The OzRock First XVII

The Coodabeen Champions Competition

Round Ten

"Pistol shots ring out in the barroom night..." , sounds like yet another argument about the best 10 Australian pop songs of all time has got out of hand. For this week's competition we asked you to settle this once and for all, by naming, from the Backline, a First XVIII of OzRock and Pop.

Send your entries to competition@coodabeens.com.au

Date: Sat, 2 Jun 2001 15:25:49 +1000 From: Spa-country

THE ROCK TEAM

BACKS
Back Pocket Rick Brewster (Angels) Rock of Gibraltar, never moved while playing. Opposition wont budge him.
Full Back Graham (Aunty Jack) Bond To ugly for any opposition forward and cant wait to see the team song sang in drag
Back Pocket Ross (Daddy Cool) Wilson Consistently good over the years with different lineups
HALF-BACKS
Halfback Flank Bon (ACDC) Scott Played hard and to long for his own good. Makes it on reputation alone.
Centre halfback Doc (Angels) Nelson Played up front for years but was the backbone of the team
Halfback flank Johnny O'keefe Crashes through brick walls and survives, unstoppable passion.
CENTRES
Wing Stevie (Easybeats) Wright In his hey day, always had Friday night on his mind.
Centre Paul Kelly Plays it straight down the line and always on song. One of the best we have.
Wing Billy Thorpe Lock up your daughters and come see him play.
HALF-FORWARDS
Half forward Joe Camilleri Prolific performer, humble man always available for session work
Centre half forward Peter (Oils) Garrett Too much spring and bouncing around for opposition to contain
Half forward John Farnham Was gone early on, but back bigger than ever. A crowd pleaser
FORWARDS
Forward pocket Greg Champion Has kicked a hundred goals in the backyard at mums. Been up country for a while
Fullforward Warrick (shorts) Capper Rockstar looks with a wife who should be at club functions
Forward pocket Michael (Inxs) Hutchence Has the ability to hang in the air for a screamer but only once a lifetime
FOLLOWERS
Ruck Ian (Pee Wee) Wilson A tall dinosaur who stood the test of time, very good deep down low
Ruckrover Jimmy Barnes Able to handle the job as a team member or on his own. Pace setter for end of year trip.
Rover Angus (AC/DC) Young School boy prodigy, always looked the part in shorts
BENCH
19th Man Kevin Borich Would make it into any line up, has the talent.
20th Man Daryl (Sherbet) Braithwaite On the bench in case Capper pulls a G-String, needs that early form of the 70's.
PRESIDENT COACH AND HELPERS
President Tony Barber Able to tell the board when the teams in trouble "Lets go shopping"
Coach Slim Dusty True Performer who hasn’t made a bad move and is the "Jock McHale" of the industry
Runner Red (Skyhooks) Symons Give the crowd what they want. An opposition player may run through him
Cheer Squad Chrissie (Divinyls) Amplett Something to get the boys on the boil, Fishnet stockings and schoolgirl outfit.
Orangeboy Nathan Cavaleri Just needs the part-time job till he makes it, could be here a while.

Dale Callahan

Date: Sat, 02 Jun 2001 16:29:11 +1000 From: Julian Toohey

BACK POCKET. peter garett, hardworking effcient, looks intimidating, similar mould to milham hanna
FULL BACK. the cast of popstars rotated, in the collingwood back line mould of the late 90's, have one good game (song) and we think we have the next superstar, then never heard of again.
BACK POCKET. (insert a drummer here), never recognised, yet bloody important in the scheme of things, would make a good coach
HALF BACK FLANK. nickywebster, small young, first round draft pick, possibly the next superstar, but we will be waiting 10 years before theymature
CENTRE HALF BACK. in the days ofpart time centre half backs, due to the recent decline of genuine strong men occupying the position, a mock singer, someone totally unfamiliar to their role would sufice........terence trent darby with inxs
HALF BACK FLANK.lenny kravitz, (joel smith) good a few years ago, wilderness for years, the finally comes back with new haircut and songs (jumper) and has got people interested again
WING. in the history of wingmen, whose speach can't be translated, ie dipper, james reyne is the perfect wingmen, whose singing ability is never questioned, but it is damn hard to understand what they say
CENTRE. someone from the jackson 5 (see, johnson 5. jason, chris, ben, mark and wayne)
WING. chris franklin, who is famous for singing bloke and mullet, has a haircut which is a dead ringer for that of doug hawkins sported in the late 80's, enjoys a beer.
HALF FOWARD FLANK. easy position, gets all the cheap goals, doesn't work hard, jimmy barnes, as he reworked a few cover versions of 60's songs in one of his albums and probably made a packet.
CENTRE HALF FORWARD. the 'KING'............. of australian popular music, john farnham, only problem is he may show up at arden street
HALF FORWARD FLANK. denis walter????? don't ask why
FORWARD POCKET. ronnnie burns
FULL FORWARD. to fit the full forward of last year matthew lloyd, who plays with grass a lot, jason donovan who used grass to lift performance
FORWARD POCKET. the smiling assasin, darren bewick would be replaced by the smiling darrel somers who would want his career to go on a year longer, but be forced into retirement
RUCK. peter spiderbait everitt self explanitory
RUCK ROVER. in between a rover and a ruckman, can't mix them, as the rocky horror show found out, trying to mixrock with opera
ROVER. john diesel 'williams' shares a name with greg, so it can't be bad or could it...
BENCH. angry anderson for doing laps around the boundary at waverley, as those also on the bench do.

julian toohey

Date: Sun, 03 Jun 2001 10:12:38 +1000 From: Cheryl Critchley

BACKLINE: Angry "we can't be beaten" Anderson, Bon "it's a long way to the shop if you want a sausage roll at half time" Scott, Doc "take a long line" Neeson. Trial by video might reduce their effectiveness slightly, but their looks and attitude would put Mick Martin to shame.
HALF BACKS: Barry Ion (ex-Footscray player who became an Adelaide radio jock and had a hit in 1981 with "Bite Your Bum"), TISM for their song "The Mark that Jezza Took", Paul Kelly for his "Leaps and Bounds" to the MCG.
CENTRE LINE: Shirley Strachan, for all those Richmond fans (me included) still living in the 70s, Graham Bond (not the ex-Richmond player and 3AW statsman but AUNTIE JACK). If annoyed by opponents would simply "rip their bloody arms off", Jim Keays, who played on the wing half-forward flank for the Norwood Colts in the SANFL before joining the Masters Apprentices.
HALF FORWARDS: Nicky Elvis Winmar, Peter Garrett (is 6 foot five, has the trendy bald hair cut and a face to scare any opposition player), Ronnie Burns (the singer).
FORWARDS: Mark "I'm an Individual" Jackson, Peter "didn't I have a single in the early 1970s while hosting Hey Hey It's Saturday?" McKenna, Warwick "I had a shocking film clip on Countdown in the 1980s" Capper (Capper also gets in for his rock star looks).
FOLLOWERS: Brendon Gale (Trial by Video), Bob Downe (energetic dance moves could translate well on the field but the possibility of his hair getting messy could prove a problem), Lionel Rose (boxing skills could make him a good tough little onballer but more importantly for his two hit singles in 1970, I Thank You and Please Remember Me).
INTERCHANGE: These two aren't exactly the best physical specimens but: Chris Bailey for calling his band The Saints and recording a song called "Idiot Blues" Paul Stewart from the Painters and Dockers, whose band recorded a song called Docklands in 1990, whose prophetic lyrics included: "Build a young professionals place, It's good for the city so they tell us, What about the mugs who are poor, You should step through their front door". Couldn't have said it better in 2001.
OMITTED: John Paul Young (Yesterday's Hero) Most rock stars from the 60s and 70s for failing the drug test.
COACH: Johnny Young, for his singing and songwriting career and for keeping his Young Talent Team together for so long despite the lack of talent.
CLUB CHAPLAIN: Sister Janet Mead.

Go Tigers! Cheryl Critchley,

Date: Sun, 3 Jun 2001 13:48:29 +1000 From: malpearce

B
Bon Scott Peter Garrett Normie Rowe
HB
Chrissie Amphlett Ted Mulry Johnny O'Keefe
C
Kylie Paul Kelly John Farnham
HF
Angus Young Michael Hutchence Mark Holden
F
Shirly Strachan Daryl Braithwaite JPY
R
Beeb Birtles Harry Vanda, George Young
19th/20th
Christie Allen, Hans Poulson - (Ted Hopkins mould - one hit- impact players)
Coach - M. Meldrum

From Malcolm Pearce

Date: Sun, 03 Jun 2001 21:05:38 +1000 From: Sue Hoysted

As usual, the competition lends itself to cliches of every description. Therefore, despite the warning about including Russell Morris, here goes;

BACKS
Shirley Strachan Mark Seymour Red Symons
(A nuggety pocket, a solid defender and a talented but erratic playmaker.)

HALF BACKS
Johnny Young Angus Young John Paul Young
(My team's answer to the Johnsons)

CENTRES
George Young Johnny Diesel Angry Anderson
(Another "Johnson" plus a player skilled with his hands and a tough nut.)

HALF FORWARDS
Harry Vanda Max Merrett Greedy Smith
(A high flier, another hard man and if you can't have "Hungry" this must be the next best option.)

FORWARDS
Pee Wee Wilson Stephen Cummings Ross Wilson
(Despite the evidence of Optus Oval, I still think this line can work.)

RUCKS ROVER
Billy Thorpe Russell Morris Little Patty
(I know they're not tall, but they're real goers.)

