The Coodabeen Champions Competition

The Coodabeen Champions    Competition

Round Twelve

Football is a winter game. This irritating platitude is ringing in stinging ears at footy grounds and OzKick ovals all over... This week Mark Harvey came direct from OzKick to 3AW to accept his chocolate footy for being named by Tony for this year's Wayne Brittain Award . Tony asked Mark to nominate his worst game ever for weather conditions. Harvs didn't hesitate, recalling playing for Keilor Downs against Doutta Stars with the ground underwater. Nominate and describe the worst footy conditions you've ever experienced .

Send your entries to competition@coodabeens.com.au


Date: Sun, 17 Jun 2001 14:53:25 +1000 From: HOPPY

The worst I can ever remember was back in the late 1970s in a game against Boolarra and Hill End in the Mid Gippsland Football League. It had been a fairly wet week and I was coaching the Hill End Thirds at the time. Prior to the game we had to herd the flock of sheep of the ground and there was a small stream of water flowing down the paddock. The kids kicked of in what was the most reasonable conditions we had seen all week but things soon changed. By the time the seconds started the sleet had set in and when the seniors took the ground at 2.10pm it was almost dark. The first half was played in a mixture of sleet and snow and at half time the coach ordered us to have rum in a cup of tea to get us warm. They were the days prior to interchange and at half time our 19th and 20th men were no were to be seen.

In the second half the sleet gave way to the occasional hail storm intermixed with torrential rain. There was no 3/4 time huddle as both teams agreed to change ends immediately and continue with the game. By full time we had doubled Boolarras' score 2.6.to 1.3 and headed for the showers only to find the seconds had used all the hot water. It was a cold and uncomfortable trip back over the hills for home that night.

Peter Hopkins


Date: Sun, 17 Jun 2001 20:50:05 +1000 From: James Watson

The worst footy conditions i have ever seen was when Essendon played St. Kilda at Waverley in 1996. It was the famous game where the lights went out and they had to finish the game on the Tuesday. Malcolm Blight, working for channel 7, had to hold a candle as a source of light. The fact that the lights went out was only part of the dangers facing the Saints and Bombers. It was when the former Saints diehards situated between the two races at Moorabbin stormed onto the ground, pulled out the behind post from the right hand end, and began to charge with it using it as a spear and the Bombers ran off the ground fearing for their safety.

Yours Sincerely, in so far as, being truthful,

James Watson


Date: Mon, 18 Jun 2001 12:50:58 +1000 From: "Walby, Andrew"

Preliminary final 1995, Waverley, Richmond versus Geelong, coming off the semi-final win against Essendon
- raining (of course)
- lost by 15 goals
- Michael Gale kicked backwards
- Campbell punched Couch (got suspended for start of '96 season)
- queue for beer was miles long (mainly us Tigers supporters)
- had to walk miles back to the car in the rain
- haven't made the finals since!

Only good thing to come of it : Cats got flogged the week after!

Andrew Walby


Date: Mon, 18 Jun 2001 16:50:03 +1000 From: Sue Hoysted

Simon, My wife threatens dire consequences if you keep reading out her name for my entries. (She'd a confirmed anti-football person). I know the email address is in her name but that's just another of the prices we pay for access to modern technology.
On the comp. the worst game I can remember was a certain Footscray Vs Carlton match at the western oval. The name Mark Arceri should tell you all you need to know.
Off brief, but appropriate given the nearness of the ashes series, the worst conditions I've played in was in this year's cricket grand final. As usual it rained during finals, and I'd lost 8 tosses in a row coming into the GF so I thought I was due for a win, WRONG! Lost toss on first weekend's play, wet track, all out 66. Dry weather the following week, pitch now an absolute road, opposition 7 for 270 when game ended. Don't you just love wet conditions.

