The Coodabeen Champions Competition
Round Nineteen
This week we want you to think creatively about the salary cap. Essendon's deal for Matthew Lloyd is an example. Though we can assure you that websites are NOT the rivers of gold they're cracked up to be. Anyway, choose your club, and get smart.
Date: Wed, 08 Aug 2001 08:32:51 +1000
From: EM & DR DAY
Well The Cats have started already!!!
Very obvious to all that read the LIVESTOCK WANTED (page 29) of The Geelong
Addy on 4/8/01.
"Monkey required to assist quadriplegic. Training supplied. Ph. 52786*** " (I
kid you not)
This is obviously an enormous industry in the Geelong area and the Cats have
cottoned on - who better to train monkeys than AFL players!!! after all they
have had an average of 1440 hours (3hours per week x 22 games + 2 finals x
20yrs - from 5-25yrs) under the 'guidance' of a 'monkey in white'..
Along with modern day thinking of many of the coaches - players are much better
on the field if working outside the footy field
Well, after they have provided a service to the people less fortunate than
themselves, the question arose - what to do with the excess stock - trained
monkeys. Very obvious - sell them back to the AFL to assist the persons in
white.
Use 1. Could sit the shoulder, a la Captain Hook and get to all the 'in and
under' packs to make sure none of their close reatives 'grips ' were used.- 3
needed
Use 2. Atop the goal and point posts to assist those very capable goal umps.- 4
needed
Use 3. One behind each post to get the 'did he mark/touch it before it went
over the line correct'.- 4 needed
Use 4. To run the boundaries. 4 needed
Use 5. Retrieve the balls - 2 needed for goal ends - the boundary 4 could
double for ball lost on the wings.
Use 6 If you had one on each shoulder, one could face the play and the other
behind - thus eliminating the Umpy running into players.
Uses are endless
The AFL pay large amounts to have the pressure off their untouchable/not
accountable men? in white - thus no investigation by the league (although maybe
they are stupid enough to investigate themselves) and Geelong have very large
Extra Ordinary payments to their players - thus getting around the salary cap.
Liz Day - Go Cats
drd@austasia.net
Date: Wed, 08 Aug 2001 14:12:47 +1000
From: "Treseder, Peter"
Simon,
Again another week (I think this makes 5 weeks) where you mention my name as
a worthy contributor but do not actually read any part of my entry and this
week you even go the effort of saying I should be annoyed that my entry, or
part thereof, is not read. Am I annoyed!!!! Yes and no.
Yes, that my creative effort disappears to the ether of the website, despite
that the time that it takes you to say "Peter Treseder had a good entry and
should be annoyed that I haven't read it" and the subsequent apology, equals
the time it would take to actually read the entry.
No, because at least my creative effort reached the bar that you place ever
so high, only to be knocked off by the constraints of time.
Well now to my entry this week, and I leave it's reading to the even handed
approach you show all entries.
Two possibilities to rort the salary cap.
1. You declare yourself to be your own manager. You then have your
club pay your manager directly. The fact that your manager's fee is 50% of
your salary leaves you to get twice as much as you currently receive with
breaching the salary cap.
2. Your club creates it own holiday style TV show, ie Getaway. Of
course you go to all the great holiday places around the world for free and
the clubs pays you to do this. Your payment by the club for this role does
not exceed the salary cap, because as we all know, hosting a holiday style
TV show,.....Is not a real job!
Peter "Trash" Treseder
Date: Wed, 08 Aug 2001 17:14:18 +1000
From: Luke Gillies
The player whos contract is due for renewal is invited to the club
presidents house, for the sack of the story Essendon are trying to resign
Matthew Lloyd, Lloyd enters to room to see Graeme McMahon and Peter
Jackson and Lloyds manager Ricky Nixon(?) are sitting around a green
table cigarette smoke lingering in the air above.
Luke Gillies
Date: Wed, 08 Aug 2001 17:15:03 +1000
From: Peter O'Sullivan
Hello Simon,
Essendon seem to have difficulty fitting all their players under the
salary cap.
I'd like to see the Essendon President Graham McMahon
standing up in front of a blackboard with AFL President Wayne Jackson
explaining how Essendon manages to fit all their players under the
salary cap
by performing the classic Abbott and Costello Routine 7 x 13 = 28.
