The Coodabeen Champions Competition
Round Thirteen:
The World Cup has been a UK sub-editor's delight:
"Brazilliant"
"Here we go, here we go, here we go....HOME"
Write your AFL headline UK style either about last week's round or a round
you remember or can invent.
Date: Sun, 23 Jun 2002 16:15:09 -0700
In keeping with competition entries about off-field activities, here is my
first time effort.
With Wayne Carey in the news again about his return to AFL football, and
Brisbane players and coach rejecting his inclusion, the headline reads;
Submitted by Tim Oliver of Mt Waverley
Date: Sun, 23 Jun 2002 16:27:32 +1000
Headlines from the split round.
Hawthorn v Essendon: BIRDS OF PREY CIRCLE CHICK
Byline: He may be out of contract this season but his out of form
performance against the Bombers would not have impressed the big birds of
West Coast.
Collingwood v Fremantle: ANCHORS AWEIGH says Connolly
Byline: The Dockers have finally set their sails towards September.
Carlton v West Coast: CAT STEVENS PHILOSOPHY AT THE BLUES
Byline: "Its not time to make a change, just relax take it slowly" so says
the President after Carlton's 1 pt loss.
Sydney v Geelong: KELLY AND GANG AMBUSH SCHWATTA'S PARTY
Byline: James Kelly and cohorts get out of jail in Sydney.
St. Kilda v Bulldogs: WALLACE WOOFERS ESCAPE THE POUND
Byline: Season start gave them the stray dog tag but they are now back on
track to top dog status.
Melbourne v Adelaide: OPTUS CHOICES, YES? NO says Demon fans
Byline: Melbourne supporters may get their snow report via Optus mobiles but
alas not many were in use at Optus Oval on Sat.
Brisbane v Kangaroos: CLINICAL CULL IN QLD
Byline: The roos went on a lion safari at the Gabba but ended up as
brave but beaten marsupials.
Port Power v Richmond: LATE WALLPAPERING HIDES TIGERS CRACKS
Byline: Late goals save Richmond from a 100 pt humiliation but Frawley's
felines have less sting than Tiger Balm ointment in Adelaide.
Cheryl Harvey
Date: Sun, 23 Jun 2002 18:08:37 +1000
Dear Simon,
We too enjoy the talents of a good sub-editor
and wonder how our different subbies would have handled the same story.
For instance what if the great Paul Kelly had a portrait taken for his
Brownlow year and what if it was stolen from AFL house and then returned
ala Picasso's "weeping woman". Naturally a re-hanging ceremony would be
needed.
Herald Sun...."KELLY HANGED...AGAIN" by Michael Sheehan.
The portrait of Brownlow medallist, Captain Courageous Paul Kelly, has
finally been re-hanged at a simple ceremony today at AFL headquarters.
The AGE....."LIFE IMITATES ART" by Caroline Wilson
In a somehow Ironic twist to the Paul Kelly art fiasco, reference was
made, somewhat humourlessly it might be added, to the similarities
between turn of the century republican figure Edward (Ned) Kelly and
footballer Paul Kelly.....
The Truth......"I STOLE KELLY PICTURE!"..Veritas
Colourful Sydney Kings Cross identity Madame Fifi has owned up to
stealing the Paul Kelly portrait during a night of sex and debauchery at
AFL headquarters. Pictures and exclusive interview inside.
Channel Ten ..." EXCLUSIVE....Paul Kelly to sing at ALF Grand Final?" by
Tim Webster
Channel Ten have exclusive footage of singing great Paul Kelly entering
ALF headquarters this afternoon leading to media speculation that he
will be the Pre game entertainment at this "Last Saturday in November
ALF Grand Final"
PS. my Dad told me about the time Truth had a front page saying Duncan
Wright speaks on the Sommerville Incident only to find this quote on the
inside from Duncan. "No Comment"
Regards
Date: Mon, 24 Jun 2002 09:19:45 +1000
NE-CROW-PHILIA
Matt Ryan
Date: Mon Jun 24 10:19:05 EST 2002
Simon,
BATTLER BRITAIN - Blues coach in wars,
Date: Mon, 24 Jun 2002 10:29:11 -0700
simon, a few ideas, take your pick and send the prize.
thanks john
ps if it is a car that I win I prefer red.
back in the 60's carl ditterich was called for national service. possible
scenario: he enters the navy but gets to play his 100th game first, but he is
not too happy about it.
headline: CARL TON NAVY BLUES.