Greg (*NOT SUE) Hoysted


Date: Mon, 18 Jun 2001 19:12:40 +1000 From: Julian Toohey

gday lads, i was inspired to write this week because as soon as i hopped in the car during the middle of the competition segment, i had just played in a game where we won 3 goals 8 to 1 goal 4. the scoring could have been so low due to the fact half our team had been toa school formal the previous nights and many were full of ink, and were on less than a few hours sleep.
welike to think ourselves as alcohol enhanced footballers.

i played a game in under 10s for east camberwell against surrey hills, at the camberwell vfa ground a while back, while there was a novelty of playing on a ground with2 grand stands, we kids had as much fun bashing around in the quagmire and trying to define their team mates by the end of the first quarter.

anyway i can't think of anymore shocking games which are worthy of winning this weeks comp

julian Toohey


Date: Mon, 18 Jun 2001 21:43:03 +1000 From: Gary bourke

Worst game and conditions ever !!
Last Monday week
Queen's Birthday weekend I went to watch my beloved DEEs take on Collingwood As an MCC/MFC member ( does this now disqualify me from ever winning anything) I usually sit in the members and watch the game. As I was with several friends ( all Collingwood supporters) their children ( all Collingwood Supporters) my two children ( all Collingwood Supporters)

We let a FRIEND purchase reserved seats under cover :

Ist deck of the Ponsford Stand right behind the goals

Right behind the Official Collingwood Cheer Squad

The chanting and the ribbing got so bad at about 10 to 3 I said to my mate "if we hurry we can catch the three o'clock session of Pearl Harbour !

As the goals raIned, the chanting got stronger, even the singing of the pie anthem at the 12 minute mark of the last quarter : Have these people no memories !!

I suffered till the end not wanting to prompt the chant of good bye, good bye by getting up and leaving

Ithen realised why it was my worst game : As with Pearl Harbour It was a sneak attack

Collingwood came to play and no body was warned To avoid this in the future I now ask the UN to ratify the following

" A Declaration of We've Come to PlaY "

Any team that is Coming to Play must inform their opposition of that fact at least by Wednesday prior to the game That way the opposition can
1 Issue a Declaration of " So are WE" !!

2 Conditional Surrender : we'll play until three quarter time then go home early

3 Unconditional Surrender :Have the four points We Wont turn up as we are getting ready for the FREO Game in a couple of weeks

Hope this helps as it has helped me !

And for the worst game Try a baseball game played in Ballarat in the snow : the only time I have worn thermal underwear tops and bottoms while playing sport !

Or Baseball as well when Caulfield 3rds played Melbourne 3rds at the Albert Ground and Caulfield fielded for nearly an hour and a quarter straight before Melbourne had three outs in their first innings > My neck got sore watching the balls get hit over my head : yes I pitched for about half an hour in one innings after the usual pitcher collapsed with exhaustion... Game Time saved us from another innings

Gary Bourke
Rupanyup ( currently on top of the Horsham District Ladder


Date: Tue, 19 Jun 2001 09:38:29 +1000 From: Tim Goddard

Simon,

Worst footballing experience?

I BARRACK FOR GEELONG!!!!!!!

Do these numbers ring a bell? 89? 92? 94? 95?

How about these teams? Hawthorn? West Coast? Bulldogs?

Cheers

tim g


Date: Tue, 19 Jun 2001 14:07:56 +1000 From: Andrew Robertson

Your competition ignited a not so memorable moment in my Football career playing for the Hopetoun Devils against Berri-Culgoa in the then Southern Mallee Football league. Playing at Berriwillock we looked forward to displaying our skills on a rather balmy September afternoon at the ^²Berri^Œ Ground, especially when the days leading up to the game had been rather wet. Upon arrival my teammates commented on a rather pungent smell coming from the ground. Being in a primary production area we considered it to be a smell from a local piggery or slaughterhouse. Ten minutes into the game our fears were realised when scattered throughout the ground were the remains of the bodily excretions of bulls and horses- the result of Berri^³s first and last fund raising Rodeo a week earlier. ^²Pads^Œ often the sizes of Frisbees were found to be interrupting our ball bouncing skills, short passes and leading. I can still picture our spearhead; Moose falling over cow dung as he made a lead out from full forward. I distinctively remember the smell of the players in the change rooms at half time as we scrapped chucks of manure off our knees, arms and legs. Never the less in true Mallee style the game continued. By Tuesday the following week half the players were ill. Most due to infections brought about through contact of the excretion of bulls and horses. One of our players was even hospitalised.
After that any ground condition was deemed to be excellent!