19th AND 20th MEN
Johnny O'Keefe Michael Hutchens
(Suffering from injuries that stop them running out a full game.)

COACH
Michael Gudinski
(The supercoach of Australian Music)

RUNNER
Ian Meldrum
(No player would object to what he tells them because every message would be incomprehensible.)

PRESIDENT
Peter Garrett
(Could be relied upon for a big statement on any slow news day.)

Greg Hoysted
Benalla

Date: Mon, 4 Jun 2001 00:23:16 +1000 From: Darren S. Lethaby

Very tough team to pick, much like an Essendon side with no one injured, in so far asevery one of the 45 players could be a starter on the day. In the end, selectors had to go with a balanced combination vis-a-vis strength and experience.

First off, the backline:

Little River Band (Help Is On Its Way) John Farnham (You're The Voice) Hunters & Collectors (Throw Your Arms Around Me)

Good, solid strength in the backs there, with Farnham - the old soldier - as the linch pin at Full Back. Bags of experience between them.

The Half Backs:

Max Merritt & The Meteors (Slippin' Away) Ted Mulry Gang (Jump In My Car) Sherbet (Howzat)

Once again, a wealth of experience to draw from. The Meteors and TMG can still manage some speed when moving forward after a turnover, and Sherbert just loves to show they're not just a cricket sure-thing.

The Centre Line:

Australian Crawl (Reckless) Cold Chisel (Bow River) The Angels (Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again?)

What can be said about these giants of the game that hasn't been said already? Any one of them would reign supreme in the lowest of teams and be a sure 3 votes for the ARIA - together they constitute a force to be reckoned with that will stonewall the most energetic of attacks.

The Half Forwards:

Skyhooks (Livin' In The 70s) Midnight Oil (Power and the Passion) Men At Work (Down Under)

A fine mixture of ever-young strength and old-fashioned common sense with Midnight Oil easily the Centre Half Forward of the century. Equally adept at slowing down the opposition or spearing an attack forward inside the Attacking 50 once the turnover has been brought forward from their own defence. As adaptable as they come and a real match winner.

The Forwards:

Divinyls (Pleasure and Pain) INXS (Original Sin) Daddy Cool (Eagle Rock)

True class is the only way to describe these three. INXS is a master at getting a lead on the opposition and taking those high-flyers in front of goal, while the Forward-Pockets are a prime position for Divinyls and Daddy Cool to shark those wayward kick outs. Never boring to watch and always a headache for the opposition.

The Followers:

AC/DC (It's a Long Way To The Top...) Johnny O'Keefe (Shout) Rose Tattoo (Bad Boy For Love)

Although some might say the true heart of this team, much like Carlton, don't have too many years left in them, there is still noopposing coach who can afford to underestimate this cadre of experienced campaigners. AC/DC and Rose Tattoo, although seemingly sluggish, time and time again seem to be in the right place at the right time with Greg Williams-like precision, all under the watchful and inspired tutelage of the Captain-Coach, the incomperable J.O'K Therewould not be a player in the team who has not been touched by theinsightful hand of this doyen of thecode - the quintessential 400-gamer of Michael Tuck vintage.

The Interchange:

Redgum (I Was Only 19) Mondo Rock (Come Said The Boy) Goanna (Solid Rock) Richard Clapton (Girls On The Avenue)

The starting bench for this match was perhaps the hardest to pick, with all 27 remaining players of the 45 on the senior list neck and neck for a position, and the expansion of the bench from three to four has only partially helped what was still a difficult decision. Ultimately, the variety of experience told in these selections, each one ready to contribute their own brand of play if required. Redgum's umpredictability, particularly, had a lot to do with his inclusion over others that might, on paper, have seemed more able, if not possessed of the same heart.

Honourable mention should also be made re: such up and coming greats as Silverchair, Powderfinger, The Cruel Sea and Regurgitator, who promise to give much when they finally make the transition into the senior ranks.

Darren S. Lethaby
Shepparton

Date: Mon, 4 Jun 2001 09:47:31 +1000 From: andrew

coach
gerard healy nil rock connection butgerard is short listed for every vacant coaching position

b: angry anderson johnny okeefe bon scott
hb: billy thorpe big bob valentine molly meldrum
c: rick lum john farnham les gock
hf: shirley strachan pee wee wilson greedy smith
f: james reyne peter Mckenna doc neeson
followers: vanda young paul young
interchange: two blokes from the radiators

andrew grose
shepparton

Date: Mon, 4 Jun 2001 10:11:56 +1000 From: Glenn

Back line:

Jimmy Barnes - Mr Agro. some may have given him a more prominent role but I think we need a bit of agro down back.
Doug Parkinson - he's just big and ugly. He's no star, simply dependable.
Glen Shorrock - reliable, versatile and a cool head, should keep Barnesy under control.

Half Back Line:

Neil Finn - The Professor. The thinking mans footballer. Wise, creative, a visionary.
Denis Walter _ 3AW's own, size, stature, presence. Revered by teammates and opponents. Needs to take the next step.
Joe Camilleri - He never goes away, never has a bad run and understands "The Modern Game".

Center Line:

Todd McKenny - The Rookie. Has been given some tough gigs lately and has performed brilliantly.
Ross Wilson - The General, has influenced so many players and can still win a game off his own boot.
John Farnham - The play maker, give him the ball and watch him work his magic.

Half Forward:

Ronnie Burns - Tough, run through packs, gets the hard ball.
James Rayne - The Kid. Looks and talent. Rare commodities in themselves, this boy has both.
Shirley Strachan - Showy and maybe not a fit as he once was, but proof there is life before football.

Forward Line:

Jamie Redfern - Sneaky little man in the pocket, when he's hot he's hot. When he's not he's stone cold.
Bob Valentine - The Monument. first spotted as a youngster playing full forward for The Lonely Boys at The Chevron, has come on leaps and bounds. His height will worry all back lines, to say nothing about his looks.
Bon Scott - Mad Dog, the man not backman wants to mark. You want a bit of stick, he'll give you the whole branch.

Follower:

Peter Garrett - No1 Ruckman and designated "on the mark" stander. Those arm and hand movements have troubled many a kicker.
Brian Mannix - Because there's something about him that reminds me of Scott West.
Angry Anderson - The Tagger, makes Libba look like a, well.... Richmond player.

Bench:

Warrick Capper
Peter McKenna- legendary rock stars who have also played a bit of football in their time.
Mark "Jacko" Jackson

All the best,

Glenn from Newport

Date: Mon, 4 Jun 2001 13:58:31 +1000 From: Troy_Severino@ansett.com.au

Simon,

Thankyou for the opportunity to consider the footballing potential of the suite of Aussie Rock Legends, good blokes and superstars.

This is what we have come up with:

>From the backline:

Angry Anderson Colin Hay Jon English
Ted Mulry Peter Garrett Jimmy Barnes
Ray Burgess Johnny O'Keefe(c) Reg Mombassa
John Paul Young John Farnham Glenn Wheatley
Angus Young Greedy Smith Michael Hutchence

Ruck: Pee Wee Wilson
Ruck-Rover: Shirley Strachan(vc)
Rover: Bon Scott

19th Daryl Braithwaite(vc); 20th Jamie Redfern

Coach: Molly Meldrum
Skills Coach: Donnie Sutherland

Team Psycologist: Kamahl

Theme: Bound For Glory

We feel it's a balanced team of Mullets, Pretty Boys and Hard-nosed Backmen. JO'K has been named captain and we have named two Vice Captains (Shirl and Daryl) because they'll fight it out for the No 1 position when JO'K retires.

Some team notes:

Angry is that nuggety back pocket type, Jon (Roger Merret) English will pick up the resting ruckman in defence, Peter Garrett is that Dean Wallis sort of CHB, Reg Mombassa has been selected on the wing because his name rhymes with Phil Manassa, Glenn and John work as a team in the forward line with Glenn benefiting from John's good work, JPY is the quintessential HF Flanker, Ray Burgess is a winger in that Geoff Raines/Ray Byrne mould, and Pee Wee Wilson is the Justin Madden/SeanRehn/Spider Burton like tap ruckman. Jamie Redfern selected as the Trevor Barker type - although he could also be Teddy Hopkins in a dark hair disguise. Michael Hutchence is a good foil in the Forward line although he does tend to hang around the packs (sorry!). And we love the thought of Greedy Smith at Full Forward if only for his name.

Bon Scott, Angus Young or Johnny O'Keefe could all be Brett Ratten and I've never seen Shirley Strachan and Scott Cam-po-re-al-e in the same room together. I know they don't look the same, but they play the same.