Two of melbourne's financially strapped clubs have entered an agreement with
the adelaide oval to play home games there but with a twist. the first game is
between melbourne and the triple a kangas. spokesman for the oval, former
australian cricketer jo angel described this unique event as a new concept, a
win for all parties and immaculate in its organisation. our photo shows kangas
vice captain glen archer with melbourne president gabriel szondy being shown
around the ground by big jo.
headline: ARCH, ANGEL, GABRIEL IN IMMACULATE NEW CONCEPT.
Three serious injuries from this weeks round of matches. Richo did a tendon in
his ear lobe after Port strongman Darren Mead gave him a clip, Knights needed a
stitch after Mathew Bode parted his eyebrow and Glen Manton will see a
specialist today after teammate Ang Christou became entangled with him in a
marking contest and snagged his snag bolt.
headline: MEAD, BODE, ANG DANGEROUS TO KNOW.
peter filandia gets rubbed out for 10 weeks for biting
headline: FILANDIA COPS BALL IN THE MOUTH, OUT FOR 10 WEEKS
while on leave from footy filandia was keeping fit by training with the aussie
cricketers. batting in the nets when a ball from brett lee rose sharply and hit
him in the face fracturing his jaw and keeping him out of footy for 10 weeks
headline: FILANDIA COPS BALL IN THE MOUTH, OUT FOR 10 WEEKS
On his return to football peter filandia found himself playing on ex eagle
jason ball who spent much of the day ribbing the little guy. filandia could
take it no more, peeled off and struck the big guy and was rubbed out for 10
weeks.
headline: FILANDIA COPS BALL IN THE MOUTH, OUT FOR 10 WEEKS
Dressed as a clown for a club fundraising one little kid thought PF was a
sideshow clown and stuck a ping pong ball in his gob which stuck in the wind
pipe. PF was rushed to hospital for an emergency tracheotomy and will miss...10
weeks
headline:FILANDIA COPS BALL IN THE MOUTH, OUT FOR 10 WEEKS
on his return to footy PF was attacked by spectators who jumped the fence and
wrestled him to the ground in Port's goalmouth. Police had to intervene and
Filandia was arrested and will spend some time away from the game
headline:FILANDIA,COPS, BRAWL IN GOALMOUTH, OUT FOR 10 WEEKS
anzac day game this year
headline:WHO WILL HAVE THE TRUE SPIRIT, COLLINGWOULD, ESSENDON'T
After winning the 2002 Grand Final Brisbane have been investigated by the AFL
who found they breached the salary cap, were dishonest in their contract
information and awarded the premiership to losers, Adelaide. Adelaide coach
gary ayres said it serves them right
headline: BRISBANE LYIN', ADELAIDE CROW
life will be sweet in a new townhouse in kew for essendon strongman paul
barnard and his bride sharon who were married yesterday at colonial stadium.
rumour had it that they consumated the marriage in the centre of the ground
after all the guests had left.
headline: KEW BRUTE SQUARE ROOT
Date: Mon, 24 Jun 2002 12:02:30 +1000
After Carlton lost another close one against the WC Eagles, my first thought
was that the following caption was begging to be emblazened across the back
page of last Sunday's tabloids:
I know you don't allow attachments, and as this is visual, I have placed it
here:
http://www.sprint.net.au/~dman/sub_editor_dgreen.jpg
regards
Derek Green
Date: Mon, 24 Jun 2002 15:01:56 +1000
Lygon St Limbo
The Association has also threatened to sue the AFL and Umpires Association
for restraint of trade. They argue that with Carlton doing so poorly no one
wants to eat in the famous food district.
But all is not lost for those affected by the ban. Rogue restaurateur Paul
Dimattina has welcomed the players and umpires to his restaurant while
distancing himself for the Association's stance...
Date: Mon, 24 Jun 2002 20:05:38 +1000
Dear Simon,
There are a few options listed below to take into account the varying
possibilities as the week unfolds.