Andy Robertson
Ballarat


Date: Tue, 19 Jun 2001 15:58:30 +1000 From: "Bishop, Brad"

Similar to what Harvs has described as his Wayne Brittain Award winner, the worst conditions I have ever seen at a game of football were when playing for Stawell against 1990s powerclub Minyip/Murtoa in the Wimmera Football League.

Most sports fans only get to see Central Park, Stawell when it is in its most pristine condition at Easter time, but I can assure that was definitely not the case two years ago for the match between reigning WFL premier Minyip/Murtoa and aspiring heir to the throne, Stawell. As great a ground as Central Park is, it drainage is not up there with that of the leading country Victorian sporting arenas, therefore leaving it susceptible to soggy conditions when hit by a couple of days of continuous rain.

This was the case leading up to the big clash between the Burras (M/M) and the Warriors (Stawell) and while the surface at the start of the day was of a soggy nature, it resembled nothing like what spectators were going to see during the main game.

Incessant rain (not of the drizzle variety) plus three matches prior to the day's main attractions rendered the ground appearing more like one of the town's other landmarks - Cato Lake - with puddles of water only being broken by a muddy mass that is a cricket pitch during the summer months. Everyone knows that the ball skids on in wet conditions, but that was not the case this day when the formation of puddles up to four of five inches deep saw the football just stop dead when landing in the middle of one of the water masses, much the same as a Sherrin would stop if it had of been kicked into the Wimmera River.

I am ably qualified to nominate this match as the game played in the worst conditions that I have ever seen because that is precisely what I did for all but five minutes of the senior game - watch. Selected in the side, I started on the bench and that was where I stayed until the final five minutes of the game, despite me pleading with the coach to give me a go because I felt I had an advantage over my rivals with the wetsuit pants I had on which are meant to protect dodgy hamstrings. The match may have been played in the worst conditions I have witnessed, but it remains one of the Stawell Football Club's finest performances in recent years, getting for a 4.8 (32) to 4.4 (28) win over the side that had won the previous three WFL flags.

Brad Bishop
Pascoe Vale


Date: Tue, 19 Jun 2001 21:22:51 +1000 From: mitchy babe skelly

the worst conditions I ever played in or seen were in an under 11's game back in 1995.
It was at Resevoir and it was woefull. the mud was green on the clubrooms wing and our hole team was afraid to go near it because the other team told us it was a surage leek. we lost the game and the coach said we probably lost our handbags in the mud as well. i think that or early this year at the mighty research park when it rained heavly and consistantly for 4 quaters. standing at full forward was giving me hypothermia as we were struggling.

mitch


Date: Tue, 19 Jun 2001 22:47:18 +1000 From: Luke Gillies

The wettest game of footyI can remember occurred in my first year of footy, i was playing tackers for Heatherdale against Park Orchards. Itraining windyfreezing, and I'd lined upina Back Pocket (one of the few positions in tackers footy that doesn't mean on the ball).

At3/4 time Heatherdale had kicked goal after goal, while Park Orchard didn't manage a single inside 50 let alone a point.

At three quarter time my clothes where soaking andI couldn't do up my shoe laces becauseI couldn't move my fingers. To make matters worseI hadn't had a kick,I hadn't even had a chance.Then our coached made a move that even Kevin Sheedy wouldn't dream of; "OK boys, to give a couple of kids a go I want every one to swap ends of the ground" eg Back Pockets swap with Forward Pockets etc, "You beauty!"I said think this would meanI'd almost certainly kicka goal. However it wasn't to be;

Park Orchards had only had 16 players, given that we had a few spare we gave the other mob a couple of players eachquarter, unfortunatelyI was standing in the wrong spot at the wrong time "Gillies, you can have a run for the other boys this quarter"

The opposition coach came to me "You boys seem to have kicked a lot of goals today,I think I'll put you in Forward Pocket" ...back at the wrong end of the ground

At the end of the day the scoreboard read;
Heatherdale Heaps . Heaps . Lots
Park Orchards 0 . 0 . 00

My stats 0 Kicks 0 Marks 0 Handballs 1 under 9 footballer contemplating his football future

Luke Gillies
Yarra Valley Old Boys


Date: Wed, 20 Jun 2001 19:28:46 +1000 From: Michele Blight

Dear Simon,

Firstly, let me confirm once and for all I am a Roo Girl but I have an affinity for your coach for obvious reasons.