The Scobie Beasley Appreciation Society
(aka Tad and Troy)

Date: Mon, 4 Jun 2001 14:44:50 +1000 From: Bill Hall

FROM: RICHARD HALL (Not Bill!) 1/125 Park Road Cheltenham

BACKS:
Nick Cave Richard Clapton Bongo Starkey
HALF BACKS
Bon Scott Pete Wells Angry Anderson
CENTRES:
Mark Holden Glenn Shorrock Les Gock
HALF FORWARDS:
The blonde chick out of Cheetah Billy Thorpe The brunette chick out of Cheetah
FORWARDS:
Juno Roxas Lobby Lloyd Shirley Strachan
RUCKS:
Doug Parkinson, Johnny O'Keefe, Angus Young
INTERCHANGE:
Barry Gibb, Maurice Gibb, Robin Gibb, Andy Gibb
COACH:
Molly Meldrum
ASSISTANT COACH:
Johnny Young
RUNNER:
Dave Warner
FOOTBALL MANAGER
Coxy from the Roxy
HEAD TRAINER:
Greedy Smith
CLUB PRESIDENT:
Michael Gudinski
GROUND ANNOUNCER:
Donnie Sutherland
Notes:Cave to pick up the 2nd tall forward, & change in ruck with Parkinson Holden to playloose man in defence, if half back line will let him
Prediction: 523 people will select Paul Kelly and/or Stevie Wright
407 people will select Mark Jackson, Warick Capper, Peter McKenna or combinations thereof

Date: Tue, 5 Jun 2001 09:40:28 +1000 From: Peter O'Sullivan

OzRock and Pop First XVIII
(the not so easy beats)

Full Back Billy Thorpe (Billy Thorpe and the Aztecs)

Centre H/Back: Keith Lamb (Hush)

Centre: Jim Keays (The Master's Apprentices)

Centre H/Forward: Frankie J Holden (OL'55)

Full Forward: Lobby Lloyd (LL and his coloured balls)

Ruck Peter Garrett (Midnight Oil)
Ruck Rover: Ted Mulry (Ted Mulry Gang)
Rover: Angry Anderson (Rose Tattoo)

19th man Brian Johnson (AC/DC)
20th man: John Farnham (for his LRB work)

Coach: Harry Vander (Vander & Young)

Peter O'Sullivan
Gisborne

Date: Tue, 5 Jun 2001 14:51:10 +1000 From: Tadeusz_O'Biegly@ansett.com.au

Dear Simon & Coodabeens,

Tapped into a wealth of 'nearly' , 'nearly forgotten' & 'soon to be' OZ Rock legends for the team

>From the 'Back -in- Black' line

B : Max Merrritt Billy Thorpe Frankie J Holden
HB: Brian Cadd Renee Geyer Rob Hurst
C: James Freud Paul Kelly (VC) Brian Mannix
HF: Mark Holden Barry Crocker Ross Wilson
For: Ross Hannaford Jason Donovan James Reyne
Foll: Nick Cave Mark Seymour
Rov: Stevie Wright (C)

19th: Air Supply/ Pseudo Echo (tag team)
20th : Marty Rhone

Coach : Archie Roach (rhymes with Coach)

Guy with clipboard, whiteboard markers & stats : Glenn A Baker

POINTERS: As you can see, Stevie is captain Goal to goal: They can't be beaten - Nothing will get past Renee Paul Kelly is a given for the centre Crocker is the focal point down @ goal as we can't see Jason doing much (of late) Cave & Hannaford change for smokes in the forward pocket & Stevie/Brain Mannix do so on the wing

Couldn't squeeze Marty into the 18 but surely he'll come on @ 1/2 time (complete with denim shorts) after Marky Holden is carried off very injured

Overall, a mixture of new up-& -comers and old hands that could well be a breeding ground for elevation into the Seniors

The idea of having Air Supply & Pseudo Echo tag teaming could well throw the opposition into a tizz (much like it did with the fans in the mid 80's)

Cheers
Love & Other Bruises

Date: Tue, 5 Jun 2001 15:49:33 +1000 From: colin buckley

The philosophy in picking the team:

Backline - must be hard playing, hard rocking, hard at the ball and be hard at the social functions

Midfield - class acts who can perform and entertain on the world stage or at an Australian suburban oval

Rucks/Rovers - a team which is an engine room and can team together

Forwards, the pretty pop idols who run around looking good especially after kicking a goal ( their high fives would be choreographed by John Farnham based on his microphone technique)

Interchange - only to use when the game is either well won or lost

Backs: Select any six from the following groups who originate from all states: Lobby Lloyd and the Coloured Balls ( why isn't Liberate Rock played on that Golden hits station?), Buffalo ( Sydney heavy metal ), Saints (stranded in Brisbane), Sid Rumpo ( South Australia pub rockers), Chain, AC-DC (I like Angus Young as the cheeky backpocket), Dave Warner ( WA band of the Suburbs) Jimmy Barnes and that lead singer from Madderlake. Their communication down back would be bordering on Neanderthal.

Midfield

Wing - Silverchair ( one member) Centre - John Franham ( who else!!) Wing - Silverchair ( another member). The third Silverchair member is the ex-player on the coaching panel who was struck down with a knee injury after 50 games.

Forwards

Any six from Daryl Braithwaite, JP Young, Human Nature, William Shakespeare, Skyhooks ( Shirley Strahan as the cheekier forward pocket), Demi Hines, Zoot ( Rick Springfield as the high flier) and Joe Dolce ( he would be the practical joker / club man in the team).

Rucks/Rovers - a team who would run all day, team well together and could link in with the pretty forwards and the hard nuts in the backline - Midnight Oil members led by the tall imposing Peter Garrett.

Interchange - the 4 Wiggles. I especially like Geoff who would be always falling asleep on the bench. They could even have their own coloured jumpers.

Coach - An old fashioned coach - Brian Henderson. He wouldn't know a lot of the younger players but he knows talent when he sees it.

Colin Buckley
Chelsea Heights Victoria

Date: Tue, 5 Jun 2001 16:17:08 +1000 From: Matt Laing

Aussie Rock Stars verses Essendon F.C.

This is a side that would beat Essendon as long as the following instances occur. When the Rock Stars kick a point - Dustin Fletcher will attempt to kick it back in to Sean Wellman. At this point in time Peter Garrett will closeline Wellmanthen proceed tolecture him on a very relevant issue such as reconciliation or the upcoming election which allows him to sneak his handpass to Misiti who is double tagged by Jimmy Barnes, Brian Mannix and a couple of empty bottles of bourbon. Whack! Down goes Misiti. Repeat dosage on Wellman, Solomon and Caracella. Game Over.
Anyway here is the team.

B. Brian Mannix Tim Rogers Shirl

HB. VikaBull Joe Camilleri Linda Bull

C. Farnsey Diesel Barnsey

HF. Angus Young Bon Scott Angry

F. Kylie Warwick Capper Jason (Donovan.remember him)

R. Peter Garrett Iva Lethal Wendy Matthews

Matty Laing
Yarra Valley Old Boys

p.s. I don't wish to whinge like that Kysela bloke or others in this comp, but where's my prize from a couple of weeks ago. Please don't tell me that thechocolate footy melted.

Date: Tue, 5 Jun 2001 10:05:07 +1000 From: Adrian Jackson

Here's my First XVIII, along with the footballers who inspired the positional choices.

Hope some of the physical similarities (eg, Chris Wilson, Scott Bamford) are obvious enough ; I've added some explanations (including song titles) where necessary. I know you said to keep it down to 20 players, but couldn't resist having a bit of fun with the 'extras'.

NB : You might argue that Dutch Tilders is blues, but he DID tour with The Bootleg Family in the early '70s.

BACKS PETE WELLS (Rose Tattoo) JOE CAMILLERI CHRIS WILSON Robbie McGhee Stephen Silvagni Barry Hall ("Hold On To Me")

HALF-BACKS BILL PUTT DUTCH TILDERS ANGRY ANDERSON Bruce Doull Paul Van Der Haar Mil Hanna (Never says a word, but (The Flying Dutchman) always there)

CENTRES DAVID REYNE ROSS WILSON JOHNNY O'KEEFE Kevin Ablett Craig Bradley Robbie Muir (Unsuccessful sibling) (Still going strong) ("The Wild One")

HALF-FORWARDS LES GOCK (Hush) JOHN FARNHAM JOE DOLCE Danny Seow James Hird Ian McOrist (Golden Boy) (One-hit wonder)

FORWARDS DARRYL BRAITHWAITE DOUG PARKINSON BILLY THORPE Tony Modra Doug Wade Doc Wheildon (Teenybopper idol) (The Fat Man !) ("Most People I Know...")

FOLLOWERS PEE WEE FROM JAMIE REDFERN ANGUS YOUNG THE DELLTONES 'Spider' Burton Timmy Watson Scott Bamford (Young Talent Time)

19TH IMMY BARNES Peter Moore ("There Ain't No Second Prize") 20TH STEWIE SPEER (Meteors) Mick Nolan

COACH : MICHAEL GUDINSKI Jock McHale (Been in charge forever)

ASSISTANT COACHES : THE MASTERS APPRENTICES PLAYERS' AGENT : GLENN WHEATLEY Ricky Nixon (Used to play, sort of)

UMPIRE : GRANTLEY DEE Kieran Nicholls (Could tap the white cane to let players know where he is)

CLUB PRESIDENT : MOLLY MELDRUM John Elliott (Always good for a quote when tired & emotional)

Date: Tue, 5 Jun 2001 21:17:39 +1000 From: John and Diane Lyon

We can't stop the music, and we definitely can't stop the footy! Therefore, we have put a side together that we feel would stand tall in any era of Oz Rock. Her we go, from the backline, complete with selection committee justification for each inclusion. Tough job, this one, but somebody just had ta do it...

B: Lobby Loyde Cash Backman Angry Anderson ( the Bones McGhie (a natural defender) (from the Terry Wheeler school of OzRock) of "outplaying" your opponent)

HB: Bill Boyd Rolf Harris (an intuitive understanding of each other's game...) (who better to have next to the "Two Little Boys"?)

C:Kylie Molly Meldrum Little Pattie (a songbird on the wing?) (the legend around whom the (see Kylie) whole team revolves...)