You'll find these headlines in some dodgy publication later in the week,
no doubt:
1. Re- Ricky Pontings Wedding (or perhaps regarding the reception?) :
"Bourbon, Beefsteak, & Bride"
2. Re- Upcoming Brazil V Turkey Semi-final:
"Brazil Served up Cold Turkey"
if Brazil wins: "Turkey Stuffed - Brazillian nuts", or
"Brazil served up thanksgiving Turkey.......only thing missing -
cranberry sauce!!"
if Turkey wins: "Turkey gobbles up Brazillian nuts!"
3. Re- Korea v Germany, if Korea wins, here's the back-page headline
(and also what was served up at the stadium at half-time):
"Korean's eat German Shepherd", or
"Jeepers Creepers, it's off to the final for the dog-eaters"
if Germany wins: "Germans eat sausage dog"
4. Re- Akermanis / Carey comments (eg. "we don't want him..."):
"Lion's Pride will share no Bride", or
"Lion King slings King of Schwiiing"
"Lion King says, 'I'll abdicate if The King comes'"
5. Re- Spain's controversial exit from the Q.Finals v Korea
"The pain in Spain is caused mainly by a home game....AFL to recruit
ref. for all interstate games"
6. Re-Lockett/Eade resignation:
"Lockett, Rocket, really no shocker!"
Regards,
Shags (the entrant formerly known as Shag and formally known as Anthony
Edmonds)
Date: Tue, 25 Jun 2002 09:32:08 +1000
Dear Simon,
Greg, Sue (and we're working very hard to give you value for you tax
dollars) Hoysted
Date: Tue, 25 Jun 2002 10:14:38 +1000
Headline
Lockett and Rocket Shock Swans Flock
cheers,
Date: Tue, 25 Jun 2002 10:49:34 +1000
Headline:
CROW'S SNOW FIASCO.
Sub-heading:
DEE'S FANS NO SHOW TO SEE CROW'S WOES. ALL AT SNOW WITH RADIOS AND MARSHMALLOW
COCOA. BLOTTO AT DISCOS WITH BORDEAUX, COINTREAU, OUZO, STATUS QUO AND SUZY
QUATRO.
Short and corny - that's it.
regards
Date: Tue, 25 Jun 2002 12:18:18 +1000
Good afternoon Simon,
A few headlines for your Wonderful weekly comp,
As I barrack for the Demons,
We allways get the Headline after a victory, "Melbourne in a
Deelitefull victory"
also, if Bernard Toohey played for St Kilda - a mighty team ! &
rescued 2 dogs
from a housefire - headline is - "Saintt Bernard rescues Dogs".
If the St Kilda president leaves his sick bed - " St Kilda
president Butturs Up !".
Cheerio,
Ron Collins
Date: Tue, 25 Jun 2002 13:31:40 +1000
The Sub-Editor of the 'little paper' for the bumper Sunday edition on 29
September 2002 after the 2002 Grand Final spectacular
VICTORIAN CLUBS SET TO DOMINATE 2002 NATIONAL DRAFT - full page Banner
Headline
Text: With the first twelve picks in the 2002 National draft (Carlton and
St. Kilda each having a priority pick) Victorian teams are set to dominate
the 2002 National Draft. Club recruiting officers salivate over the best
group of draftees in the history of the draft...etc.
Carey to Resume in 2003 at Victorian Club - 4-inch Banner heading on the
back page
Text: "Wayne Carey has reluctantly agreed to continue playing for a
Victorian club in 2003. Carey says " I was intenting to retire, but I have
been convinced by my collegues, family and close advisors, for the good of
Victorian football to put aside my own personal preferences and offer myself
for the draft. Carey continued "it is a far, far, better thing I do than I
have ever done before" - plagarism from 'Yes Prime Minister/ and 'A Tale of
Two Cities excepted'.
Heading - '2002 G-F Result'
Text in small print: "Port Adelaide (sic) and the Brisbane bears (sic)draw a
thrilling Grand Final with a goal kicked after the siren after the 'referee'
paid a dubious free kick, the 'bears' player on the mark saying he touched
the ball off the boot and with video evidence proving that the kick went the
wrong side of the big sticks.'
The replay will be conducted during the week and will be subject to the
'Golden Goal' rule - First goal wins."
Placement - bottom of the back page just next to the Rajah Sahib advert
showing Shoaib Akthar bowling a Maiden over at the Rajah Sahib - 'You're on
a jolly good wicket at the Rajah Sahib.'