Wayne: now Graham, your records show that Essendon is paying
each of its top 7 players 13% of the total salary cap
allowance.
Graham: that's right Wayne, 7 times 13 is 28%.
Wayne (pointing to the blackborad)
come over here and prove that to me Graham.
Graham: you want me tp prove it?
Wayne: prove it!
come on, put down 7
Graham: okay, 7 players
Wayne: now put down 13
Graham: 13 per cent
Wayne: now, make a line
you claim that 13 times 7 is what?
Graham: 28
Wayne: prove it!
Graham: 7 times 3? 13
7
Wayne: 21 21
7
Graham: 7 times 1? 28
Wayne: 7
Graham: 7 and 1?
Wayne: 8
Graham: and 2 to carry is 28!
Wayne: (gives Graham a quizzical look)
perhaps we'd better try adding it up.
Graham: sure Wayne, whatever you like.
Wayne: put down 13, 7 times
Graham: put down 13, 7 times?
Wayne: 7 Times !!
Graham: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 13
13
Wayne: now you claim that adds up to what? 13
13
Graham: 28
13
13
Wayne: give me the chalk and I'll add it up 13
3,6,9,12,15,18,21
28
Graham: 22,23,24,25,26,27,28!!
Kind Regards
Peter O'Sullivan
peter.osullivan@au.wilsonlog.com
Date: Wed, 08 Aug 2001 18:44:18 +1000
From: Michele Blight
Dear Simon and fellow Competition entrants including Doug Long,
Firstly, I wish to confirm following last weeks winning entry from Doug Long,
that I, Michele Blight, do in fact exist and it is my attempts at humour not
that of Malcolm Blight that Simon reads out.
My existence would be known to all who attended the Coodabeens Convention last
year where I nominated Fraser Gehrig as Player of the Year for hitting an
umpire and getting away with it.
Having had such a wonderful time last year I have been determined to win the
Comp again so I can attend the Convention but as yet I have not been privy to
the will of Simon. I've tried short entries, long entries and mentioning St
Kilda but nothing works. I hope that I do not have to resort to pathetic quips
to gain my pass.
Which brings me to my entry this week, which I gained inspiration for by the
mere fact that I have, a famous namesake. Players will in future be able
nominate a person with the same initial and name who will be employed by their
club as a decoy for the said player.
The "Namesake" will ring a restaurant, nightclub, health retreat etc and make a
booking with initial and name e.g. M Lloyd, R Smith, and C Bradley. Naturally
this is then leaked to the paparazzi who all turn up at the appointed place and
time only to be disappointed when Martin Lloyd, Richard Smith and Carol Bradley
all of Moonee Ponds turn up rather than the famous footballer. Meanwhile the
famous footballer is safely in another venue being ignored.
You must by now thinking where the money comes into all this and what reward
the namesake gets. The money is paid by the club again to the person with just
initial and surname so the player can bank it and the namesake gets all the
best seats in house based on their famous name.
There is but one detracting feature of all this. Players called Koutifidies,
Liberatore, Grgic, and other uncommon names will find it difficult to find a
namesake.
Michele Blight
Date: Wed, 08 Aug 2001 22:33:10 +1000
From: Lisa A Baker
ASSISTING CLUBS TO KEEP WITHIN THE SALARY CAP
Divide the salary allocation into 22 parcels. (One for each round). Take
out $2,200 for every round, allocating an automatic $100 retainer for each
player who plays on the day. At the beginning of each game divvy up the
remainder of that day's parcel to paid up attending members at the game.
At the end of the game all the players of the day line up on the ground
with cap in hand. Members file past giving each player the amount they
judge each player is merited. (A La Busker style)
THIS INNOVATIVE IDEA WILL:
Ensure that each player will TAGHLATH (and possibly STD)
And have a RHG, get BTB and KTBB(kick the bloody ball). It could OTFG as
members would have the opportunity to even pay themselves for a hard day's
barracking and abusing. I realise some players will be LDTB (for example
highly paid non contributors such as Colbert), but it could just get them
BITG. This might inspire those with an AP to TTC.