My worst day at the football occurred on July 3, 1993 at a place called Princes Park when a team called North Melbourne played another called Fitzroy. Interesting sidelight is that it is only 8 years ago and all three names technically have changed.

For reasons I can no longer remember, my mother and I were late. It was raining cats and dogs and despite there only being us and 13,032 of our closest personal friends, we could not get a seat undercover. We ended up sitting in the orange plastic bucket seats under the John Elliott Stand on the wing. We still had our umbrella up, again something that is not allowed 8 years down the track, and being the dutiful daughter I shared it with mum. This meant I was leaning to one side and unfortunately this meant I was sitting in water for the whole game.

It rained all day, we lost by one point, and John McCarthy played his one and only good game of his career against us having been swapped for John Blakey (we got the better deal there). After the game rather than going straight home to the far east suburbs we had already arranged to go to the Social Club for a meal. I changed clothes but as a result of sitting in water all day I still had a wet behind. No matter how long I stood next to the blow dryer in the ladies room my backside was still wet, and that was the way it stayed until I got home late that night.

At least I didn’t get wet at the 1998 Grand Final and by then I had seen my beloved Rooboys win a flag. That is why this game remains my worst day at the football.

Michele Blight


Date: Wed, 20 Jun 2001 15:16:27 From: stuart mcarthur

Dear Simon,

The worst game ever was the 1987 MCG Richmond/Swans Tony Jewell hair-tearing debacle.

The Tiges had just come off a thrashing by Collingwood by 1 goal after leading by 8 goals in the third, to go down to the Swans by 1 goal after leading by 8 goals in the third.

Halfway through the third quarter Capper, to our delight, was still kickless, then John Manton stuffed his kick-out, it went to Capper and he kicked his first goal of seven.

To create theatre, the AFL stretched the last quarter out to 36 minutes JUST to shepherd the Swans come-back trajectory a notch across the Tigers' flat-liner.

We got home to see Mal Walden chuckling as he introduced Channel 7's end-of-bulletin human interest grab, which was Tony Jewell doing Basil Fawlty in the coaches box.
From memory I think the voice-over went "CLAZY! Mr Tony - he go CLAZY!!"

The 11 o'clock news showed Juan Antonio Samaranch standing up and declaring "This Sydoney game has been the worst games ever!"

The worst game I've listened to was Richmond v AAAs, Arden Street, early nineties, when Jeff Hogg marked on the siren and lined up to win Richmond the game.

Rex Hunt said, "Hogg kicks, and it's THROUGH! It's a GOAL! Richmond wins by THREE points! The Tiges have broken the drought - they've finally SHAKEN the ARDEN STREET HOODOO!!
No, sorry, it's a point."

Regards,

Stuart McArthur

PS: Whatever you don't use I'll pass on to Jerry Seinfeld.


Date: Thu, 21 Jun 2001 09:48:39 +1000 From: Jac & Pete

Worst ever- 8.30am game on wintery saturday in 1959. Playing for McKinnon Demons under 9s against arch rival Bentleigh Bulldogs. COLD- it was so cold some of our mothers insisted we wearmittens.

FROST- never mind kicking the dew off the grass, this was likeiceskating.

FOG- it was so foggy that the ball just suddenly appeared out of the gloom. I was fullback and the opposition kicked 7 goals. I'm told their rover (one Greg Wells) kicked 6 of them, but I didn't see him all day, only the ball flying over my head.