Michael from Mentone
Michael Fry
Date: Tue, 25 Jun 2002 14:19:56 +1000
BLAST OFF - 'ROCKET' FIRED
Don't be fooled into thinking Rodney Eade resigned.
Wayne Hawkins
Date: Tue, 25 Jun 2002 14:34:31 +1000
"Captain Groenewagon, we have a problem"
Translation: After a very slow start to the season and booking in for Bali
for the second week of September, Footscray have had to put their footy trip
back a couple of weeks to October.
Could it really be true that we are heading for a Footscray/Collingwood
Grand Final? Imagine the last Saturday of September with Eddie Mcguire
hosting the Grand Final breakfast, then introducing the Footscray Marching
Band as the pre game entertainment, tossing the coin before the big clash,
presenting Nathan Buckley with the Maurice Rioli medal for winning the Norm
Smith in a losing side and then finally handing the premiership cup to Terry
Wallace and David Smorgon. Smorgon then invites Eddie to stay up on the
dais, as if it wasn't for him and the Footy Show, Footscray would be playing
The Hammerheads in the W.R.F.L.
"Port travelling Free and Easy"
Translation: How many god damn free kicks do Port Power have to get to
ensure that they get to a safe buffer margin of ninety points. The umpires
then know that they can walk to their cars safely, with out getting mugged,
abused or urinated on. Is it not bad enough that they have a fantastic list,
plenty of money,can somehow squeeze Damien Hardwick into their salary cap
and will the get two home finals. Remember, it's not how many frees you get
(Port- plenty, opposition - bugger all) or when you get them (Port - for the
first three and a half quarters, opposition - the last half of the last
quarter) or where you get them (Port - directly in front aided by a dubious
fifty, opposition - in the back pocket against the point post kicking into
the teeth of a gale)
Graham Campbell
Date: Tue, 25 Jun 2002 15:15:23 +1000 (EST)
Adelicked!
Date: Tue, 25 Jun 2002 16:18:37 +1000
Simon,
Havent been around for a awhile as the snow has been super fab at the Creek
(Falls that is). By the way I understand my team the Dees had a bit of a win
last week against that Adelaide lot.
Now I am tempted to suggest that the the subbies could have gone with the
headline, after the lad, Daniher's laconic post match press conference "No
Ayres about Daniher's Dees"
Or after hearing young Leonard's frenetic call of the Lions v Kangaroos game
(the best game that chap Shaw has seen you know Simon) the small paper at least
could have run with The Gabba Gabba Do !!
Maybe Simon after more recent events in Sydney (and for that matter Melbourne)
perhaps the more appropriate headline would be in the SMH: "FACTIONAL BRAWL
UNSEATS LEADER - executive has too much power say main players" or the Tele
could have just simply said EA-DEY PHONE HOME!!!
See ya on the slopes Si!
Date: Tue, 25 Jun 2002 20:13:57 +1000
Port Party but Tigers left with Hangovers.
regards
Paul Sammut
Date: Tue, 25 Jun 2002 23:52:42 +1000
ROCKET PLUNGES DOWN THE SINK AND TAKES THE PLUGGER WITH IT!!!
Brett Turner
Date: Wed, 26 Jun 2002 13:41:50 +1000
G'day Simon,
In big bold letters above 3 photo's, one of Plugger, one of Rodney Eade and one
of the whole team leaving the ground with their heads down after yet another
thrashing.
S.C.G.
And in a Herald Sun classic photo of Jason Akermanis dressed up as Yul Brynner,
glaring straight down the camera holding a Rugby Union ball in one hand and
crushing Wayne Carey Doll in the other and the Headline defiantly screams
The King and I?????
You Just Try Me!!!!
Thanks,
Date: Wed, 26 Jun 2002 18:00:33 +1000
Headline: Walkabout : The National Blues Festival.
Controversial Carlton President John Elliott announced at Brisbane's
pre-match dinner that the Blues would play a home game at the Gabba next
year. Furthermore, as a radical change of direction for the 138 year old
club, the Blues will play 'home' games interstate against the other five
cross-border teams. Elliott defended the club's move saying, "[our]
attendances are down, memberships are down relative to the Essendons of
the competition. The Colonial experiment thus far has been a disaster;
it's time we realised that we're part of a national competition and
hence [the need to] market our club accordingly".