And it would also encourage players to more friendly to the paying public.
For example when the ball is down at the other end of the ground, players
could wander over to the fence, have chat, sign autographs etc a la Merv
Hughes. This would also give the guys on the bench something to do other
than prance around like synchronised swimmers.
And when the team gets into the finals as no doubt they surely will, with
such incentive to play decent football, they can GBTB and play for the
GLORY of the GAME
Lisa Baker
Date: Thu, 09 Aug 2001 11:18:44 +1000
From: Jac & Pete
Simon- an idea which will provide more money for the paupers of this world -
players, lawyers & medicos.
Clubs ( I think particularly of StKilda and Carlton) will ensure players attend
aftermatch activities at their Social Club. Naturally there will be free
drinks, and in addition a "players only" poker machine will be available and
set to pay out continually.
Clubs will also employ security guards (bouncers) on salaries of $200,000 to
$300,000 each. They would selectively (at club instruction) unfairly pick on,
assault and remove one player each week from the social club. The player (with
assistance from club lawyers) would then sue the bouncer and settle out of
court for say $200,000 for pain ,suffering, embarrassment etc. Therefore ,
22weeks X $200000 = $4,400,000 extra in player payments.
Money would also be paid to the players by the media seeking the "scoop" on
their story.
Jac & Pete (Kilgour)
PS Contrary to discussion on last weeks program all is well in the Jac &
Pete house. Jac is happy to simply add this week that the security guards
mentioned above should be wearing fuchsia coloured head & arm bands (as per her entry last week) . She has assisted me greatly this week as I have used her
intimate knowledge and experience of being thrown out of football club social
gatherings when drunk and disorderly. Anyway must go and erase this PS before
she gets home.
PS2 We have been labelled favourites but we want to be WINNERS so we can be
immodest in victory.
Date: Thu, 09 Aug 2001 14:32:51 +1000
From: KyselaO
Simon
St.Kilda:
Add the playing list to the thousands of current patrons that enjoy free
dining at Billy Ferg's Lobster Cave in Beaumauris, where players could
double their effective salaries by dropping lobster 5 days a week, and
endulge in the most expensive drunken foodfight that they only merely
dreamed of as children (5 fresh lobsters in the air at any one time would
equate to $1,000).
Hawthorn:
Unlimited Young Members Marquee access all year round, and free shares in
racehorses with names in racebooks, for fillies by Danehill out of Marscay
mares, to give the Croads and Dixons every opportunity to deliver those
words we all dream of to the legless beauties in the Marquee............
"That's my horse".
Adelaide:
$450,000 a year for the 12-to-2 shift in the souvenier shop for Mrs Jarman
would seem excessive.
West Coast:
Hide your players until they are 29 years old and can only command $30,000
base contracts plus incentives for the opportunity to play league football.
Oliver Kysela
Date: Thu, 09 Aug 2001 17:38:18 +1000
From: Darrell Nash
In order to overcome salary cap problems the 2002 Bombers have come up with
designs for the new Docklands (to be known as Bomberland) with all players
taking on directors roles in new & exciting franchises. Obviously these roles
will come with waterfront appartments and expense accounts as they oversee
proceedings around their training and playing schedules. Features include:
Essendon College - exclusive private school with Principal Sheeds at the helm
Solomon & Hardwick's Debt Collection Agency
Fletcher's Weight Loss centre
Barnsey's Joke Shop
Lloyd's Lawn Mowing Specialists (slow but effective)
Hirdy's Financial Services (you couldn't not trust him!!)
Johnston & Johnston's Panel Beaters
Moorcrofts Bungee Jumping (drop down onto a dummy Brad Johnston)
Bewicks Acting Academy
Rotten Ronnie Andrews' Pig Shooting Safaris
Misiti & Caracella's Outback Adventure Tours (in the wide open spaces)
Mercuri & Alessio's Italian Restaurant
Ramanauskas Dance Academy
Lucas' Left Emporium (as per Ned Flanders)
Wellman & Barnard's Hair Salon
Obviously big fat director's fees will be paid, which will have nothing to do
with the salary cap, and all businesses will be a success as Graeme McMahon
knows the secret.