HF: Bon Scott Sister Janet Mead(Captain) Angus Young (the Yin to Centre Half (a direct line to goal!)(some more Yin) Forward's Yang)

F: Issi Dye Abigail - who else? John Farnham (Vinnie Catoggio-esque(leads from the front) (confident enoughin his own game goalsneak) not to be put off by the leads of the full - forward)

R:Peewee Wilson Lionel Rose Stevie Wright (the big fella with the (a tagging role...Pick Me Up...) (a brilliant career in Sydney) Stephen Kernahan voice)

19th: Chad Morgan 20th:John (lo Piccolo)St. Peeters (give him time to settle the mouthguard in...) (the boyCAN play, but for team balance all accordian players need to sit on the bench as long as possible!)

COACH: Slim Dusty (proven track record - the Jock McHale of Rock) With apologies for any names misspelt, we are humbly yours... John Lyon & Steve Messer

Date: Tue, 5 Jun 2001 23:01:53 +1000 From: Peter Bowers

Peter Bowers

Aussie Rocks Greatest

Full backs K. Borich L. Lloyd I. Rilen Hafey would have loved this line, no finessin here, no chipping across goal, no handballin. Just grab it run your full measure then straight down the guts.

Half backs D. Warner D. Neeson F.J. Holden (Just a half back flanker) (Just gets the nod ahead of the ` blanket A. Taysious)

Centre S. Wright N. Rowe R. Morris Wright, Rowe and Morris/ Rolls off the tongue like all great center lines. Rowe is good in the clinches where he doesn’t take a backward step. Wright the Friday night specialist, a prodigy in his younger days however his body is baring the scars of being introduced to the game at too early an age. Morris, the more go to player who uses his pace up and down the wing to great effect.

Half forward D. Cotton J. Farnham J. Little Farnham gets the nod after interchanging late with Glenn Shorrock (and wouldn’t he just love it). Cotton is all glamour but as one wise football writer observed“ if Daryl is Cotton then Jimmy is silk”.

Full forward G. Cox M. Holden B. Thorpe Should work beautifully with the fast leading Holden often a foil for Coxy to slip back into the square. Controversially Holden has recently been accused of being a protected species and a favourite of the umpires, loves pointing to members of the crowd after he scores (no relation to F.J.).

Followers D. Parkinson J.O Keefe B. Mannix The Wild One was a legendary ruckman in his day but these days would not be considered tall enough for the role- inventer of the boomerang kick. Mannix can be infuriating to opposition and umpires alike.

Interchange J Nichol, J Redfern, J Hurley, W Wilde and B Crocker (just so we can say ‘ He’s had a Barry Crocker’) Jimmy Nichol an interchange specialist, Redfern the young gun just their for the experience and Jade and Wilbur to add a bit of colour and oomph if needed.

Coach Red Symons Will be quick to drag any player not performing to his liking.

Date: Wed, 6 Jun 2001 13:07:52 +1000 From: "Burrows, Tony"

The OZ Rock Team of Champions

Backs
Tony "Boom Crash Opera" Liberatore
Stephan "Masters Apprentice" Silvagni
Michael "Slim Dusty" Tuck

HB:
Anthony "Savage Garden" Franchina
Terry " Bushwacker" Danaher
Garry "Ted Mulry" Hocking

C:
Michael "Daryl Cotton" Roberts
Sean "Kylie Minogue" McManus
Brett " Air Supply" Burton

HF:
Stephen " James Reyne" Kernahan
Wayne " J.O.K " Carey
David "Wa Wa Nee" Schwartz

F:
Chris "Hush" Tarrant
Shane "Supernaught" Loveless
Sav " Easybeat" Rocca

R:
Spider "Split Enz" Everett
Lance "INXS" Whitnall
Ted " Collette" Hopkins

I/Ch
Tony " Bee Gees" Modra
Robert " Smacka Fitzgibbon" Dipierdomenico
Darren " Peter Allan" Bennett
Peter " Joe Dolce" Riccardi

Coach: Kevin " Molly Meldrum" Sheedy

President: Eddie " Weddings Parties Anything" Maguire.

Tony Burrows

Date: Wed, 06 Jun 2001 05:04:20 From: stuart mcarthur

Dear Simon,

Since you wanted each Aussie rockstar's field position to reflect their musical merit, my team won't make sense without the following background-

It was the early/mid seventies and I had to book a band for our school social. The booking agent sent me a list of choices. To help me choose, two of the newer bands had been underlined as they'd been causing a sensation at the Ormond Hall dance nights. The two bands were Shadowfax and AC/DC.

The Form 6 social committee was split on the decision so it was down to my casting vote. I remember my exact words were, "Well, at least I've HEARD of Shadowfax."

In the three decades since, as I've watched with dismay the meteoric world ascendancy of the band I didn't choose, my subconscious has been able to master the obscure psychological defence strategy known as "cognitive dissonance", whereby memories of the band I DID choose have been glorified to such heights that when I now view them trough the retrospectoscope, I find I'm actually capable of congratulating myself on making a darned good choice.

That therefore is why my 'Aussie rock heroes' goal-to-goal line consists of the entire lineup of 70s supergroup SHADOWFAX!!!! ie. Ronnie someone, Jimmy someone, two Johnny someones and a bloke called Turtle.

Although for full-forward I might rotate Turtle with Darryl Cotton because he'd look good leaping Capper-like in the goal-square in his tight pink Zoot shorts. (not that I'm gay or anything)

Regards,

Stuart McArthur

PS. Also, Simon, I too am in discussion with lawyers. If as claimed you DO sometimes credit funny entries to the wrong authors, how come you've never credited any of them to me??? Is this some sort of prejudice? I'm JUST as worthy of getting unworthy credit as the next unworthy bloke. Is it because we pinched Danny Frawley? Yes I thought so. W.O.W.O.W. (ie. when oh when oh when) will you get over it?

- signed "Disgusted", North Fitzroy

Date: Wed, 6 Jun 2001 15:52:36 +1000 From: Chris Walkley

B: Mick Thomas Peter Garrett Paul Kelly

(Two reliable veterans of the scene in the pockets, led by rocks greatest defender at full back. He defends indigenous rights, the environment etc.)

HB: Angry Anderson Doc Neeson Chrissie Amphlett

(Three absolute tough nuts, will make the namby pamby half forwards earn every kick. Angry would be named captain so he could lead the side out each week, breaking through the banner in the Batmobile.)

C: Daryl Braithwaite Renee Geyer John Farnham

(The wingers are the 70's versions, both very pretty, flashy footballers, and Renee Geyer, like Greg Williams did, only improves with age)

HF: Slim Dusty John Williamson Johnny Chester

(The country connection, once raw boned recruits, these three are now wily vetrans, with that Terry Daniher laid back cheek.)

F: Vika Bull Olivia Newton John Red Symons

(Olivia like Darren Bennett, has made more $$$'s in the states than could ever be imagined in Melbourne, Red would be strutting about Phil Carmanesque, probably in pink boots, and the Bull sisters are rocks answer to the Krakouer brothers.)

FOLL: Bon Scott Jimmy Barnes Linda Bull

(Bon Scott in the ruck would elicit images of Crackers Keenan, and Jimmy Barnes would have definitely been the on-field general with a voice that could be heard even at Colonial at Hawthorn games)

Chris Walkley

Date: Wed, 06 Jun 2001 14:14:45 +1000 From: Tim Goddard

'I hate Pikies". I don't blame him really. But that's not the point, is it? This is. The First XV111 for the Australian Rockers ('Up the Rockers!').

B: Cattle Truck - knocked Pseudo Echo off from No. 3 on Countdown once, then retired. Would have kept Teddy Hopkins quiet. FB: Eucalyptus - Covers the 'hard nut' Red Gum week after week without so much as a thank you. B: AcDc - When things get a little pretty around the goals, Acca Dacca manifests in a physical sense the motto: ' If my opponent is on the stretcher, he cannot get a kick'.

HB: X - First round draft pick in '81. Never been beaten and loves the stage. Just back from a long suspension. Bad Boys for Footy. CHB: Nick Cave - Mullet wearing tall Goth who reeks of death. Ranging left foot and pointed elbows are his trademark. HB: Chris Wilson - Tough nut who excels against The Blues. Never Harps on being beaten as he never is.

W: Paul Kelly - loves to play at the G when it is cold (11 degrees)

C: Cold Chisel - Despite constantly wearing a three day growth and reeking of cheap wine, plays with reckless abandon.

W: Australian Crawl - When not hiding at the back beach or in the chalet at the snow, continually arches back and hits those packs, repeated blow by blow. Later at the post game, all the players rave.

HF: Crowded House - Uncanny ability to win game off own boot. Finally knows when he's right, for the first time in his life. CHF: Johnny (John) Farnham - Always gives a contest despite having his knockers. Personal trainer (Wheats) is accredited with much of his success. Has been linked to James Hird as they have never been seen in the same room together. HF: Chrissy Amphlett - Ads much needed toughness to the forward line. When alone, she kicks it to herself.

F: Daddy Cool - Daddy Who? Daddy Cool. Funky rockin' Daddy. FF: Air Supply - Always been targeted for abuse yet record (especially away from home) speaks for itself. Hated yet respected. F: Kasey Chambers - Just down from the Country with huge wraps. Struggles to get to some games as gets water in her fuel and her brakes are gone.

R: Renee Gayer - Never known to be beaten. Belts the ball out of the centre with gusto. RR: Marcia Hynes - Pioneer whose ball handling and control under pressure drew many others into the game. R: Kylie - Untouchable. Continually reinventing herself to keep up with the game. Barges through packs like a locomotion.