The Blues will play three Friday night 'blockbuster' games at the MCG
against traditional rivals Essendon, Collingwood and Richmond. The
remaining three home games will be spread across the country: round 4 vs
Kangaroos at Manuka Oval, round 9 vs Hawthorn at York Park and, in an
AFL first, round 17 in Cairns vs Melbourne.
Quizzed about abandoning spiritual home Princes Park as a playing venue,
Elliott responded, "Optus Oval has been a bogey ground for us on-field
of late; a haven for interstate sides. We still have a seven figure debt
on the Legends Stand; it makes better financial sense for us NOT to play
at 'home'."
In related news, Optus will withdraw sponsorship of the ground. Ending a
decade long association with the telecommunications carrier, the Blues'
home interstate games will be broadcast exclusively through the Blues'
Telstra-hosted internet site (carltonfc.com.au). Elliott was unable to
confirm whether discounts would be available to Blues members.
Following another low attendance figure against Adelaide last week,
Melbourne were infuriated last night by the announcement that they will
be forced to play four home games (in the new 24 game season) at Optus
Oval next season, in order to fulfill the AFL's ten game agreement with
Carlton (until 2006).
Date: Wed, 26 Jun 2002 19:54:54 +1000
I've never been a fan of the tabloids but when the Carey scandal hit the
headlines I felt our own papers were sorely lacking, after all the Age's
predictably sterile "CAREY QUITS AMIDST CONTROVERSY" hardly hit the spot. What
Melbourne needed was a couple of tabloids duking it out over the Carey affair.
Day 1 - The Story breaks, the Herald Sun leads with "SWING KING" but it's the
Age that takes an early march with "BONK-KING MAD".
Day 2 - The sordid details are leaked to the public. The Hyphen sticks with the
regal theme, "MATES NAB KING IN THE THRONEROOM" and the Age sub-editor fulfills
a lifelong dream of using his favourite word in a Page 1 headline..., "CAREY
CAUGHT IN THE KHASI".
Day 3 - Finally an amazing 72 hours culminates with Wayne Carey breaking his
silence as The Herald Sun leads with "SPEKING DUCK", a play on another Carey
nickname, whilst the Age goes with the natty "CAREY, CAREY, QUITE CONTRARY".
Keep well,
Date: Wed, 26 Jun 2002 20:23:40 +1000
I thought it was about time I entered the competition again, if not to win but
just to let you know how shamed my partner has been. A couple of weeks ago I
sent in an entry about bringing back the Carlton players of 1995, but alas I
used my partner's e-mail. Unfortunately for her, she is a staunch Collingwood
supporter and when you read her name out as a Carlton supporter she was shamed
to the point of leaving the country for a fortnight until the air had cleared.
It did, until she was reminded again just the other day.
Such is the life, particularly for a Carlton supporter like me.
Now for this week's entry. With the week we have had, I could not go past the
following (well maybe I could if I tried real hard). I think the headline says
it all:
Bye! Rocket takes Flight. (boom)
Now after Roos - or Blight?
Cheers for now,
Jim Mulholland
Date: Wed, 26 Jun 2002 20:52:28 +1000
In the true tradition of such media greats as
Dennis Cometti - "The ball goes through the legs of Lamb", and
Tim Lane - "Tape measures the kick", and even in cricket circles
Ian Chappell - "Andy Flower has really blossomed during this tour of Australia"
I present these likely headlines in the print media's Monday wrap up of the
weekend's games:
But perhaps the one we are all waiting for is Dennis Cometti's call of the
Kangaroos v Adelaide clash when analysing the match ups moments before the ball
is bounced, we hear "Foott gets Schuback"
Mark Tracy
Date: Wed, 26 Jun 2002 14:56:42 -0700 (PDT)
*to be said with arnold accent from different
strokes.
"WHAT YOU TALKIN' ABOUT DENIS?"
David Melville
Date: Thu, 27 Jun 2002 16:39:32 +1000
Much has been said about no interstate team having beaten Fremantle at
home. Whilst they haven't really thrashed anyone there yet, I'm sure the day is
just around the corner when after a 60 point win at Subiaco the headline will
read
Date: Fri, 28 Jun 2002 00:05:09 +1000 (EST)
You introduced this weeks comp with the term example
BRAZILIANT. Thursdays herald sun read BRAZILIANT.