Darrell Nash
Date: Thu, 09 Aug 2001 22:05:28 +1000
From: ROBYN CORBOY
Simon
As an Essendon member I would hope Essendon comes up with more of these
"commercial transactions" in an effort to keep the side together a bit longer.
I can see a copy of the following newsletter being produced in 2001:-
"Crown Capers" - an inhouse newsletter for Crown Casino employees
Crown announces minor sponsorship of the Essendon Football Club.
Many staff members would have read or heard the media reports of the recent
sponsorship deal with the Essendon Football Club. The Casino is pleased to be
able to provide fifty thousand dollars to the Club as a secondary sponsor. We
are proud to be involved with the premiers of the past two years, even if it is
in a small way.
To celebrate the announcement of the sponsorship several players and officials
of Essendon were guests of the Casino in the Mahogany Room. Matthew Lloyd may
be one to follow this year after his lucky win on the tables, not many of our
high rollers have won sixty thousand dollars in one session, so Matty was
rightly thrilled with the result. Well done, Lloydy!!
Crown Netball Club News
We are pleased to announce that Netball Victoria's investigation of the
Casino's Netball Club has concluded with no further action to be taken. Team
Captain, Tania Hird said, "Although the Pascoe Vale Wednesday night mixed
competition is strictly an amateur competition the State rules clearly allow
for the coach and captain to be reimbursed costs plus a reasonable allowance."
Coach Melissa Barnard agreed "I mean we have baby sitting, travel and other
costs which add up over a year - $40000 may seem a lot to some people but the
authorities have said if a netball club can afford it they can't regulate the
amounts paid.
$100,000 to our Five Millionth Customer
We were pleased to give away a one hundred thousand dollar prize to our five
millionth customer during the month. Mr J. Ramanauskas of Healesville was the
lucky winner and was greeted by Manager of Customer Relation's, Joanne
Moorcroft. (Pictured presenting the oversized novelty cheque to the lucky prize
winner).
We'll have more Crown Caper's next month.
Cheryl Misiti
Editor
GC, Deniliquin
Date: Thu, 09 Aug 2001 23:52:42 +1000
From: Maree
Dear Simon,
At the risk of sounding like a suck thanks for reading out my entry
last week. After only two tries I was pretty bloody happy about it!
To get around the salary cap I think clubs should start their own Record
companies so that they can offer their players lucrative recording
contracts. Hawthorn could form a boy band and they wouldnt even need to
hire a stylist, St Kilda could take over the Best Ever Beer Drinking
Songs franchise from Triple M, and Nathan Buckley could produce a
compilation of his favourite songs and call it Bigger than Jesus.
(Maybe clubs have already thought of doing this otherwise how else to
you explain the existence of Jacko^³s Im an Individual?)
Maree from Brunswick
Date: Fri, 10 Aug 2001 10:26:15 +1000
From: colin buckley
This idea comes out of the recent publicity about C Skase and offshore tax
havens, mass marketing of tax schemes and Essendon paying a big fee for (so
called) intellectual property. It can apply to any club, any player but it
would fit nicely with the "can do" culture at Carlton.
See diagram.
In this case, the intellectual property are the trivial benefits which a
player receives which are packaged together to form a "valuable bundle of
rights". Such rights include: free car parking at training and at the
match day ground, free attendance kids footy clinics, free coaching form
head and specialist coaches, able to train at home club, access to footballs
and training gear, sit in coaches box when injured, free entry and drinks
cards at night clubs.
These rights are bundled together and sold by the player to a Caymans Island
Trust for $200K. An interest free debt to the player is created. The club
buys the rights from the Cayman Island entity ( for say $200K) or pays a
lease fee over the player's contract period. The player's debt is repaid
using the cash received by the Trust from the club. The player could use an
offshore bank account which would be accessed at the time of the player's
overseas end of year trip.The amount can vary between players - Kouta (43)
$250K but Fevola (25) is only $50K.
The value for these rights is supported by an independent valuer eg. Real
estate agent on the Gold Coast or using prices from those Club auctions
where they sell jumpers and access to the coaches box for a day.
The club then supplies these rights to the player as part of their playing
contract with the club.