Coach: Molly Meldrum - amazing motivator whose masterful use of the English language can turn seemingly self indulgent rock stars into a cohesive and passionate unit. Keeps on urging his players to do themselves a favour.

Date: Wed, 6 Jun 2001 21:48:37 +1000 From: Craig Kipping WINNER

Trust this team would beat any new age boy group or SwedishEurovision winner:

BACKS: Bill Putt (Spectrum/Ariel) Billy Thorpe (Aztecs) Les Gock (Hush)

H/BACKS: Bon Scott (Valentines,AC/DC) Nick Cave (Birthday Party) Angry Anderson (Rose Tattoo)

CENTRES: Jeff Duff (Kush) William Shakespeare Ignatius Jones (Jimmy & The Boys)

H/FORWARDS: Normie Rowe John FarnhamRay Burgess

FORWARDS:John Paul Young Mark Holden Angus Young

RUCKS: Peter Garrett (Midnight Oil) Ted Mulry (TMG)

ROVER: Little Pattie

19th/20th Bobby and Laurie

COACH: Donny Sutherland

The defence is built around team players but with enough mongrel in them to trouble the best attack.Then comes oneof the more flamboyant centrelines of recent times. While up forward "The Voice" is the Carey of his generation. Mark Holden holds down the Modra position with aplomb and Angus Young would prove a lively choice in the pocket. The following division is led by the conscience of the side and is backed up by a veteran rover.

Though hat wearing others mayhave claims to the coaching role. My money is on Donny as he was a proven Saturday performer in his day.

Regards
Craig Kipping

Date: Wed, 06 Jun 2001 21:56:35 +1000 From: Mike H

Mike Honeychurch

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

>From the backline:

B: Colleen Hewitt, Helen Reddy, Marina Prior

Helen Reddy: I am woman, I'm hard at the ball, at full back I'm standing tall.

HB: Denni Hines, Marcia Hines, Wendy Matthews

Solid "foreign legion" half back line happy to play football without a helmet; although Denni Hines has perhaps failed to live up to early promise after being drafted under the mother-daughter rule.

C: Vicka Bull, Olivia Newton-John, Linda Bull

Olivia Newton-John: gets physical at the centre bounces and initiates many centre clearances to the raging Bulls running down the wings.

HF: Tina Arena, Debra Byrne, Jane Scali

Earlier known as the young talent team of half forwards but the form of Scali and Byrne has tapered off in recent times. Debra Byrne has possibly been distracted by a recent video charge.

F: Hugo Weaving, Terence Stamp, Guy Pearce; from Priscilla Queen of the Desert

A talented and creative forward line up who leave their opponents with their backs to the wall.

Foll: Renee Gayer, Natalie Imbroglia, Kylie Minogue

19th: Vanessa Amorosi: Talented youngster

20th: Julie Anthony: selected for her ability to fire up the team with a rendition of the national anthem

coach: Ian Molly Meldrum

manager: That bloke who looks like Paul Hogan

Date: Thu, 7 Jun 2001 09:42:43 +1000 From: "Treseder, Peter"

Simon,

The best way to put this team together is to look at the profile of each position and then match up the best candidate.

Back Pocket 1 - A tall to pick up the resting ruckman, an integral part of the team but has been confined to playing a second fiddle role. Has potential to do well if given a chance. - Ian Moss

Full Back - Straight forward no nonsense player with little, disliked or no personality, just wants to do his job done and cares for nothing else. - Red Symons

Back Pocket 2 - A nasty, tough looking small who is prepared to "snipe" the resting rover. - Bon Scott

Back Flank 1 - A big man with a ferocious look that puts fear in the mind of the opposing forward, not always the most skilled but always there when the call goes out for assistance. - Doug Parkinson

Centre Half Back - When things get tough you want this player to be able to meet the challenge head on and triumph time and time again. May not look like your typical player, but don't be deceived. The line up around him may change but his ability never fails. - Neil Finn

Back Flank 2 -- A player from the country, who has done it all, but never seems to go away despite their declining years. Still performing as if it was their first game - Slim Dusty

Wing 1 - A player who used to play in one position but moved to a position that better suited their future. Small, fast and sometimes described as a bit of a girl. - Kylie Minogue

Centre - The lynch pin or engine room of the whole team, the one who knows everybody, has played with everybody and can make the team successful or not with what he says and does. - Molly Meldrum

Wing 2 - Gangly, thin and tall player whose arms look too long to fit his body. Great enthusiasm and energy when playing. The cult hero of the team due to a bad run of injuries, leading to the chant "Am I ever going to see you play again?" - "Doc" Neeson

Forward Flank 1 - Flashy player with looks and the ability to perform in bursts, but has been known to lose focus and "disappear" at times. Must be able to "hook-up" well with the winger - Jason Donavon

Centre Half Forward - Your "go to" man, performs anytime and anywhere, proven history, can comeback again and again and again. The team's "pin-up" boy who is a role model for many and loved by all. - John Farnham

Forward Flank 2 - Cheeky with some talent, but more annoying than anything else. Someone you just want to give "one to go on with". - Brian Mannix

Forward Pocket 1 - Small, tough, nuggetty player who doesn't mind a bit of "biffo" and knows how to handle himself if things get willing. Prepared to do things that no-one had done before even if it was against the rules at the time. - Johnny O'Keefe

Full Forward - When you think of football, this player and his record are the first two things that come to mind. In anyone's top 10, still the benchmark for the wannabees of today. - Mike Brady

Forward Pocket 2 - Resting ruckman usually not in peak physical condition, size a most important factor. - Marc Hunter (ie the Micky Nolan look)

Ruck - Big man with plenty of energy and the threatening look of aggression. Capable of performing at full pace for long periods. - Peter Garrett

Ruck Rover - An average size player that can do it all and has done it all over many seasons. Not only performs as an individual but has produced his best at times for others. - Ross Wilson

Rover - Fast, small, usually very hairy and always talking in a voice that always seems to get under the skin of the opposition. Prepared to perform in ways that change how the game is played. - "Shirley" Strachan

19th Man - Knocking on the door for permanent selection, however is limited by the lack of communication skills with other players. - James Reyne

20th Man - The player needed to come off the bench and turn the game for his side. May never star again, but will always be remember for that one great game. - Joe Dulce

Coach - Someone who had a short career of their own at the top, however prefers to help others achieve greatness. - Vanda Ann-Young

Peter "Trash" Treseder

P.S. What has happened to Bill Furg this year?

Date: Thu, 7 Jun 2001 13:29:21 +1000 From: Darren Brookes

The ultimate OzRock and Pop Team Of The Century is listed below from the backline.

BP: The Seekers - old but experienced . Picked especially for big games FB: Cold Chisel - the honest defenders of rock tradition..No problem hearing the calls from the teammates coming out of the defence led by one J Barnes BP: Savage Garden - very soft which why the supporter loves to hate them

HBF: John Farnham - gets included as he is my mums favourite player CHB: ACDC - Tough as nails, dependable and still going strong after a near career ending incident HBF: Scandalo'us - young, exciting, can kick with both feet but you just know they won't get picked for a second game much like the rookie Bardot

W: Slim Dusty - just loves the wide-open spaces C: Bono - picked up on Ron Barassi's recruiting drive to Ireland W: Daryl Braithewaite - like Craig Bradley, just when you think he's on the verge of retirement he resurrects himself

HFF: Powderfinger - touted for the last couple of years as the next best thing however their form in the last year has improved out of site proving critics wrong CHF: Midnight Oil - Has an outspoken coach who likes to make his team travel on many trips in the Northern Territory. Great courage and always like a chat to the media after the game. Considering a position in the AFL commission after retirement HFF: Daddy Cool - Terrible on the track but been around a long time, fitness is a problem but keep their place in the side due to "previous performances"

FP: Jon Stevens - a late inclusion in the side FF: INXS - much like North Melbourne just not the same without the King in their side FP: Bardot - how did they get a game? You just can't touch 'em. Untouchables always play in the forward pocket

Ruck: Molly Meldrum - not really a player but still a footy legend. Is used by clubs to deflect gay rumours surrounding a member of the team. Guaranteed to play with passion and would definitely tackle hard from behind Rover: Angry Anderson: The obvious choice for first rover. Could be relied upon to play the Libbe role. Ruck Rover: Magic Dirt - tough as they come and go someway to dismissing the Geelong handbag theory. Maybe could use them as an on the ball tagger

The "Steven O'Dwyer" Fanclub

Date: Thu, 7 Jun 2001 16:17:19 +1000 From: Ian Williams

Backpocket: Slim Dusty

All remaining players are ineligible having returned positive drug test results.

Ian Williams

Date: Thu, 7 Jun 2001 17:24:28 +1000 From: "Walby, Andrew"

My first XVII of Oz rock and pop does not, unlike APRA's awards, include any New Zealanders (such as Neil Finn, Marc Hunter, Steve Gilpin, Max Merritt or Kevin Borich).

Back - Bon Scott - Lobby Lloyd - Angry Anderson (for "the batmobile incident")

I'd like to see Lloyd (the other one), Lucas and Hird get past these three tough buys of rock'n'roll. Bring back the tattoo to football, I say!