Isuggest mondays will read BRAZILIANT again or perhaps
UNBRAZILIANT (if thats a word).
"MILNENIUM"
Saints skipper kicks 1000th goal
Dave Phillips
Date: Fri, 28 Jun 2002 08:43:23 +1000
Simon, after all the trouble my beloved Carlton is having this season
the newspaper headline I would like to see but I know will never happen
for blatantly obvious reasons is
CARLTON DUMPS BIG JACK or
Date: Fri, 28 Jun 2002 11:18:09 +1000
AKERMANIAC - A day in the life of Jason Akermanis.
LUCAS HEIGHTS - Article about Scott Lucas including photo of his aerial
work.
KICKETT TO ME - Kieren Perkins visits a Fremantle training session.
THURSTANS' HOWL - Read about Toby Thurstans' football disappointments.
RIEWOLDTING - Hair care tips from Nick Riewoldt.
BEAT NICKS - Robert Walls simple plan to overcome Sydney - "Beat Nicks".
PAGAN WORSHIP - Denis Pagan spends time in church contemplating his coaching
future.
Wendy from McCrae
Date: Fri, 28 Jun 2002 12:45:38 +1000
CINEMA SENTINEL reports on rumours that Shane Warne and John Elliott are
plotting to destroy the Swans, with the headline:
LOCKETT, ROCKET & 2 SMOKING BARRELS
GUITARIST'S GLOBE reviews Carton's recent form slump:
JUNE MAY-ALL BLUESBREAKERS
A 1981 copy of THE CLASSICAL WARFARE DAILY previews the Swans leaving South:
HANDBALL CROSSES THE ALPS
John McClelland
Date: Fri, 28 Jun 2002 13:43:46 +1000
I know brevity counts towards your wisdomatical decision so I will try to
keep this brief, but, oh the possibilities of all the punsand aliteration.
Any game that Carlton has lost by less than a kick - Sucked In
With Carlton on the bottom - Unsweet Sixteenth or Brittains Darkest Hour
Given Essendon fall from the unbeatable powerhouse - Bombastic Bombers Bomb
The Port/Richmond game last week - Tragic Tigers Terrible Torment, Port
Power Pummels Pathetic Pussies, Tigers go to the Porterhouse
You could sum up the Tigers this year with - Not Good, Very Bad, Just Ugly
If Richmond does manage to win a game there is always - Tigeriffic
A good win by West Coast - Eaglecellent (best said with a Mr Burns leer)
A win by Port Adelaide when their ability had been questioned - Port-able
A good win by Melbourne - Dee-lightful or Dee-mendous or Demonlition or Good
Show Young Chaps (typecast)
An Adelaide loss - A Murder of Crows
A good win by St Kilda, any win by St Kilda - Sen-Saint-tional
For Geelongs narrow win last week - Cat's by a Whisker
After The Bulldogs losses due to inaccurate kicking - Do'h-gs
An "groinal" altercation between Gilbert McAdam and Filandia - Mc-and-andia
Nuts
If Carey goes to Port Adelaide, forward line could be Carey, Lade, Stevens
(should have been in last weeks comp.)
Malcolm Blight roves the pack to kick the winning goal - Great Blight Shark
Digby Morrell kicks the winning goal - A Morrell Victory
Daniel Bandy kicks the winning goal - A Bandy Goal
Daniel Bandy kicks the winning goal - A Bandy Goal
Dew misses the winning goal - Dew for a loss
A good game by Matthew Lappin - Lappin it up
An indifferent game by Trent Hotton - Running Hotton Cold
Peter Treseder
Date: Fri, 28 Jun 2002 04:26:50 +0000
Here are the headlines you might see about all clubs on the back page of the
small paper on a monday morning.
Sydney Swans after a loss: Schwass buckles under pressure
Melbourne: Yze Yze Yze Oi Oi Oi
Kangaroos after they beat Hawthorn: No body does Chick in like KFC
St Kilda: Wulf blows down house
Adelaide when they beat Western Bulldogs: Bassett Hounds Dogs
Brisbane Lions after a loss: Lions take dive in Pike Position
Carlton: Blues put their Eccles Up
When Collingwood plays Geelong: Harley Davidson ride wave of emotion
Essendon: Lucus uses the force
Freemantle: Farmer Cooks Carr as Bell Rings signifying a new era in shipps
When Port Adelaide Beat Bulldogs: Bassett Hounds Dogs Again
Richmond: Hilton more like a caravan park than a hotel
West Coast Eagles: What a Hum Dinger!