There is an option in the Club's contract with the Cayman Trust to sell back
the rights when the player is delisted. The option fee is $1.
The AFL investigators would find it difficult to find out the offshore money
trail and would have to accept the bona fides of the contracts which are
structured on commercial terms.
End result: Player gets cash, the Club has the player, the lawyers get
their fee and the AFL salary cap rules are in tact.
Date: Fri, 10 Aug 2001 12:44:27 +1000
From: Matt Cronin
Dear Simon,
To rort the salary cap a club should do the following :
The club should set itself up as a Parliament, in which you have the
"Government" (forwards), Opposition (backs), Democrats (On Ballers),
Independants (Centres) and The Greens (Rookies). The Club's Board are the
voters and the coach is the Speaker of the House. The Club's Parliament is
very similar to the Federal Parliament, as they both have the left and right
wing represented, some "ministers" are described as being wet and they
always want a level playing field.
Each player is then given a portfolio, ie Matthew Lloyd, The Honourable
Minister for Full Forward. The brief for this Minister is to kick goals.
Being a minister, the player is then entitled to "generous entitlements"
such as travel, cars and meals not only for them but their partners as well.
The value of these "perks" is of course a monetary value to the player, but
are not treated as salary, and therefore escape the salary cap.
The value of the "perks" are monitored by the Board and the players
(ministers) and consequently never seen to be excessive or out of touch with
the general population.
Another novel entry could be to use the example of a club whom I won't name
but whose initials are Carlton.
You could rort the salary cap by luring highly paid interstate recruits whom
I
won't name but whose initials are Steven Kernahan, Craig Bradley and Greg
Williams.
You could then suggest to them that you will pay them a handsome salary for
not only the term of their football contract, but in fact for the rest of
their lives
on the proviso that they become either a specialist coach or chairman of
selectors.
A novel idea, and I wonder if anyone could possible think of this???
The laws surrounding libel and slander may prevent the publishing /
broadcasting
this entry.
Matt Cronin
Date: Fri, 10 Aug 2001 14:41:25 +1000
From: lawstemp@bayside.vic.gov.au
Diggers,
I remember back in the olden days, back when Lions could speak, back when we
were luck to have two sticks to rub together, back when drop kicks were all the
rage, we had to sing for our supper. Now, now the laddies wouldn't know how
to
sing. Everything is laid on, gratis. Clothes, comb and chook stew. I tell
you what would fix 'em, a war. A war i tell you. A good old fashioned barny,
with all the boys on the front line, pushing 'em back. I did that somewhere in
France in 1916 then backed up carving out the Kokoda trail with nothing more
than a blunt spoon. I will tell you some thing for nothing, a bit of lead in
the calf would fix these footballing chaps. Toughen the scallwags up it would.
Make 'em appreciate life. Give 'em a taste of doin' it hard and never
complainin' and never finessin'. No whinging about salary caps on the front
line, you're too busy trying to keep your kneecaps. A war I tell you, a war
would fix 'em. A good old fashioned scrap. Get the economy going and fix this
drug and unemployment caper. What are those Ruskies up to? Get into 'em.
Let
me at 'em. ' C'mon fellas' we used to say, 'there's a war to be won'. Nothin'
could stop us. Half a cup of cold stew and four week old bread a day and a
tap
on the arse if you were lucky. That'd fix 'em.
Col. C. M. Wither (Retired)
Date: Fri, 10 Aug 2001 15:45:20 +1000
From: Bob Crain
Dear Simon,
Knowing the importance of brevity in relation to competition entries let me say
just one word on this issue
REAL ESTATE
the possibilities for abuse are endless.
Bob the Yank
Date: Fri, 10 Aug 2001 16:07:33 +1000
From: paul russo
Dear Simon,
Faction 3366 would like to refute claims made by the "Trumpet" last week
that we are favoured in this competiton. At the Faction we are a very
professional outfit, establishing core values where we have a structure in
place in which we follow a process. We are very excited about the future
and are driving towards utopia. We will prevail.
Anyhow, here is our entry for this week:
HOW TO GET UNDER THE SALARY CAP: FOR St Kilda - pay all the players in
seasonally adjusted terms according to where the team finished on the
ladder in the previous year. So coming last in 2000 means the players are
paid 1/16 their normal fee for the 2001 season.