Half back - Doc Neeson (resting ruckman) - Billy Thorpe (will work well with Lloyd behind him, ie Lloyd kicks it to Thorpe who kicks it to.....) - Wheatley (the Ang in the "Ang and Kouta" pairing of Wheatley and Farnham, ie good mates who spend a lot of time together away from the game)

Centre - Steve Kilbey (for "Playing Under The Milky Way On A Saturday Night At Colonial With The Roof Open") - Daniel Johns (although he's looking a bit like David Bourke these days, ie not enough meat on him) - Tim Rogers (his support of AFL is well documented)

Half forward - Mandawuy Yunupingu (the Krakouer of the team) - Dave Graney (captain who would wear number 18 as he was crowned King of Pop) - Brian Nichol (lead singer of The Radiators; this team would break the house record at Colonial)

Forwards - Tex Perkins (for "Better Get A Lawyer Son As You've Got To Front The Tribunal On Monday Night") - Bernard "pretty boy" Fanning (he's young, good looking and the umpires...ARIA...love him) - John Farnham (aka Kouta...see Wheatley)

Followers - Peter Garrett (number one ruckman) - Angus Young (already wears the black shorts) - Stevie Wright (for "Friday Night Under Lights Is On My Mind")

Interchange - Nick Cave (the media-shy Robert Harvey of the team) - Jeremy Oxley (for "Happy Man" and "Alone With You")

Senior Coach - Ted Albert

Chairman of Selectors - Glen A.Baker

Club Doctor - Doug Falconer (drummer from Hunter & Collectors, because he really is a doctor)

President - Michael Gudinski (ie the "Joseph Gutnick of the music industry")

Runners - Mark Seymour, Dave Faulkner

Bootstudders - Slim Dusty, Johnny O'Keefe

Masseurs - Molly Meldrum, Chrissie Amphlett

Apologies to - Russell Morris - Paul Kelly - Jon Stevens - Chris Wilson - Barry Gibb - Michael Hutchence - Richard Clapton - Jimmy Barnes - Chris Bailey - Brian Cadd - Rick Springfield - Frankie J.Holden - Harry Vanda - George Young - Ross Wilson - Ted Mulry.....and many, many more!

Andrew Walby

P.S. I need my KLF CDs back for my upcoming 40th birthday!!!

Date: Thu, 7 Jun 2001 19:05:12 +1000 From: John and Diane Lyon

It's been a slow week here in sunny Gippsland, so we've put another side together for this week's competition. A team of musicians and footballers "spliced" together to make something unique. The whole is far greater than the sum of the parts, in our opinion! Here goes...

B: Wendy "Leigh" Matthews Marc "Kingsley" Hunter Greg "Richard" Champion

HB:Angry "Greg" Anderson Geoff "Simon" Cox Broderick "Rohan" Smith

C: Stevie "Stevie" Wright Billy "David" Thorpe Pat "Dennis" Carroll

HF: Glen "John" Shorrock Lobby "Matthew" Loyde Ronnie "Ronnie" Burns

F: Matt "Brian" Taylor Archie "Michael" Roach Bon "Don" Scott

R: Jimmy "John" Barnes Johnnie "Ryan" O'Keeffe Paul "Paul" Kelly

19th: Angus "George" Young 20th: Molly "Paul" Meldrum

COACH: Christie "Ben" Allen

What a combination! A hybrid arrangement of larger-than-life proportions...

Yours in hardball gets,

John Lyon & Steve Messer, who, in another life, were in fact the All We Are Saying is Give Rhys a Chance Tribunal Reform Group.

Date: Thu, 07 Jun 2001 21:27:25 +1000 From: Tony Phillips

BacksBilly Thorpe (a big crowd pleaser, crazy enough to complement the rest of the backline and willing to follow his captain chasing rainbows.) Greedy Smith (good full backs tend to be mental as anything and Greedy would give them nothing!)Red Symons (mean and always mouthing off and thus bound to produce low scores for opponents. You would need the make-up carriers out to him all the time though) Half BacksBon Scott (a high voltage player who^³d turn any forward to water. He^³d out Van der Haar Van der Haar, demanding both stubbies and smokes at half time.)Mark Seymour (Cpt) (always goes full ahead and could be expected to drive a towtruck over any forward stupid enough to be in the way. Hunts down the loose ball and collects opponents all day. Persistent seeker of the Holy Grail.)Broderick Smith (a persistent and indefatigable veteran, whose expertise allows him to cover anyone) CentreRoss Wilson (obviously on the wing, would be resplendent in an Eagles jumper and in his heyday had more than a touch of the Platten^³s about his hairstyle)Paul Kelly (V.Cpt) (obvious choice, but also because he knows even better than Plugger the best way to get from St.Kilda to Kings Cross, and could direct traffic in either electric or acoustic mode.)Tim Finn (an all class import and happy when working with the team or performing solo. A highly accountable player willing to admit aka Sean Rhen that ^²that was my mistake^Œ) Half ForwardsDave Warner (the boy from the suburbs could hold his own against any of the prissies from the city. Would always feel comfortable receiving from Bon Scott)Jim Keyes (who better than the Boy from the Stars to take the big grabs across half forward. They^³d be turning up Rex on the radio when this boy flew.)Jeff Duff (flamboyant show off who could handle the ball brilliantly on either side of his body and would enjoy getting out on his own in cushy positions on the flanks) Full ForwardsShirly Strachan (tradesmen are normally backpockets according to Sheedy but Shirl wasn^³t mean enough to play up back. Besides this "Carpenter's" rivalry with Daryl would ensure one or the other would get a bag. NB. Skyhooks big break was getting a gig supporting Sherbert in Sydney, another reason for Shirl to feel at home here.) Daryl Braithwaite (showponies and rock stars always dominate this position but Daryl only just edges out Peter McKenna here. One can see him emerging from every pack clutching the ball and shouting Howzat.)Stevie Wright (because no-one would put an Easybeat in the backline) FollowersPeter Garrett (can mouth off in the Glen Manton mould, would put Krackers to shame in the ^²dance around to put your opponent off^Œ stakes and could never be accused of racial vilification)Christina Amphlett (no one runs around with all the boys in town better, and she always plays with pleasure through the pain. And, like any good ruck-rover, she always knows where to get a touch.)Normie Rowe (a gutsy in and under player who^³s not afraid of a bit of biffo, and showed himself willing to make the supreme sacrifice) 19th ManJohn Farnham (the voice to cheer the team on, highly familiar with finals, and versatile enough to play anywhere.) 20th ManMolly Meldrum (a great flag waver and motivator he^³d um be excellent um er on the er sidelines and um handing out the oranges or arias or whatever^‰)

Date: Thu, 7 Jun 2001 23:44:07 +1000 From: Mark Giuliano

BACK POCKET (Left) : In the long standing tradition of Back Pockets, the working class man, Jimy Barnes

FULL BACK : In the sturdy, dependable, mould of Chris Lanford, Dennis Walter.

BACK POCKET (Right) : Who else would you have DEEP in defence but Pee Wee from the Delltones .

HALF BACK (Left) : The Tenterfield Batter-ler who still calls the Back Flank home, Peter Allen.

CENTRE HALF BACK : A solidly built, no frills character, Richard Clapton.

HALF BACK (Right) : The player to provide them with rebound off half back. Can sink his left zoot right ino it...Darrell Cotton

WING (Left) : Speedy Kevin Borrich "Express"

CENTRE : In the mould of Greg Williams... average height, average weight, average hairstyle, average voice.... Glenn Shorrock

WING (Right) : Just like Tony Lockkett when he joined the Swans, hugely respected far from home... Air Supply

HALF FORWARD (Right): creative Daryl Braithwaite

CENTRE HALF FORWARD : Big, mean and intimidating...... Doug Parkinson

HALF FORWARD (Left): Similar to the charismatic Paul Van Der Haar. Hard living, hard drinking... Michael Hutchence

FORWARD POCKET (Left) : The onlyposition for a lair.........Jade Hurley

FULL FORWARD : Ricky "Plugger" May

FORWARD POCKET (Right) : Next to Plugger, basking in his glory, riding on his coat tails..... Glenn Wheatley

RUCK : Former Hawthorn Premiership Ruckman from the 70's and 80's. The big, mean man who wore number 23 with distinction .....Bon Scott

RUCK ROVER : The position for someone who loves to be in everyting. Skyhooks, Our House etc.... Shirley Strachan

ROVER : A-la John Platten..... Squeak.... John Paul Young

19th MAN : Never quite made it to the big time...... John St Peters

20th MAN : Mking a comeback after many years off the scene; James Freud

EMERGENCY : Dropped as punishement for his "Bad Habits" ; Billy Field

COACH : Just the man to impart an eloquent pre-game address; James Reyne PS. Ever noticed when VFL Footballers of the 70's and early 80's were asked in Player PRofiles to name their favourite female artist; it was invariably Renee Geyer !!!!!

Regards,

Pat Harding

Date: Fri, 8 Jun 2001 00:13:45 +1000 From: Doug Long

DEAR SIMON,

Here is my team (those picked are Aussie legends who, like Champs, have composed songs about our great game).

The whole full back line: Daddy Cool

Song: Eagle Rock Bottom

Full back is where the ball is for the Eagles at present.

Back Flank: Skyhooks

Song: "Eagles" is not a dirty word (not while they’re losing, anyway!)

Centre Half Back: The Reels

Song: Quasimodo’s Dream (no 10 on top 30 list, but otherwise who would ever think of it?)

(About a guy who picked all 8 in the tipping competition on a "HUNCH")

Back Flank: Divinyls

Song: Fine line between PREMIERS and Pain

Wing: Paul Hester

Song: None, just picked a drummer to honour Drummie.