Date: Fri, 28 Jun 2002 16:57:49 -0700
watch out for trouble at Collingwood;
PIES SOURCE LEAKS
Date: Fri, 28 Jun 2002 07:11:59 +0100
Headline of the week for me would have been:
EADEY AMEN!!!!!
Love the show,
Tyrone.
Date: Fri, 28 Jun 2002 16:15:21 +1000
"COMETTI CONCLUDES - Forget Roos and Longmire - It's MALAXOS for me.
"BOOZY BLUES LAPPIN IT UP - "spoonfed" blasts Collo
"HALF PRICE MANCHESTER - Dimmeys and Dipper to spruik Commonwealth Games
"KEKO-ITCH - Sam suggests Pagan Sacrifice "I'm ready to coach".
ROCKET BLAST - "Eadey come, Eady go.
ROOS LOOSE IN SYDNEY'S TOP PADDOCK
ITALIAN FANS GO ON THE RIOT - Carlton loses another game.
>From Faction 3366 (Paul Russo/John Clements)
Paul Russo
Date: Fri, 28 Jun 2002 18:33:30 +1000
............ and now with the "late mail".
Cast your mind into the future.
The date is the 19th. of August 2002, this is the Monday after the completion
of round 20.
Yesterday, the Adelaide Crows lost again to Port Adelaide, and I have 3
newspapers sitting on my desk.
The Adelaide Advertiser states: Ramsgate Revisited.
The Herald-Sun reads: Riot At After Match Rematch.
and THE TRUTH returns with a front page of: HEADLESS TORSO FOUND IN TOPLESS
BAR.
Regards Paul Martin.
Date: Fri, 28 Jun 2002 20:48:50 +1000
THE CHICK THAT GOT AWAY
Daniel Chick fulfils the prophecy and heads back West. Photo: Hawthorn
nightclub stalwarts Ben Dixon, Shane Crawford and Nathan Thompson standing
side-by-side looking dejected and staring into the distance:
ON THE CROAD AGAIN
The day after, we find that Croad is heading back to Hawhtorn in exchange
for Chick. Photo: Croad wearing the obligatory Hawthorn guernsey,
mentioning the word "home" 14 times in his interview.
Oliver Kysela
Date: Fri, 28 Jun 2002 21:52:52 +1000
As it's Wimbledon time again and Pat Cash is in the news again (funny
how we never hear anything of him for 12 months until the last week of June
comes around), the sub-editors missed this one 15years ago...CASH BOUNCES
CZECH.
From: Tim J Oliver
PRIDE SAYS NO TO LION KING
P.S. Cameo roles; Jason Akermanis Scar (sworn enemy of the Lion King)
Leigh Matthews Rafiki (wise old baboon)
Alastair Lynch Zazu (the king's
majordomo)
From: Cheryl Harvey
From: grant and christine
Grant and Christine
Wodonga
From: MattR@davenport-industries.com.au
Demons Shaft Lifeless Adelaide
From: mh@seafordps.vic.edu.au
YIBITA YIBITA THAT'S ALL YABBY - Alan Jeans passes away,
"GEE SIR I ACCUSE YOU" - says unhappy umpire,
TIGERS SCRATCHED - Weightman misses postime at TAB,
SPUDS EYES GOUGED - Frawley jabbed in Stooges gag at Plasyers Revue,
LETHAL INJECTION - Coaches dog put down,
HEAVE HO OFF YOU GO - Anchor emblem dropped by fans,
FICKLE FREO FANS FIND FIBRE - support for new sponsor "Kellogs",
SAINTS SELL SOUL TO DEVIL - saints disco to reopen at MCG,
STORM IN A T-CUP - Rugby wife attacks deli vendor,
SHOWALL SWAN SLAMMED IN SIN CITY - Table top Plugger jailed,
SILENCE OF THE LAMB - No comment from ex player on wool scandal,
TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE CARR - pocket power pac performs,
Thanks,
Hassa from Beaumaris
From: john sutton
From: Derek Green
From: Kevin Hoey
Following the lead of Italian soccer club Perugia who axed South Korean Ahn
Jung-Hwan for bundling the Italians out of the World Cup, Lygon Street
Traders Association have placed Peter Riccardi, Mark Merenda and all AFL
umpires in limbo after banning them from their restaurants and bars. Both
Riccardi and Merenda, have been responsible for kicking the winning score in
last quarter thriller victories over Carlton two weeks running and umpires
were central to both controversial finishes.