Jac & Peter Kilgour


Date: Thu, 21 Jun 2001 13:50:20 +1000 From: KyselaO

Simon

1983. It was an overcast and blustery day in June. We were rushed into Victoria Park on the Blue Rattler (with the wood finish interior) from Watsonia Station on the Hustrbridge line for our home game against Melbourne. As captain, I was particularly keen for a win. I won the toss and elected to kick to the Freeway End. In front of 31,000, the bell sounded: Collingwood v Melbourne in the VFL match of the day.

As usual with 8 year old children, tactics and instructions were obsolete once we were out on the field. We lined up in our given positions, but that was the end of it. In the days where we played THE WHOLE LENGTH OF THE GROUND (Little League is not as tough as it used to be, but it is "getting faster"), once the ball was bounced, 36 kids (including 3 girls in our team) swarmed into the centre, and proceeded to rugby scrum around the flanks of Victoria Park for 15 minutes.

At half time, scores were locked at 0 0 0 apiece. We had the close one at Victoria Park. Then with only a minute to go, a little bloke with a helmet playing for Melbourne burst clear and fired on goal from 15 metres out. Knowing there was no more than a minute, he displayed the makings of the ultimate tactician and proceeded to dribble in a purposeful point, which was actually worth 2 goals, as he knew the Pies wouldn't be able to move the footy 160 metres to the other end of the ground in less than a minute, given we'd failed to do so in the previous 14 minutes. We could hear Peter Landy in the commentary box "That could be an important point".

The bell sounded, and it was 0 1 1 to 0 0 0, in what was a valuable 4 points away for the Melbourne side, and a truly shocking specatcle for everyone at the ground. I recall a member of the Collingwood cheer squad pleading with me to king hit the centre half back from Melbourne in the second half, but I only had eyes for the free Big M and pie back in the change rooms. The crowd went beserk, and threw chips at the victorious Melbourne team.

Oliver Kysela
Member of the 4 Game Club
Collingwood Liitle League Football Club


Date: Thu, 21 Jun 2001 18:11:35 +1000 From: Darren Brookes

Let me just set the scene, I was watching my brother play and it was the under 10's at Kinglake Oval. For anybody who knows anything about Kinglake realises that high in the mountain, the dew-kickers have the hardest playing time at all. It was raining, foggy and about 2 below the Roy Orbison (Big O)

The time, 8.30am on a Sunday August morning.

The 2 teams ran out, my brothers team was on top of the ladder. The rain persisted, not angular rain but vertical rain. The ball was thrown up. It took 6 minutes and a obvious dubious free-kick by the umpire who was wearing tracksuits pants and a wooly-jumper, to get the ball out of the clogmire that was the centre square. The rain continued to fall and the fog hadn't still lifted Then another 6 minutes passed before the ball reached 20 minutes out from the goal. The reason, the umpire in the woolly jumper paid another free-kick. By this stage it didn't bother the parents who were just glad to be sitting in the car with the heater on. The free kick recipient kicked the ball and a little "Fraser Murphy type" forward pocket marked the ball on the edge of the goal square. 3 minutes were left in the quarter. The FMT (Fraser Murphy Type) went back to shoot for goal. He ran in and kicked onto the man on the mark. The pack redeveloped. The woolly jumpered umpire than plucked out another free-kick for what was believed to be holding the man. How he came out with that decision with 8 kids rolling in the mud after the ball still astounds me to this day. The parents even disapproved of the decision and blasted their horn in frustration.

Then the siren went and this little kid was still only 6 metres out. He looked like a JGT (John Gastev Type). After lining up for an eternity for this kick he then, to everyones amazement decided to handball to the team-mate next to him.

15 minutes, 3 ordinary free-kicks, rain, fog and some very cold holdens later.