Centre: Tim Finn

Song: There’s a fraction too much FACTION

Wing: Slim Dusty

Song: BUB with no PEER (about baby Bomber Tim Watson) The whole half forward line: The Seekers (with Athol guy holding down CHF)

Song: The CARNIVALS ARE over.

(contains that beaut line: The joys of Luff are fleeting)

Forward Pocket: Angry Anderson in Batmobile

Song: We can’t be Beaten (not really a footy song as some Bomber fans think– its about hard boiled eggs)

Full Forward: John Farnham

Song: That great Victorian song (brought out years beforeThe Croweaters ever came up with "Kick a Vic"):

S.A. Die* (later recorded as "Sadie")

*Pronounced "ESS AY DIE"

Forward Pocket: Australian Crawl

Song: Reckless (think of countless players) I

nterchange

19th: Redgum

Song: Only 19 (pining for the days prior to the 20th man coming along)

20th: Mrs Hobson (my Sunday school teacher in the 1960s)

Song: The wise man built his house upon the rock.

Not sure if the song is really Australian, but Mrs Hobson did teach me a successful technique to combat flooding several decades before it became a hot AFL topic.

PS: I am disgusted about this father– son rule story of Gary Ablett junior. Not fair at all. Must be stopped. Why SHOULD the EAGLES get him?

(Father son rule 35A: Anyone who is any good whose father played for the Cats can be picked up by the Eagles).

Do something, AFL!

Doug Long

Date: Fri, 8 Jun 2001 10:19:59 +1000 From: "Heasly, Marcus"

First XVIII of OzRock and Pop

B Brian Mannix Doc Neeson Nic Cave
(Uncanny X-Men) (Angels) (Bad Seeds)

HB Juno Roxus Jimmy Barnes Daniel Johns
(Roxus) (Cold Chisel) (silverchair)

C Mike Brady Paul Kelly Tim Rogers
(Two Man Band) (Messengers) (You Am I)

HF Janet English John Farnham Quan Yoemans
(Spiderbait) (Little River Band) (Regurgitator)

F Tex Perkins Bernard Fanning Billy Thorpe
(The Cruel Sea) (Powderfinger) (Aztecs)

R Peter Garrett Johnny O'Keefe Angry Anderson
(Midnight Oil) (the Dee Jays) (Rose Tattoo)

Int Warrick Capper Mark Jackson

Coach Ian 'Molly' Meldrum

Cheers,

Marcus Heasly

Date: Fri, 08 Jun 2001 11:35:54 +1000 From: b.tarr@ugrad.unimelb.edu.au

B. Angus Young Doc Neeson Angry Anderson

HB. Daryl Braithwaite Johnny Barnes Micheal Hutchence

C. Lee Kernagan Slim Dusty (Capt.) Johnny O'Keefe

HF. Paul Kelly Peter Garrett John Williamson

F. Kylie Minogue Billy Thorpe Danni Minogue

Foll. Barry Crocker Johnny Farnham (V.C.) Mandaway Yundpingu

Minogue Sisiters will emulate the Krakour brothers. Alot of creativity on the half forward line. No better spine in Australian music.

Barry Tarr

Date: Fri, 8 Jun 2001 12:09:20 +1000 From: KyselaO

Simon

I've had to resort to the regulation "lookalikes" or "reminds-me-ofs". Some may be a bit of a stretch, but there was sufficient correlation to get the laughs from the boys in preparing the side. Obscure/fringe players have been footnoted to cover the "that bloke from ....." problem that I experienced in assembling the side:

Angry Anderson Iva Davies Angus Young
(Darren Hulme) (Paul Bulluss) (Dean Laidley)

James Barnes Peter Garrett Daniel Johns (1)
(David Brown) (Glenn Lovett) (Daniel Chick)

Dave Faulkner (2) Johnny Diesel Jason Donovan
(Marcus Picken) (Ryan Lonie) (Jude Bolton)

Mark Seymour (3) John Farnham Tommy Emanuel
(Greg Eppelstun) (Michael Laffy) (Geoff Raines) .

Manaway Yunipingu Mark Jackson Paul Kelly
(Maurice Rioli) (Mark Jackson) (Wayne Schwass)

John English Brian Mannix Kylie Minogue
(Benny Gale) (Scotty West) (John Platten)

Russell Hitchcock (4) Shirl Strachan
(Scotty Watters) (Stuart Wigney)

Emergencies:

Chris Wilson (5) Marc Hunter (6) Jason Bird (7)
(Piping Lane) (Kingsley Hunter) (Brian Beinke)

Peter Allan: unavailable, as he plays for the other team.

(1): silverchair frontman
(2): Hoodoo Gurus frontman
(3): Hunters frontman
(4): Air Supply lead singer
(5): Mondo Rock frontman
(6): Dragon frontman
(7): Young bloke from new Popstars band with the sidieburns

Oliver Kysela

Acknowledgments: the AFL website photos, Gaslight website, Matt Laing ("there was no Finn in Mondo Rock you idiot") and Chris Gillies.

Oliver Kysela

Date: Fri, 8 Jun 2001 13:14:10 +1000 From: Yvonne Braid

BACKLINE
We need a scary backline to frighten the livin' suitcase out of the opposition forwards, so we've gone with;

Bon Scott, Angry Anderson at fullback, and in the other back pocket, The Wild One, johnny O'Keeffe.

HALF-BACK LINE
We thought we had to have a mandotary inclusion of brothers in the side, just like Essendon had with all of the Danihers, an dfor sentiment, we've placed them on the same line: So our half back line is: Barry Gibb, Robin Gibb, and Maurice Gibb.

CENTRELINE:
We went looking for some shifty characters on the wings with the standard pretty boy of the team in the centre. So its; Kamahl, Adam Brand in the pivot, and William Shakespeare.

HALF FORWARD LINE
Rusell Morris on one flank, Ronnie Burns on the other, and the mean man at Centre Half forward Peter Garret.

FORWARD LINE
Michael Hutchence in a pocket. His job is to just "hang" around on the forward line and kick goals.

The obvious being George young at full forward.

And so as we fill our committment to ethinic groups, like Carlton do with silvagni, Kouta. Franchina, Campareale, and Christou, we've named Joe Camileri in the other pocket.

RUCKS
We liked the North Melbourne set up in the 70's with the Galloping Gasometer, so we've lined up Ricky May in the first ruck, with Paul Kelly as ruck rover.

The rover would be Stevie Wright.

Interchange players
To get the other brother in we've gone for Andy Gibb, Anthony Rock!!, Shane Howard (his brother played a bit of footy for Warrnambool) and Marc Seymour. Seymour is in the team because he is the only one who would know the words to the teams song, "Holy Grail"

COACH: James Reyne...could you imagine the address at 1/4 time. Would any one understand it.

TEAM MANAGER: Glenn Wheatley

TRAINER: In the mould of the great George Clarke, it has to be Slim Dusty.

DOCTOR: Doc Neeson

LITTLE LEAGUE TEAM; To be selected from the Young Talent Time Team.

TEAM NAME: The Easy Beats

EMERGENCY: Ted Mulry (is under a fitness cloud)

Duncan Potts
Wagga Wagga

Date: Fri, 8 Jun 2001 13:50:45 +1000 From: Keith Payne

>From Keith Payne, Ferny Creek

Ain't got the time to come up with a full team but....

DIESEL has to be in the centre.

AUSTRALIAN CRAWL accross half forward to combat "the flood"

INXS where else, but on the interchange bench

Date: Fri, 8 Jun 2001 15:07:43 +1000 From: Mark Dornau

B Stewie Spears (drummer - M. Merrett)Huge, aggressive, proven back-up... John(ny) Farnham Safe and reliable, proven rebound qualities... Glenn Wheatley Perennially in Farnsy's back pocket....

HB Nick Cave Scary and aggressive Doc. Neeson High leaping backman with energy to burn... Slim Dusty Placing Slim on the veteran's list saves our salary cap...

C Martin Plaza Dale Lewis lookalike, mental Ross D Wylie He is the Star Clem McCartney (The other singer from the Twilights) every team has a passenger...

HF Maurice Gibb Barry Gibb Robin Gibb Consummate line that has had the ability to change with the introduction of any new trendy tactics that have been thrown at them

F Bobbie Can't have one in the pocketwithout the other Athol Guy Geoff Blethyn style forward Laurie Can't have one in the pocketwithout the other

R Peter Garrett tall, high leaping, with great endurance Johnny Chester Good (truckin’) driver in heavy traffic "Greedy" Smith Crumb gathering disciple of Kevin Bartlett...