From: shag@alphalink.com.au
From: Greg Hoysted
Although we seem to have been part of the favoured few, we've never
actually won the comp. We now realise why, we've been entering on the home
email rather than the "Vic" email. Therefore, like Melbourne and the
Saints, we're giving up home ground advantage in the hope of gaining some
other benefits.
Gary Ayres gave everyone a free kick for headlines this week with his ice
cream metaphor. Surely some paper must have used the obvious headline CROWS
LICKED!
This reminds us of the great Alan Jeans sausages metaphor, so we could also
have had HAWKS ALL SIZZLE BUT NO SAUSAGE!
Jason Akermanis also had a big week, and the fact that Leigh Matthews
backed him up to the extent of saying there is no way number 18 will play
with Brisbane next year means we could describe Jason as being THE
AKER-RATE ONE!
Finally, all comp winning entries are supposed to include Matty Lappin, so
I suggest a banner headline/caption for the picture of his spekkie last
week as IN THE LAPPIN OF THE GODS.
From: Jamie Sanderson
Jamie Sanderson
From: David Harris
Jane Harris
From: Ron.Collins@txu.com.au
From: Fry Michael
From: "Hawkins, Wayne"
From: "Campbell, Graham D"
From: "[iso-8859-1] Peter and Julieanne Rhodes"
Peter Rhodes
From: MICHAEL WALKER
From: Paul Sammut
From: Fiona & Brett Turner
From: Mega Trim
In an effort to keep it short and sweet I'll pop in just 2 headlines and hope
it's good enough (Like there's any chance of that happening after 17 odd
years!)
Superstar........Coach............GONE!
Regards
Kevin Nolan (Former Bump Terry Daniher up from King to God Squad....and it was
nice to hear his name in Covey's Quiz last Saturday!)
From: Peter Cox
From: Mark
Mark Fine
From: Jim Mulholland
From: Mark Tracy
Adelaide - "Crows have a Goodwin" or "Johncock rises to the occasion"
Brisbane - "Gram is no lightweight" or "Coach straightens out Pike"
Carlton - No headline at all as team performance is too poor to even warrant a
ridiculous play on words
Collingwood - "Kinnear a lifeline for Pies", or "Cloke Burns in inCLEMENT
conditions"
Fremantle - "Metropolis goes to town" or "Bell chimes in as Shipp gets sunk"
Geelong - "Kilpatrick plays a pearler at Shell Stadium" or "Slade Alive!"
Hawthorn - "Greene with envy" or "Stone solid as a rock in defence"
Kangaroos - "Cooper has them over a barrell" or "Archer adds another string to
his bow"
Melbourne - "Bizzell, Schwartz, Neitz and Yze show zip and pizazz"
Port Adelaide - "Lockwood holds the key" or "Crabb claws his way back"
Richmond - "King and Knights have all the right moves" or "Miller grinds away"
Saints - "Maguire's Magic Millions" or "Knobel takes prize"
Swans - "Adam looks the Goodes", or "Crouch set to pounce"
West Coast - "Wilson's menacing quarter"
Western Bulldogs - "Garlick crushed by defeat"
Lake Boga
From: David
New 2003 Sydney Swans coach runs through the
fundamentals of Pagans Paddock with his squad.
From: David
"FODDER FOR FREMANTLE AT THE CAULDRON OF FEAR"
David Bean
From: "[iso-8859-1] David Phillips"
From: Darren Brookes
BIG JACK SAYS BULLDOGS WILL SURVIVE or
BIG JACK SAYS CATTOGIO IS WHAT BLUES NEED
From: The Dow Family
From: John McClelland
From: "Treseder, Peter"
From: Travis Bull
From: Shane and Mary Cahill
From: Tyrone
From: paul russo
From: Paul Martin
From: KyselaO
From: "Walby, Andrew"