Score Kinglake 0.0.00 Yarrambat 0.0.00

Darren Brookes
Armadale


Date: Thu, 21 Jun 2001 09:00:49 From: Terry Ledwich

Dear Simon

I remember the worst footy condions that I played in I'll never forget .I represented the formly Southern Mallee football league in the under 13's against Horsham District league at a town called Kalkee.The day was a real shocker,it was pouring rain,freezing cold and windy.When we were getting changed in the room in the footy sheds,there was a very small bar heater that we gathered around.Needless to say that was our warm up before the game .When the game commenced there wasn't much joy ,I was at full back and all I remember is the ball sailing over my head quite a few times through the goals.The most popular postion on the ground was the bench we tried at the end of each quarter to get on the bench but the coach said NO.We even tried barginin with the other kids on bench and they said No. It was pretty tough getting a kick and when you fell over the ground was abit icy which you really felt.We received quite a belting it wasn't the best matches to remember except for the rotten weather.I was one of about five representing our club and even now we all say that is the worst conditions we have played footy in.

Terry Ledwich.


Date: Thu, 21 Jun 2001 19:03:59 +1000 From: "Salton, Jeff"

Hey Simon what have I done to offend you (apart from send in some crappy entries)? You've read out worse entries than mine and pretended to laugh. Let me know what graft and corruption you prefer so that I can get back in the winner's circle. Love your work - Jeff from Kilsyth

Anyway, enough sucking up ...

A stinker of a game

When I was 14, I elected for the November draft in my local league and was picked up by Bullen United U16s after playing four seasons with Bulleen Templestowe (a veritable powerhouse in junior footy).

Bulleen United was a new team with a new home ground that looked a picture. However, no-one mentioned that the reason it looked so lush and green was that it was built on re-claimed land that was originally the Bulleen tip.

On the first wet day of the season - one Sunday morning at 8.30am - we dew-kickers arrived to see the groundcovered with huge puddles.

But it wasn’t until we ran out onto the ground that we noticed the smell.

Boys from our team began to complain about the stench. Boys from the other team made cutting remarks like:“ your ground stinks– you all stink, too”.

We quickly retorted with barbs like:“ yeah, well so do you”.

The real trouble began when the umpire threw the ball up. It wasn’t long before we experienced first-hand that the puddles had a distinctive‘ septic’ smell about them. They sure didn’t taste too good either if you were an‘ up and under’ player like me. Soon no-one wanted to even bend down and pick the ball up out of the stinking water. At the start of the second quarter, when the rain began again, we opted to soccer the ball from one end to the other.

As a player, it was a shocker. As a spectator– far worse.

We kids got used to the smell after a couple of games. My mum didn't. She complained to the coach that any cuts and scratches I got during wet games at the ground took around 2-3 weeks to heal.

I got less game-time after that. Thanks mum!

Jeff from Kilsyth


Date: Thu, 21 Jun 2001 21:17:14 +0700 From: Wards in Thailand

Living in Bangkok and now that Aus TV and delayed footyhas notbeen on the box sinceRound 1, we rely upon anything from home to keep the large contingent of pigskin starved fanatics at bay.

The hottest ever game I've witnessed was a game here last year between the home side, the Bangkok Tigers (resplendent in the black and gold) and thevisiting Saigon Saints. The game was played on an elongated soccer pitch with bamboo poles for goals. An ex ump had been flown in and did a sterling job as the 15 a side teams scuffed the dust on the rock hard turfin temperatures around the customary 35-38 degrees and 80% humidity.

Even the ice-cubes in the beer were sweating.

Some excellent skills displayed considering the hammering the boys had taken at the hands of the local night clubs the evening before, eventually saw the Tigers comfortable winners, the only downside being a dislocated shoulder that no-one knew how to put back in.

Still he could hold the beer with his other hand.

Marcus Ward


Date: Fri, 22 Jun 2001 09:00:01 +1000 From: "Anniss, Angela (VIC)"

WORST GAME
St Kilda V Hawthorn 1999 Biggest comeback ever
As a saints supporter at that game, I witnessed the greatest example of how a day can turn sour without warning. Quotes taken from me at various times during the game, have been repeated to me ever since by my hawk supporter mates present that day.

*1st Quarter : ( Saints pile on the goals ) "Oh its too easy " & "C,mon saints percentage" & " Why do you lot persist with that Chick and that Rawlings they'll never be any good".