>From Paul Russo/John Clements
Date: Fri, 10 Aug 2001 16:57:40 +1000
From: pcritch@alphalink.com.au
Why reinvent the wheel when the past 10 years have brought up some absolute
pearler
ways of dodging the salary cap. I propose a "Norwich Rising Star" type award
for the salary cap dodge of the year, most likely sponsor the ATO.
Here are some of my personal favourites over the years:
- "Lending" a six figure sum to a star player rather than paying it to him,
then having that "asset" still on your books some years after the star has
gone back home.
- Recruiting star players who coincidentally have wives with secretarial skills
so good that they can be paid six figure sums to man the phones in the office.
- And for salary cap stuff up of the decade, how about Melbourne's 1994 effort?
We all know that at Joe's behest they 'fessed up to their breaches, but did
you know that at the time they went to the AFL and said "guys, we are way under
the cap, can we bring forward some 1995 payments and include them in this
year's
cap?" to which the AFL duly agreed. The rest is history.
All the best
Date: Fri, 10 Aug 2001 18:04:04 +1000
From: Chris Hardie
Hi Guys,
Just some suggestions as to ways we can get around that pesky salary
cap.
Stephen Silvangi's children could each receive a fee as 'demographic
specific, mobile marketing executives' for wearing a Carlton footy
jumper to school. I'm sure about $75,000 each is a fair and reasonable
fee.
In the vein of mattlloyd.com.au, the Geelong Football Club announces
that "1-800-BIZZEL" is ready to answer your calls know, this must be
worth at least $50K to 'The Biz'.
The big Sav, Saverio Rocca is paid a sum known as "The Black and White
allowance", whereby he receives a fee for each photograph of him that
appears in the paper in black and white. This is fiscal compensation
for the pain and suffering of some people thinking he still plays for
Collingwood, and all such fees paid should appear under the Collingwood
salary cap, not North's.
After the success of the Wiska's campaign, Ronnie Burns changes his name
by deed poll to "The Geelong Football Club". It is only fair then that
the club pay 'The footballer formerly known as Ronnie.' about $100,000 a
year for the use of his name.
In a shady underworld style deal, 'No. 18' receives an $80,000 a year
allowance from Carey Grammar under the guise of 'Miscellaneous
Subliminal Marketing', where the school gets the money to pay for this,
remains a mystery.
Chris Hardie.
Date: Fri, 10 Aug 2001 18:04:23 +1000
From: Darren Brookes
Simon, I propose only one this week.
Darren Brookes
Date: Fri, 10 Aug 2001 19:29:33 +1000
From: "Salton, Jeff"
Overcoming the salary cap at Melbourne
Headline: Demons purchase 4WD touring company from Jeff White
Entrepreneur and high flying ruckman Jeff White, has sold his lucrative 4WD
touring business, Jeff White's Lucrative 4WD Tours, to the Melbourne
Football Club for an undisclosed figure.
The company, which takes Range Rovers displaying tiny red and blue
numberplate stickers for hell-raising off-road tours of the MCG carpark, has
been extremely popular among Melbourne Football Club members since its
launch in January this year.
Chief Executive John Anderson said the deal made a lot of sense.
"We're always looking at ways to promote our club and offer our supporters
something more," he said. "Jeff had this great idea and although his
contract doesn't allow him to participate in any 4WD activities because of
their inherent dangers, we thought we would buy it off him and let him
concentrate more on his on-field performances."
A spokesman for the Jeff White's Lucrative 4WD Tours said the tours had been
very successful although business had dropped off dramatically since the
onset of the wet weather as drivers were loathe to get their vehicles dirty.
It's also difficult towing a horse float through the car park after common
cars have dug it up after a Friday night match.
For those wishing to experience the thrill of the tour without having to
take it, the tour operators, Melbourne FC, offers two options:
1 Valet driving (pick up and drop off at your stockbrokers),
Jeff From Kilsyth
Date: Fri, 10 Aug 2001 19:39:21 +1000
From: Clifton Doehmann
What an opportunity! One of the greats of modern football, readily identifiable
and extremely sellable in both the corporate and private spheres, as frontman
and talking head for a brand new telecommunications company.
