGH SAUNDERS
From: Mega Trim
From: Paul booth
From: "Treseder, Peter"
From: KyselaO
From: Clarke Gary
Hawthorn and Freo can fight for the "Garryowen". A sash will be
presented to the team who is BEST groomed,BEST presented
BEST tan.
From: Fiona & Brett Turner
From: Lance Jamieson
Perpetual Trophies up for grabs in this weeks round of football.
"orange car motif astride polished oak shield" -
sponsored by Holden........celebrating the greatest comeback in car
manufacturing history - kangaroos to wear alternate orange guernsey.
"elegant silver plated hub cap with enamel inlay" -
sponsored by Rover........honouring more than 100 years of private
schoolboy
Pivotonians and Fuschias head to head
"tastefully decorated ceramic bowl festooned with crossed chopsticks" -
jointly sponsored by the Vietnamese Communities of Richmond & Footscray.
"crystal and pewter sculpture, remotely resembling a rolled up
newspaper" -
sponsored by John Fairfax Holdings Limited.
.......commemorating newsprint media involvement in the AFL - what's
black and
white and read all over?
"bronze medallion with gold accents"
sponsored by radio station TripleM
.......commemorating the stellar career of the inaugural bears captain
and crows premiership assistant coach.
"teal, burgundy and gold satin sash "
sponsored by Louis-Vuitton-Moet-Hennessy Group
.......celebrating french impressionist Cezanne and "dare to be
different"
fashion - hawthorn to wear night series, broncos style guernseys
"mounted and framed navy blue low rider shorts with ermine trim" -
jointly sponsored by the ACTU and The Liberal Party.
.......the AFL's perennial cellar dwellers fight it out in a scrappy,
low
scoring, "underpaid worker versus greedy management" showdown.
"stuart devlin designed chalice featuring kangaroos and emus and other
stuff"
no sponsor
.......showcasing junior talent - Nick Riewoldt v Chris Judd
From: Terry Sheehan
From: "Walby, Andrew"
- Carlton : The Drunken Rabbit Medal (rather than the Best Clubman, they'd
have the "Best Pubman", named after Matty Lappin)
- St Kilda : The Mirror Ball Medal (rather than the Best and Fairest, they'd
have the "Best and Flariest"; "who'll be taking Trevor home tonight?")
- Coaches : The Tony Jewell Medal (a heart on a sleeve), for the most
gut-wrenching performance in a coaches box or at the post-match media
conference (leading contenders after round 9 are Danny, Rocket and Plough)
From: Jeff Salton
From: karensmith@datafast.net.au
From: Mark Trescowthick
The David Mensch Action Faction
From: Jenny of Brunswick
From: Basil
From: Darren Brookes
From: Chris Hardie