*2nd Quarter ( Hawks goal but still trail by 57 pts ) " Yeah! Cmon you lot, Woo Hoo, Yeah- we're still in it!!!" *Half-Time ( Hawks looking better but still way behind ) " Lucky we're only playing Hawthorn, a good side would've punished us for slacking off then ".

*3rd Quarter ( Hawks pile on the goals ) - No recorded comments, apparently just staring fiercely at Saints coaching box. Anger building!

*3rd Quarter ( Hawks within 3 points as a Saints (Time on) player goes down holding his head after being struck high ) "Good, I hope it hurt! Serves yourself right, now you know how I feel".

*3 Quarter Time - I already know we're going to lose, I sneak down to the bar to try and quench my disgust. But of course the Waverley Park bars have shut 3 seconds after the æ time siren.

Steve Anniss


Date: 21 Jun 2001 19:33:05 MDT From: michael hogg

as simon did not say it had to be a footbal game i am going to produce eltham c grade v riverside c grade in the diamond valley c.a. from 99/00. we batted first and as it was my first game i batted 10, made a couragous and defient 8* while we made about 250. next week amid 5 or 6 rain showers we had them for about 8/120 when the no.10 came in and decided to blast us all over the ground and make a ton and give them a 2 wicket win. i came on late in the day and my figures read (first game in c grade) 1 over, 0 maidens, 17 runs, 0 wickets. the over went like so...6,4,6,1,0,0. last 2 balls were dots so the no.10 could stay on strike for next over!

worst game ever would have been when we played lalor in the under 13's, lost by about 150 points and while playing full-back, kept the full-forward goalless in probably the only ever performance noted because they kept kicking it over my head.


Date: Fri, 22 Jun 2001 12:33:30 +1000 From: Ron.Collins@txu.com.au

The most boring footy match I ever went to (apart from the 1998 Grand Final). was the Demons V Brisbane Bears game at "The Thunderdome" - VFL park, in 1989. The game was so boring I cannot even remember the correct year.

The Bears played a game of keepings-off, & even resorted to circuit training, using approx. 250 handballs for the game (I believe it is still a record !) to keep the footy away from the Mighty Demons.

The game was a perfect example of reverse herring-bone footy initated by Geelong in the 80's. & it even bored the Demons stickers of the 4 wheel drives. It was a shocker.

Ron Collins


Date: Fri, 22 Jun 2001 13:41:49 +1000 From: Matt Cronin

I cannot decide which game is the worst I have seen. It is a toss up between a game in which each team had 40 scoring shots or a game in which full feminine nudity was observed. These two highlights are not something that you would usually associate with bad games, however as always, there is a story.

The first game was the 1972 grand final where although the Tigers kicked the highest known score in a grand final, 22 18 150, they were still beaten by a team whose name I still cannot utter. Being only 8 at the time and having endured the replay of the drawn 2nd semi final, I left the "G" in floods of tears and disillusionment, for all the "experts" said we would win and 8 year olds were so very trusting back then.

The second game was the 1982 grand final when again the same team inflicted defeat on the Tigers. Once again the "experts" said we would win but alas we didn't. The tigers had just got back on track after McConville had savagely kicked Bruce Tempany's arm in two and were heading for victory, when the naked woman appeared and the tigers lost the plot. Being 18 at the time I didn't cry, however sadness was replaced by anger and it was lucky that no supporter from the other team "got in my face" as I left the "G". Mind you the game for the tigers could have been lost at the Thursday night selection meeting when the tigers opted for the high paced, quick thinking backline of - Strachan, Martello, Dunne.

Matt Cronin


Date: Fri, 22 Jun 2001 15:01:20 +1000 From: Adam Ellerton

Hi Coodabeens,

Us Collingwood supporters have seen some bad conditions at time but the worst conditions I have experienced was after Lockett kicked his 1300th goal and after the game being surrounded by Sydney supporters where the precitpitation was exactly coming from the sky.