I can see it working, I really can. Imagine, Matthew`s smiling face, exhorting
one and all to `kick a goal` by putting all your telephone and internet usage
through his company,ONE-MEL.(short for- the ONE and only Matthew Essendon
Lloyd).
All the little people would get on board, not really caring what sort of
renumeration is paid to one of there favourite sons or to the company`s
directors. of course, in this very volatile of industries, it is possible to
lose a lot of money also, say about 930 million,give or take a few cents. When
probed about where has all the money gone, one could just say that ` yes, it
was a bit of a stuff up, there should have been more upper management oversight
of the day to day running of things, and that next time, we`ll all know better.
Matthew gets his money from his endorsements. No worrying about the salary cap
there. The club could write it of as a loss, freeing up more money for the
players and their entitlements, and the other directors could now get on with
their next tax write-off, er, I mean their next marketing ployd. Maybe
something like investing your hard-earned in futures or something equally
Rivkenting.
Great show guys, keep it up.
Clifton Doehmann
Date: Fri, 10 Aug 2001 21:51:37 +1000
From: Geoff Leggo
there are several methods on offer for clubs to combat the salary cap scourge:
1. affix "dot com" to the surnames of every player on the list which will
guarantee that a player's paper value will be next to zero even if a
premiership is won with 18 players on the long term injury list.
2. Geelong should index their player's values to that of their major sponsor's
vehicles. i.e. once a player is signed up and turns out for training his value
drops instantly by 35-40%.
3. Richmond can introduce demerit points. As their sponsor tries to clean up
the roads, the Tiges can clean up their act by rewarding Richo's sooking, the
Kellaways' kicking and Gaspar's hairstyle with docking of salaries. Three
offences and the club doesn't have to pay them at all!
4. As veterans are rightly not counted in the salary cap, so shouldn't SECOND
YEAR PLAYERS. Everyone knows youngsters get the second year blues so these
players should be given a year's grace by not having their "Adrian McAdam Year"
counted.
5. Finally, all clubs should wake up to the Essendon and Carlton tactic of
deliberately breaking the salary cap, winning the premiership and then being
lightly spanked in the off season. It's a wonder everyone's not doing it.
Regards,
Geoff Leggo.
Date: Fri, 10 Aug 2001 23:26:50 +1000
From: Gary bourke
How to fit all the players under a salary cap
Have them on the AFL payroll as Umpires Advisors
They do it every week with out pay now !
Option 2
No Salary Cap
Take each players jumper around at the end of the game ( similar to the
old fashioned blanket appeal) and ask the fans to throw money into the
jumper of the player that played the best
Gary Bourke
McMahon: Do you know how to play poker Matthew
Lloyd; Ive never played game before Mr McMahon
(Three sitting members glance and smile at each other)
Nixon; Its ok Matthew, sit down
Cards dealt around table
(McMahon holding, King Spades King Hearts King Clubs, Queen
Spades, Queen Hears, folds)
McMahon The only full house Im interested in is on Saturday night
(Jackson holding 5 hearts, 6 hearts, 7 hearts, 8 hearts, 9
hearts folds)
Jackson I just hope you boys can win the next five Straight
(Nixon holding Ace Spades, Ace Diamonds, Queen Clubs, Queen
Diamonds folds)
Nixon; Well its not the same as the pair you and Hird make
in the forward line
Lloyd takes the ante with 4h, 7s, 2s,10d, 3c
Jackson, McMahon,
Nixon continue to fold all night until Lloyd has received roughly
$500,000, Ricky Nixon is the only one to walk away with any money,
roughly 10% of what Lloyd has just won. Subsequently Nixon agrees to
allow Lloyd to sign a contract with Essendon the following day paying him
the same a one of the guys running round in the VFL
Yarra Valley Old Boys Football Club, Under 19s
Cheryl Critchley's Brother
Carlton Football Club to buy the rights to the best bodybuilding
chatline in town 1800-KOUTA
or
2 Mud splashed strategically on your vehicle while you relax in the club
sauna.
Option 1