Umpires: Grantly Dee & Joe Dolce any back chat "Shud Up Your Face"

Boundary Umpires: Flash and the Pan
Goal Umpires:Vander+Young

19th Ross Ryan "horse" match winning interchange in the Ted Hopkins mode 20th Hans Polson performed well on end of season exhibition game in London

Emergencies Alex Smith-(Moving Pictures)- What about me Angus Young The only one with anything close to football shorts

Coach Johnny O’Keffe the "Wild One", he invented the game in Australia - Mr.Football

President Molly Meldrum - once a part of the industry, due to conflict of interest forced to persue administrative career

CEO/ General Manager Izzy Dye Experienced campaigner in Greg Miller mould, has an extensive network of sponsors

Football Manager Normie Rowe Military Experience would give the team a steely determination under "Rule 303"

Doctor Mark Holden the perennial "Young Doctor"

Masseurs Cheetah

Boxing Coach Marty Rhone Ol’ Denim and Lace himself turned promoter

Club Historian William Shakespeare

AFL/VFL CEO Michael Gudinski Created the National League

World of Sport Panel
Rolf Harris Lou Frankie Davidson Bobby Col Joye Jack Red Symons Sam Newman Ronnie Burns Coco Roberts Smokey Dawson Bruce Andrews Angry Anderson Ron Casey Smacka Fitzgibbon Uncle Doug Donny Sutherland Michael Williamson Doug Parkinson Butch Gale

Leesy from Sydney

Date: Fri, 08 Jun 2001 06:40:03 -0000 From: barry tyrrell

>Backs: >Angus Young "We salute this feisty tagger who is about to rock after his >jailbreak" >Ricky "Mickey" Martin "He Bangs! International Star who qualifies for the >team under the Logies rule." >Michael Hutchence "Always willing to sacrifice himself for the team" > >Half Backs: >Stevie Wright. "No easybeat, is a Friday night specialist" >Peter Garrett. "The rangy but mobile Garrett regularly turns defence into an >attack." >Johnny Young. "Getting towards the end of his career but still a great >influence on his younger teamates" > >Centres: >Silverchair. "Young tearaway always comes to play. Can't wait till >'Tomorrow'" >Molly Meldrum. "Savvy veteran with supreme ball handling skills." >Judith Durham. "Makes space on the wing like it's a world of her own" > >Half Forwards: >Ross Wilson. "This silky forward flanker is always Daddy Cool in a crisis." >Elvis Presley. "Controversial choice but no one plays Centre half forward >like The King." >Olivia Newton John. "Nicknamed the Dominator. Loves getting Physical" > >Forwards: >John Paul Young. "Still kicking goals after years in the wilderness" >John Farnahm. "No better sight than the voice on a long fast lead. Shades >of Peter Daicos WO HO OOO!" >Shirley Straughn. "Dominated in a golden era" > >Rucks: >Jimmy Barnes. "The move from his old club has seen this veteran flourish" >Johnny O'Keef "The wild one dominates like no one else can. The Games first >real superstar" >Kylie Minogue "The veteran rover has enjoyed continued success in the >International arena." > >Coach: Jackie O from Popstars. "Never backs down form making the tough >decisions." > >Omitted: Postars Scandal'us. There is no "Me, myself and I" in team.

>Richard Tyrrell

Date: Fri, 8 Jun 2001 16:49:57 +1000 From: carmela sommers

BACKS: colin hay doc neeson ted mulry HALFBACK billy thorpe john farnham johny diesel CENTRE daryl braithwaite bryan mannix john paul young HFORWARD james reyne peter garrett jimmy barnes FORWARDS greedy smith mark'jacko'jackson warwick capper RUCKS pee wee wilson angry anderson shirley strachan BENCH ac/dc COACH molly meldrum angus young from ac/dc to change with angry anderson on the ball i cant remember the song Capper had it was probably crap but he adds a bit of value to the forward line. here is what i came up with for an aussie rock football team, love your show try and listen as often as possible all the best from adrian sommers tatura vic.

Date: Fri, 8 Jun 2001 20:47:23 +1000 From: Ross Morton

Slightly out of left field with bands rather than individuals .... here's my team: BACKS: AC/DC Mental as Anything Ted Mulry Gang HALF-BACKS: Yothu Yindi Midnight Oil Cold Chisel CENTRES: Hoodoo Gurus Hunters & Collectors Sherbet HALF-FORWARDS: The Church The Angels The Saints FORWARDS: TISM Boom Crash Opera Men at Work RUCK: Skyhooks RUCK ROVER: INXS ROVER: Air Supply 19th MAN: Not Drowning, Waving 20th MAN: Skunkhour COACH: Molly Meldrum ASSISTANT COACH: The Masters' Apprentices Cheers, Andrew McDonald

Date: Fri, 8 Jun 2001 21:23:19 +1000 From: Jac & Pete

Sorry, not clever enough to produce a whole team of 'rock legends,' however any team with Suzie Quotro in it and Marcie Jones and The Cookies warming the interchange bench would be fine with me. Pete SIMON, My hubby is an Ambulance Paramedic and is constantly called out in the middle of the night to attend some of the most minor 'emergencies' ie: 'I'm so drunk, could you give me a lift to the nearest hospital, I only live a block away and I think I can walk home from there' (and that's just me!!!!!). He has been in the job for 25 years. As Pete's wife I feel it is my duty to bring to your attention the fact that he is only passionate about three things (outside his work). One - The Demons. Never missed attending a game in 50 years (I'm yet to attend a game and will only do so when Pete permits me to bring a book with me). Two - Chocolate, he doesn't WANT, he NEEDS one of those chocolate footballs or whatever they are. Three - Me, but we won't go into that. Pete has put in an entry to your competition every week (although I did put in the one about Humphrey and Sam Newman commentating next year). This week he is feeling quite low - he knows this entry won't win. I humbly ask you to look within and award him one of those bloody chocolate footballs for 'most determined player' or some other word you would like to put to it - after all, you never know when you are going to suffer a heart attack, AND HE KNOWS WHO YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!! Please put me out of my misery - I hate football....and chocolate. Let's all work together to put an end to this obsession my husband has to winning a chocolate football. 'Jac' of Jac & Pete. PS - If he reads what I have e-mailed to you (and he will) divorce proceedings will begin immediately. We'll be in court arguing about a chocolate football! This problem has far reaching effects.

Date: Fri, 8 Jun 2001 21:21:28 +1000 From: Andrew McKie

First XVIII of OzRock and Pop. B: GlennWheatley Stewie Spears Lobby Lloyd (Mr Reliable: The Ideal Backup) (Max Merrit’s drummer- complete with (Essential accessory-fearsome tatts) Bruce Doull-esque beard) H/B: Jack Jones Ray Burgess Richard Clapton (Flowing locks a la Tom Alvin) (Kevin Walsh type; keeps bobbing up (Unflappable veteran) despite obvious lack of talent) C: James ReyneAngry Anderson Gino Latorre (The cocky little bugger opposition (In & under pack buster- lovely hands (‘Silver Studs’:complete with Catoggio afro) sides would love to thump)& mouth; A. Jarman type) H/F: Billy ThorpeMark Holden Red Symons (Mercurial Type: brilliant, then (Pretty boy/Hearthrob a la (The one with the lip who starts all the unsighted)Stephen Reynoldson) blues then disappears) F: Fred StrauksDaryl Braithwaite John Paul Young (Like his drumming, never going flat out, (Consummate Professional)(Runt a la Brad Gotch: looks like yet highly rated; D. Jarman type) he’ll be crushed at any moment) Ruck: Peter Garrett (Enforcer; doesn’t mind a spat; frequently questioning‘ umpires’) R/R: Don Walker (No frills workhorse) Rover: Brian Mannix (nippy type complete with big mouth) Sender: Andrew McKie

Date: Fri, 8 Jun 2001 11:31:24 -0000 From: cffcs@labyrinth.net.au

Oz Pop & Rock Legends' Footy Team (compiled by Jenny of Brunswick) FOLLOWERS First Ruck Running Negator Rover Debra Conway Chrissie Amphlett Kylie Minogue Gutsy performer Tough & edgy Totally class act with silky skills FORWARDS Pocket Full Forward Pocket Helen Ready Renee Geyer Tanyia Kernagan Hear Her Roar Tall rangy foward - Country recruit- Can see any gig thru big things expected HALF FORWARDS Casey Chambers Debra Byrne Christine Anu Nifty - action guaranteed Not a certainty Torres Strait Is. who leaves others for dead CENTRE Vanessa Amerosi Olivia Newton-John Ella Hooper Olympic standard Top of her game for decades If it bleeds - you can kill it HALF-BACK Marcia Hines Jenny Morris Deni Hynes Tough athletic defender Following in her brother's Recruited under the footsteps mother/daughter rule FULL BACK Wendy Matthews Joan Kirner Colleen Hewitt Handy tall Solid and well connected Takes it one day at a time INTERCHANGE Danni Minogue Bardot (blond one) & Bardot (Brunette) Kerry-Anne Kennerlly Lacks her Both all over the place Always puts on a show sister's skills COACH Judith Durham Seasoned performer - the carnival is never over with JD in the coache's box

Date: Sat, 09 Jun 2001 08:43:19 +1000 From: Michele Davis

dear simon, here's my rock'n'roll team of the century, I hope you appreciate it as i had to find these guys in the midst of such classic vinyl as JETHRO TULL, ALLMAN BROS., OZARK MOUNTAIN DAREDEVILS ETC. 'JACK DYERS ROCK'N'ROLL TEAM OF THE CENTURY" (ie good ordinary players) B. Jim Keays Rick Springfield Ross Hannaford MASTERS ZOOT DADDY COOL HB. Matt Taylor Renee Geyer Broderick Smith CHAINwell suited toDINGOES this position C. Andy Durant Jeff Duff Terry Dean STARS KUSH BLUESTONE (that's for all who misspent their youth at De Marco's Essendon) (you know who you are) HF. Shane Howard Kerryn Tolhurst Mick Pealing GOANNA DINGOES CHAIN F. Stevie Wright Lobby Lloyd Billy Thorpe COLORED BALLS AZTECS R. John Dubois Simon Madden Justin Madden DINGOES *THEY PLAYED ON HEY HEY WITH THEIR COUSIN SHANE HOWARD INT. Marc Hunter Hans Poulson Ross Ryan Gil Matthews DRAGON AZTECS regards, Michele Davis, Sunbury.

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