Date: Fri, 22 Jun 2001 17:06:36 +1000 From: "BULL,TRAVIS (HP-Australia,ex2)"

Entry By: The stop radio personalities getting there noggins on covers of weekly periodicals action faction (Alias Travis Bull from Surrey Hills)

The worst conditions I ever experienced was one July night at Waverly Fitzroy were playing the blues.

It was about 6 degrees but that wasn't the problem, the problem was it wasn't raining when we arrived, nor was it raining when the players ran out. The fun began when the siren rang to start the game. As soon as it sounded down came the rain.

It rained all quarter till the siren for quarter time sounded then it stopped. Then it started on the siren again.

I kid you not at the sound of the half time siren the rain stopped giving the 36 young little boys near perfect conditions. What a game that was too, I think Fitzroy little league beat Carlton 1 goal to 1 point.

You guessed it when the siren rang to start the 3rd quarter it rained again, and unfortunately persisted until the final siren rang, when if by magic it stopped.


Date: Fri, 22 Jun 2001 19:29:10 +1000 From: Andrew McKie

The worst conditions I ever played in was in a Year 7 or 8 match for St. Joseph's Geelong (I am one of the few alumni from there who definitely couldn't play) against St Bernard's Essendon (at St Bernards)in the mid seventies. There was not a blade of grass visible as the whole ground was under 6 inches of that thick blu-tack like Merri Creek loamy mud. I recall getting a kick (one of the few), watching it lodge downfield end up in the glue, and being so far in the clear (the only time ever) that I was able to run down, gather it, and roost it another wobbly 15-20 metres. This game was particularly memorable for the fact that the ball must have weighed some incedible amount late in the game as our goalsneak forward pocket Warren Fitzgerald actually failed to make the distance from a free kick paidinside the frontedge of the goal square; and for the umpire, Br. Gerry Bennett (who was teaching at Joeys at the time- strange coincidence) actually paying somewhere between 8-12 consecutive fifteen metre penalties in a row as the St. Bernards coach became increasingly apoplectic over a 'tiggy touchwood' paid to us; as each new swear word was emitted, another 15 was paid. I also remember coaching the Bacchus Marsh Under 12's in about 1987 to an inglorious shellacking by North Ballarat at that wonderfully open, unprotected NorthOval (in temperatures that could best be described as 'extremely cool'), heavy fog and persistent snow.

Andrew McKie


Date: Fri, 22 Jun 2001 18:55:49 +1000 From: Jeffrey Ferguson

I refer to your request for information regarding the worst ever football conditions. There is of course only one incident that can ever be related in regards to the extremes to which you infer.

I mean seriously Simon, I bring your mind back to the game held about 2 years ago when the Ravens were playing some inconsequential team in Adelaide and the Chardonnay ran out at half time. HALF TIME!! I mean, are we stooping so low as to be some 3rd world country like Melbourne!! Are we? Thankfully someone in the coaching staff had the good sense not to tell the Ravens until after the game, so anarchy was prevented and the Ravens only lost by 87 points, but really, how are we expected to support the lads under such appallingly uncivilised conditions.This is the sort of thing I would expectof something organised by Mr Leonard, not in a world leading cosmopolitan such as Adelaide.

I was fortunate enough to have several cases of our wonderful Chateau Bediga Sparkling Port in the boot of my Jaguar and was able to get these into the rooms just as the game finished it's final chukka, so the situation was not a total human disaster, but really, humanity has rarley come so close to retreating back to the dark ages.

Barry
Chateau Bediga
Barossa Valley


Date: Fri, 22 Jun 2001 12:54:15 From: Damien Joyce

Willaura U'16s V Dunkeld u'16's, Willaura Recreation Reserve, 1994.

The Saints hosted the Kangaroos at the "Sandpit", as I liked to call our home ground.

Never before have I seen the quarter time siren so welcomed, nor have I seen players so keen to go to the bench. As the quarter neared the end players positioned themselves close to the bench, so that when the siren went they could run to the bench and enjoy the warmth of it's corrogated iron goodness. It was raining so hard you couldn't even tell it was raining, just looked like fog, such was its consistency, and youcould definitley feel it.


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